My Baby Girl

You are filled with a unique essence
you exude deep loves joy
your being rhythmically inspired and musically imbued
I am simply amazed by your very existence

Baby girl, in my womb you twisted and turned
rocked to inner dimensions clear vibrations
molding your natural melody and
developing intellectual prowess
your internal beat and flow
so different yet so perfect

Now I watch you
dance and spin
bounce and hop
twirl and tumble
climb and fall
nod your head and close your young eyes
rocking to the precious savory personal tune
He has instilled within your spirit

Your phenomenal radiation
simply unspeakable
a pure cosmically manifested essence
you are my life

The 4th Kiss

That 1st kiss
so light and fresh
barely there, I almost missed it
never knew a boy's lips
could be so soft, so gentle

The 2nd kiss
awoke something in me,
snapped me out of
playful reverie
brought reality clearly into focus
paying more attention to the
here and now

The 3rd kiss
made me melt
my knees literally buckled
my head swooned, then
time stopped
My ears started ringing,
blocking out all sound
but the pounding of my heart

The 4th kiss
sealed the deal
making me completely yours
I woulda done anything you said
woulda followed you anywhere
in that moment
opening the gates and
freeing all of me
at your mere request

Thankfully,
you had no idea
of the power of
that 4th kiss

I Remember

I remember,
even when I don't want to
trying to move on
forget
erase it all
cause I'm grown now

Time moves forward and
thoughts of the past are
wasted current energy
randomly scattered on fixed events
stagnant and permanent
that can't be removed
or fixed

But yet, I still remember
dwell on it just a bit
fruitful, innocent love
pressed flat against corridor walls
under basement steps
behind open doors
molded into you
pressed onto me
learning desire and discovering
intimacy's natural reaction
both new, both scared
both surprised by such intense experiments

Yeah, I still remember

Sexy Back

You know, you brought me back
released me and inspired me
reunited me with womanhood and
all it's delightful secrets
reminded me of the little delicacies
contained within this feminine glory

I love being a woman

You know, you made me shine
skin glowing and sparkling
I feel my flow
stretch my hands out wide
and watch my colors spread out, perculate and splurge
mixing and separating
a never ending waterfall of blessed hues

You know, you brought my sexy back
subtle smile at your suggested hints
tilted body leaning into your sway
maneuvering myself with feline prowess
enjoying flirtation, sliding cute phrases and
intimate encouragement your way

You know, you brought creativity to me
my mind stirring up lewd and luscious thoughts
unmentionable wants churning my pit into somersaults
loosening tongue lingo in your presence
sliding written word prowess into your lap

You know you brought my sexy back

*I have been wanting to incorporate this phrase for the longest - Forgive me ya'll, I love this song*

Silent Attempt

How did I feel to you
tell me
did you notice the softness of my body
the fullness of me
did you recognize my mounted pressure against
the lean swerve of you

Was it alien and foreign or
did I feel like home?

What could I have done
what should I have said
did the warmth of me send a clear signal
uninterrupted and static free?

Maybe I could've pressed harder
made sure my blossoms left a
carved imprint into your heart
or probably should have
opened my mouth and let it spill out
clarified my desired intent

but we both know
that is something I
would never do

So, did my message come across to you
were you able to properly decode it
translate my desperate meaning
for what it was worth?

or did my secret attempt to
reach you end up
misjudged, abandoned and unwanted?

So Easy

Had to hold it back
to stop and disengage from the possibility
of getting lost in you
tied up in you
releasing self to you
freeing self to you

Had to back it up
reel it in and
place the cover on
with a genuine smile and
light humor

This pulsating want so damned
distracting and disturbing
rendering clear thought impossible
forcing manipulation into
initial innocent intent

What do your arms feel like
how I long to be wrapped in between, endlessly

Twisted and turned,
disappointingly discarding
this rare opportunity
and distant moment of freedom
inevitably overrun by obligations clarity

Embarrassment replaced want
because it shouldn't be this way
it shouldn't be so open, so easy
so clear
But it is and I am

Still

I can still hear him
his voices carries in my head
hoarse and dry
thick with emotion and want
promising me forever
the sound moves me
breaks my resolve and
loosens the very core of my being

I can still feel him
lips pressed against the shell of my ear
moving slowly to the top of my neck
arms wrapped firmly around me
drawing me in
hands gently pressing and lightly stroking
pressed flat against the small of my belly
understanding the swell of my body
his simple touch and exploration
causing me to catch my breath and
close my eyes
bite my tongue and
ride his tidal wave

I can still taste him
lingering on each and every bud
his sweetness so addictive
overwhelming me
arousing an innate yearning hunger
an insatiable craving for him

I can wait
with my eyes closed, my body still
my mouth shut
I can wait
because I am still with him

I Musta Forgot

I musta forgot
sat up here and let go
let myself loose
released necessary inhibitions and
opened wide
uncorked the vacuum seal to my
scented essence
handing it over to you

What was I thinking
entrusting my most secret self
in your careless hands
my most intimate being given
to your arrogant person

True to your core you
took note, inventory, stock of
who I am and what matters to me
absorbed whispered secrets
during the height of intimacy
like an eager sponge that, with manic delight,
you now squeeze and wring
until the soft flesh
tears and rips
dripping poison
into these open festering wounds
etched into my skin like
swollen welts with each
disillusioned realization stinging like salt from your tongue
hurled at me
aimed to destroy me

I shoulda known, but
I musta forgot

Simply Love

Love doesn't mean fulfillment
partnership or companionship
is not a cure for
loneliness' ache nor
provides long term relief
from depression's isolation

Love cannot compel understanding
comprehension
a sincere, deep seeded attempt to
to learn another soul
It does not give lessons
or provide guidance into
how you think, operate
there is no template or
instruction manual to decode your
secret needs

Love fails to extend
sincere appreciation or acknowledgement
belief in one without judgement
encouragement without envy

Love is simply love
pure joy and elation
dwelling within an empty vessel
until the pressure mounts and bursts
or subsides and slowly fades away

Love is simply love

Spirit of Christmas

Want to feel the pure spirit
of this day
the promise of
universal peace and true uninhibited love
kindness
so very necessary
like a cool patch against
raw skin
chaffed by the hardness, coldness
dismissiveness
of this world

I believe that it can be.

Yes, it is possible
tonight I can focus on the
special promise of salvation's birth
and tomorrow
reflect and celebrate
believe and rejoice
dismiss my fears and doubts
drown out my disappointments and pain
press pause on my personal pity party
and extend myself to the
promise of
this day

Despite it all
I sincerely believe in the
Spirit of Christmas
(Originally posted at Myspace)

Broken Dreams

Do you really and truly believe
that I am the cause of your problems
that my decisions broke your dreams
my requests erased your future?

How did the years of support
backbreaking loyalty and love
become so easily dismissed
so lightly forgotten

You don't recall the wars fought on your behalf
me against the world,
while you sat on the sidelines to
Me choosing you and yours
over my own life
my own freedom
my own dreams, gifts and talents

I built with you
worked with you
listened to you
encouraged you
for years

while you made excuses
how enough wasn't enough
how your focus had changed
how the dream just wasn't in you
Now in hind sight, it's my fault?

Maybe it is
Cause I gave away too much
waiting for an even exchange, eventually
instead your support takes on envious form
judgemental and angry
my need dismissed as self pity
my wants always weighed against your
coulda shoulda's

you know what
you see me like the world sees me
the gloss, the bullshit
the fake accomplishments that mean nothing more
than another paper mounted on the wall

After a decade or more, you still haven't met me
learned me
taken the time to see me
understand me

Only to you, I tried to show my soul
opened it and laid it out
You slammed it shut
like a dry book
uninterested, bored, so desperately hoping
I'll just shut up, go away
leave you to this week's hobby
this month's new interest

You never know
you just may get your wish.

Sleeping with the enemy

Whether in the same house
same room or
same bed
I have slept with the enemy
all my life

Lying on my side,
facing the door
keeping one eye open for
hallway light to cast that shadow
forewarn me of her imminent entry
through kicked door
my hand resting lightly on the
knife that permanently resided under pillow
through adolescent and teen years

Something always kept her back
insults and hate shouted at me
accusations more appropriate for a mate
or spouse
tossed my way
floated across air, messing up my head
but something, something
kept her from crossing that threshold and
laying hands on me
shaking and hitting, making me feel helpless
hopeless
like before I sought solution
in a weapon

I eventually escaped
able to finally sleep, rest
fully relax, my bedroom no longer
a fortress or stronghold for my
last stand and safety
and then you,
you brought peace and comfort
entered my tiny valley and poured in sunlight

Until life inevitably tested you
changed the variables forcing
growth and maturity
difficulty and indecision
Then I became the fault, the blame
the reason for failed ideas and broken dreams
despite the other obvious variables that
you still refuse to consider

So now I am back
to facing the door while
lying on one side
knife within easy reach, just in case
ensuring my protection
guarding my life for just one more day
through one more night
because I am once again
sleeping with the enemy

Nothing

As amazing as it seems
your anger no longer hurts
no longer tears at my heart or
rips into my being
I find myself oblivious to its
irrational release after
days, week, months of silence
minimal acknowledgement
sidelong judgemental glances and
unexplained disdain

We've done this dance
too many times before
and I know the signs like the
watching the change of the moon
can tell when you switch from
love to hate
support to disdain

It happens so often
so routinely
it feels like second nature

So we are back to hate, huh
yeah, I charted it, knew it was due soon
prepared myself and waited
for my pounding heart to hurt
the internal bleeding to pour through

But, while you
dispense verbal lashing
like liquid molten hate
I am discovering that
I feel absolutely
nothing

Forgiveness' Throne

Where is forgiveness
and why does he elude me
avoid me
try me with hopes of peace and
possible redemption, insinuating a resolution
for long desired completeness

Like a wild horse he
bucks me, throws me
I grasp with both hands,
desperately throttled and thrown
while forgiveness seeks to dethrone and deflate
challenging me for daring to rein him in
daring to tame him
foolishly trying to contain him

But I need forgiveness
on bended knee, I plead for him
cause he has giving me a taste, a hit
like the drug of a fiend
I want more, need more
can't bare the thought of life without him
willing to turn over every stone until
he is found
fight ever battle, until I die or
he succumbs

So many times I think I have him
sealed and suctioned
lured and steady and
knowing how to manipulate him
I attempt to ride him to my kingdom and
boast of my greatness because of him

But the truth is
forgiveness resides around my heart,
but not quite within it, and
try as I might
somethings he simply has not given me
the key to accept nor
the plan to move on
the ability to swallow without responding
to recall without judging
so, for right now
while I desperately need what he chooses to keep
I am at his command

Slow Walk

We walked slowly
taking our time
kicking pebbles and laughing lightly
easily chattering, your teasing
making me laugh
smile despite myself
giving me thoughts to cherish
for the rest of my day

You sat next to me
class partner, complaint sharer
saving a seat whenever I
slid in too late
patting it, smiling
nodding for me to know
it was only for me

I passed you notes
whispered
leaned over while your
wild locks tickled my cheek
speaking so close to your earlobe
so close to you
smelling your masculine cologne and
wondering if you thought of me when you
sprayed it on and
tucked that beautiful mane under nappy cap
my thoughts escaping me
so busy observing you sitting still and smooth,
unmoving as the
light air left my mouth and
softly tickled your neck

We anticipated each other's expectations
enjoyed one another's mellow vibe
sought unity in the knowledge of
New York cool
confident expression of friendship
teeter tottering on
other possibilities, but
which one would be bold enough
to cross the line?

Not me, I took your
silent offering for granted
simplistically relying on your
modest presentation of nonchalance
ignoring the occasional spark, unsure of its cause
I remained silent, scared of love's possibility or
rejections liklihood

Not you, noticing my other friendships
other relationships, determining that the risk
seemed too great, the loss easier to save face
rumors of my raw man
too loud and the boy/girl
game simply too easy, cause too many
other girls always so accessible
always waiting in the cut
to get to know you

So we continued to walk, slowly
taking our time and
choosing two different paths.

Our House

If we continue to
bump these walls
shake this structure
shout and fight within its
damaged walls
our house will surely fall

If this anger doesn't subside
calm or dissipate
it will continue to rage
mount; engage, coercing you to
respond
feeding your seething hate
love crisscrossed
pure emotion misled
misguided
twisted and perverted
our house will surely fall

If we fail to mount this life
on the cornerstone of His might
it will miss the mark
slide sloppily down the walls of this union
dripping acid, burning through drywall and
foundations steel, and
our house will surely fall

If trust doesn't go past
the visible, apparent
and every interaction inspires
spite's reaction
we won't make it
we will manifest death, and
our house will surely fall.

Manness

Manness.

Wrapped in bittersweet
dark chocolate
stinging the roof of my mouth
activating eyes stinging
and mouth watering
longing for the
taste of you

Manness.
Wrapped in
luscious dark caramel
warmed by the
pure heat of my desire
molded between
these soft palms
pressed firm and thick
becoming
hard and solidified
as I breathe light
to cool the molten form
my breath sweet, released softly
against the statuesque state
like soft wind upon
your body
staring deeply
into your eyes
burning timbers of
future dream, future generations
golden life wrapped
within the core of us

You are deep.
A never ending caramel well
bittersweet dark chocolate
swooning midnight gloss
releasing an everlasting
effervescent glow

Your inherent powerful vibration
stimulating my very being
keeping me forever
fixated upon you

Manness. Iridescent.
Manness.

Hide It

I tried to hide it
disguise or dismiss this
pounding want
locked in the pit of my chest
at center of my heart

I have to hide it
ignore it, pretend that the
deep searing burn
ignited by your intimate smile
is nothing but simple heart flutters
manifested by quickened pulse
completed unrelated
to you

I've decided to
keep it my secret
forever locked sealed in the
cedar chest buried under my
blanketed soul
behind the deepest depths of my
inner spirit
hoping it will fade
evaporate

Maybe one day I will see you
again
Maybe one day I will know you
again
Maybe one day I might touch you
again
Oh, please, can I just breathe you
again

No, I will hide it and
it will sizzle and vaporize
against the intense heat
of my pure want
and then maybe I will be released
finally
from the simple cursed
memory and desire
of you
love

I Am Malleable

Peeled back too many layers
soaked, then shaved away
one too many callouses
saturated the thick skin that
served as the
impenetrable barrier against my foes

Now I am soft
malleable
easily penetrated and visibly hurt
wounded
blood drawn from a prick of a pin
my core, smashed by
a single blow

In pursuit of peace
belief of happiness
I stepped away from my
protective cloak
letting it fall away
the shield that sustained the
parental attacks and inner city drama
those bricks that absorbed
physical jumpings and
hid me from
hates target practice

Now, nothing remains to
block that dagger
you so easily aimed
at my soul

Less Than Average

Foolishly believed my life
would mean something
someday
Thought, when it was all said and done
that I would have mattered
made a difference
inspired and encouraged others

Hoped I might
at the very least
make honorable mention in this game
float along the hubris of
the cosmic energy
until the collective occasionally plucked me out
recalled and appreciated

But the reality is
I have failed to make even the slightest dent
strike an indelible mark,
haven't even splashed blood red
on this canvas of life

I have done nothing to
put me in the minds of the collective whole
encourage or stimulate my people
set an example of courage or tenacity

Yeah. When it is all said and done
I have come out less than average
and certainly no more than common
the supernatural mission
whispered in my ear at birth
has not been completed
the talented tools loosely held, easily discarded
misplaced, carelessly allowed to fade

In the final judgement
when the totality of my life is measured and weighed
I'm afraid that I will be left wanting
I know that I have come up short...

You Everything

Desperately needed to be
somebody's everything
somebody's someone
do I matter
to anybody?
at all?

Searching for validation
never obtained at home
never given without
qualification
exception or
selfish intent

Prayed for a mate
soulful and kind
protecting and true
seeing
seeing my real value
recognizing my internal beauty
realizing my special worth

Failed to notice
caring's kind reflection
in so many hopeful eyes
and thought myself
too unworthy
to even consider
more than friendship

Only you.
Only you made it past
my flawed internal filters
Sparking my interest and
Pulling at my heart

Only you made me
your everything.

Your Photo

Find myself still stunned
shocked
when I come across your photo
can't believe you were
ever
in my world

Bet you don't ever remember
the first time I saw you
checking in that Spanish themed motel
scared as hell about
future undergraduate success and
sad about high school familiarity
left behind

Saw you and all thought
stopped
ceased
past boyfriends disappeared
clear future canvas
awaiting your imprint

And our paths continued to cross
science bound themes
leading us together and then apart
like the rhythmic vibration of lust

And I repeatedly dropped the ball
unaware that you could even conceive
of what I felt
what I believed
what I wanted

Forever misconstruing direct attempts for no more
than simple friendly conversations
to pass the time

But your photo
still creates an internal shock and
I linger on the thought or possibility
of us...

My Musician

My musician
finding beauty in the soft curl
of each note
connecting his heart to the
solid pound of each beat

In his eyes I see
intricate melodies,
lilting, tinkling, dancing lightly
over his steady baseline that
deeply vibrates
resonating with the very fiber
of my soul

Watching him create
mesmerizes me
I find myself stunned by the simple magic
created by his hand and the
full ensemble pouring forth
effortlessly while he
remains focused, oblivious
in tune only with his manifestations
the rhythm pouring directly from his spirit

I smile, move, dance
distract him
headphones removed, volume increased
he comes to me while
his rhythmic masterpiece fills my ears
his fingers play a matching melody
finding staccato notes,
drumming up and down my body
and his body
catches the baseline
thundering its own groove
consuming all of me

Receive and Return

I remember when it happened
when love finally pushed open the door

yeah, I knew
although I didn't say
you were so secretive
hidden
tucking away your emotions
locking your heart in that
special vault

But that night
something felt different
special and lovely
gentleness oozed from your caressing fingertips
adoration poured from your darkened eyes

Your lips spoke Solomon's song
deep into the well of my ear
Your tongue sprang out
declarations of emotions before
searching and locating
its natural counterpart

You and I
so easy, so smooth
We were both surprise that
this felt so right

Yes, that night changed everything
while I stared at you and wondered
what happened
that melted the ancient glaciers
and broke through your supernaturally formed dam

I discovered that you
had finally decided to
receive and return
my love

Attica

Have ever you been
on the inside
deep down in the wretched bowels
of our societies underbelly

Have you smelled the
raw stench
of rotting life
passing, wasting away, disintegrating into
reminiscing of a life
never given a chance for
clean living

You think you're a soldier, huh
Imagine your beautiful woman
visiting on that weekend bus
your sexy mamasita
applying makeup and pulling on stockings
in the dank dark bathroom
only to have unnamed guards
strip her, search her
rub treacherous hands all over
her body
degrading her very attempt
to be feminine, loving and supporting

Can you even begin to fathom the quiet but
thunderous moment when
the heavy barred door to
the world as we know it
clangs shut,
forever sealing her in with
the nation's most murderous, most treacherous
most vile and most cruel
In case of uproar her only hope for survival rests on
a clear ink stamp
on the top of her hand
that the X-Ray machine might verify
belongs to a visitor;
if she makes it

Have you ever smelled the
nauseating stench of
grown men incarcerated
tasted the putrid hate of
lustful envious eyes
Tried to maintain ice cold calm
and still your beating heart
to stare down the
curious eyes of a terrifying human animal

Have you ever experienced Attica?

How Could He

Why can't I breathe
in his presence
quickly looking away when he
glances in my direction
wishing I could just
disappear, vanish
turn into a mere whisper
a faded memory
whenever I feel his gaze on me

He is so beautiful
breathtakingly gorgeous
an easy smile and magnetic eyes
firm hands, wide chest
I want to get lost in the curve of him
ride the smooth sway of him

But, he is too much for me
looks too good for me
what I am thinkin
he would never, could never
even consider me

I am forever stuck in friend zone

Not fly enough to be his
wouldn't be able to compare to
the many girls clawing for him
wouldn't be able to withstand
the nonstop insults slung at me
for even attempting
to think myself worthy

He thinks me clever, smart
cute, maybe funny
He finds reasons to grab me
touch my hand
hold me close
I luv the throb of him
can't wait for the vibe of him

But we always laugh
playfully flirt
as I pull away
retreat
inhale and pray
that I haven't made a fool of myself
that I haven't revealed my true heart
and set myself up for rejection

Cuz, I know he is too fine for me
doesn't really want me
I mean
how could he?

Limits to Love

There are limits to love
lines drawn in the sand
clear destinations and demanded clarifications
that we disguise and hide
or ignore and deny
until led to the brink of destruction

I love you completely
will do anything for you
anything to please you, satisfy you
hold you close and
keep you near
anything.
well, maybe

anything contains a natural limitation
an actaul definition as
most things that won't violate
my standards of self respect
at least not to the lowest points
won't repulse my sensibilities
or take me so far into it's loving depths
that I am unable to pull myself out
unable to breath without
claustrophobic suffocation

Please, stop pushing, testing
draggin me closer and closer to my
unbreakable limits, toyin with love's death
like a moth to a flame or a
dead mouse dangled before a cat
so curious to determine whether my love for you
will lead me down destruction's path
will be so loyal to you that
I will blindly walk into the enemies throne

You will have to accept
that I love you,
will do anything for you, but
there are limits to my love

The Truth

This man has got me havin
flashbacks, urgent recalls
got me remembering
lovin and love making
its sweet effervescent
filling me like
compressed vapor, squeezed into
confined space, got me full
mentally full
stuffed, overloaded and uncomfortable
with anticipation rising intently
just from the remembering

oh, the memory

unbelievable what you do to me
15 years and still fresh, razor sharp
just focused anew
crisp like clean waters and
trickling, drip dropping, splattering against
bare skin, fingers wide open
hands and palms upturned
fully consumed, overflowing
grasping and clinging

my man is the truth

causing muscle memory to respond
to the sound of his voice over
cellular waves, yielding the same
bodily tremors at the suggestion
mere mention
of future promised engagement, slowly exhaling
to regain composure
mind filled with
sudden promise of
unity and separation
flash heat and cool chill
making music with this most
intimate instrument, this most
sensual vital vessel
reserved for his
personal playground

my man is the truth.

Found Your Groove

I can feel you now
it took a little while
I didn't understand, at first
couldn't quite catch your groove and
couldn't comprehend the scope of your flow
grasp your uniquely sublime rhythm

but I'm learning
figuring you out
studying and training in the
possible learning of you
taking my time to
discover and incorporate
change and adjust

please, stop smilin at me
while i explain this, your
making me blush, but i want you to watch
that smile of your is causin
reminiscing of dirty thoughts and
nasty things

pay attention, see how I've
found your vibration
fell in sync with your sure steps
swaying my hips to your
manly tune

Now you've stopped smiling,
you've finally noticed
that I have found your groove

Time To Wake Up

He came to me
in a dream last night
startling and surprising me, my heart raced
cause the previous attempts to recapture his
unique features and expressions always alluded me
my mind choosing to release his perfect reflection
for sanity's sake

But there he stood, leaning over and looking in
while I peered through and reached up
a decade later, his sight still spurred magnified charge
throughout every fiber of my soul

My body melted and mind yielded while
he stared intent but worried
committed to this chance, but bothered just the same
I rubbed his cheek, persuaded him to
release fear, utilize this singular world
promise this one oasis of peace connecting the
mental interlude that would
remain between us two

He sighed and relented, finally indulging a
decade old desire, an unspoken yearning that we both
ducked around and dodged
finally free to fully explore, want and touch
I laid my palms on his chest as he
lightly kissed my shoulder then
stared into my eyes
back arched as he lightly held the
wrapped his arms around the width of me
firmly, smiling so faintly, so certainly
relaxing and giving in

but, somewhere, someone called my name
while I held on with clenched fists and
forced concentration to remain, his burning eyes
filled with sadness, acceptance of impending disconnect
but he held me tighter while the voices got louder and louder
then he kissed me gently, exploring the whole of me
one last chance, one last moment
but the pressure of his lips faded, then dissipated
as the image collapsed and I opened my eyes while
children stood over me yelling
"Mommy, it's sunshine! Time to wake up!"

Descriptive Want

Scrumptious, the very sight of you
excites me, anticipation rises
expectations mount, I want a
nibble or just a
small taste
give me a little sample
a morsel to
roll around my tongue

Delicious, I find you
nicely delectable
can't get enough, got an
insatiable area only you can
satisfy, tender space only you
can fulfill
only your special touch
can calm

Wonderful, I think your
beautiful, sexy as hell
masculine and firm, the
small of your stomach
pulses beneath my touch
the tender swath of skin
upholds against my gentle press

Sensual, your hips feel
heavenly, press fitted against mine
secret hollow comforting
this private desire
tender moments while instinctively you
stare and seek
incredible fulfillment at the
soft velvet of my pinnacle

Luscious, your lips feel so
powerful and full
laid against the side of my waist
or along the inner ridge
of my thigh
applying moist distribution
of demonstrable love

Complete, you seem so
full to me, fine and confident
unified and whole
needing no one else
applying your attention
solely to me

New Threshold

That one look
a suggestive glance
three simple whispered words and
a gliding palm
inching every slowly
toward my precious temple

Concentration shattered
immediately reversing the decision
upheld morals and ideas dissipating
resistance steadily evaporating, fading
diminishing quickly leaving me open

Lips against my collar
causing heat to surge through my neck
pounding pulse, indicating
racing blood, rushing, swimming
creating slight headache and
gentle physical ache

Open lips
gasping for air
muttering your name
searching without abandon
needing to find their counterparts to
still the sudden urgent tingling
in the roof of my mouth

Causing shivers under your
very touch, warm breath
clouding my senses
opening the natural faucet of
desire and seduction
luring you and
welcoming your guided entry
yielding to this
new threshold of sensation....

I Will Not Share You

I will not share you
no, it is not an option
I will not watch while
you are enjoyed
spread out, taken in and
made thin
by the vultures that need to envelope
seek to consume
must embody your essence to
absorb your energy

You are mine
Simply
Fully
My love has marked you
identified you as
sacred to me, sacred to loves life

With me you will
understand exhilaration
release your precious seed
find solace in the folds of my being
receive stimulation for brilliance
unforeseen

With you I can relax my mind
give myself completely
understand the rhythm of our unity
and bloom under the watch of your
delicate eye

You are mine
and I will not share you
rather I will submerge myself in
the blessing of loving you

Don't Mind Waiting

I'm waiting for you, baby
glancing at the door whenever
there is a creak or sound
holding my breath
anticipating you

But, no, don't rush
I will gladly wait
Just the mere thought of you
leaves me full, complete
satisfied and sustained
able to hold on and
remain contained
until you return

You are worth the wait
so attentive, you have
studied my natural flow
chartered my rhythmic hum
determined the keys to play that
strike my sensual chords

Got me purring out
intimate melodies I never knew
flowed within
leaving me aching for your
intimate touch, firm grasp
detailed approach and
continuous climactic yield

My mind is already spinning.

So I'll wait
patiently
for your arrival.
Take your time, handle your business
when you are ready, prepared,
then please, baby
come to me

If Only

If only I could
let go and release
turn myself out
completely
allow my mind to
absorb all the possibilities
become agile and flexible
willing and yearning
for new experiences

If only I could
shut the door on
past mistakes and
create an eraser to
wipe memories away
pretend I didn't trip
hadn't fallen
laid splayed out on my back
for all to see

If only I could
recreate me
add in more courage
sprinkle in a bit of strength
a dose of forgiveness
a little bit of faith
belief that my
root won't eventually rot and
my cornerstone will not crack

If only I could
be sure
force myself to believe that
my foundation will not
eventually crumble

If only

Seeking Solace

Desperately
seeking solace in your smile
silence in your satisfaction
strength in your mesmerizing stare
sublime solidarity in your smugness

You are the
sunshine of my singular existence
simple soup for my splintered soul, a
salve on this painful sore, my
surreal sunflower in the midst of sorrow.

Temorarily Release

You represent freedom
an opening, a crack
the slight sliver in this plaster
a tiny hole in this foundation

I need to slide through
bend my body to
conform to your opening and
push in, bow down
fit within the seams
as best I can

It is my one opportunity for escape
Release
Sanity
Breathe

So I cling to you
grasp onto your moving form
clench to this one opportunity
the slight chance to
escape
exhale
submit
if only temporarily

Infinitely Forbidden

It is on the surface
so obvious and visible

I could easily fall in love with you
if I let me
But I don't
cause I can't
though I want to,
it is so forbidden

This life I live
is not my own
it has been given away
bartered and parcelled out
a peace offering
a cloth bandage
applied to reunite and
distilled as an eternal plea

But, oh how I want to let me go
relax and lay safely in your arms
feel the light press of your fingertips
against my skin
yield to your firm masculinity
beneath my palms

I could easily fall in love with you
if I let me
but I won't
cause I can't
and although I sincerely yearn to
it is infinitely forbidden

One Last Time

I had to talk
Yeah, I know I shouldn't have called
but the sound of your voice
soothes my anxiety
calms and relaxes me
dissipating my secret fears

Can you talk?
remind me, again
of how we used to be
by the simple longing
in your voice, and
the hesitation in your words
the kindness, gentleness
bestowed upon me
between each pause

Will you repeat your
whispered promises
before they are officially
null and void
just one mo' gain

Please

Tell me that I can
never be replaced
that your burn for me
has not been douse
and the spiritual itch
cannot be soothed

Don't you miss me?

I'm sorry,
but please
just talk to me
one last time

If You Let Me

I would gladly
decode your double speak
decipher your unspoken understanding
examine your intimate template of operation
create a solution to your
most complicated puzzle

If only you let me

Baby, I would take days
weeks and months
studying your mellow flow
clarifying your earthly logic and
determining what stimulates and inspires
ignites yearning and desire

But, only if you let me

If so, then I could
guide you into my secret space
lead you to my internal warm springs
gushing and overflowing
pulsing at the thought of you
I would allow you to
dip in a finger
your hand
submerge yourself in my waterfall
drench your body in the
liquid essence of my love

Trust me, I would definitely let you

A Tiny Kiss

A kiss seems so tiny
small, infinitesimal
in comparison to the
magnitude of infatuation
lust and the addition of
love

But a kiss can be
the sweetest thing
the purest expression
the unique touch connecting
soft and moist,
light and gentle,
firm and longing
passionate and dangerous.

The combination of united passions
are all contained in one kiss

I want to kiss you
if only just once
convey my deepest desire and
innermost hope by
just one kiss

Can I taste you
feel your softness against me
learn the warmth of you
your innermost cavern
searching and discovering
awakening your most unique
creative, sensual self

Can I kiss you?

Must Be a Groupie

I must be a groupie
it's the only explanation
here I am rolling eyes and smacking lips
judging others for the same lure
vicious trap, into which I fell

His abilities and talents hang before me
like splashes of life against the blank canvas
like that elongated carrot to a ravenous rabbit or
the sparkling diamond before an love starved woman

I've become transfixed
desiring my idea of him
lusting after my belief of him
wanting, no needing him to be
what I have conceived of

My perception reliant on
nothin more than
his talent

But he must be golden right?
How else could he have such a gift
possess such an inflamed skill
only someone special and sublime
could contain the supernatural within

Every view or rare experience
brings me closer to infatuation
with this person I don't even know
have no chance of meeting and
wouldn't know what to say or
even how to relate
if he did fall into my lap

Leaving me to be
a simple groupie
longing for this stranger
like pure spun gold

I Don't Understand Why

You've hurt me and
I don't understand why
can't place what has changed
what small shift in our
interaction
caused the seismic reaction that
has now taken place

You linger
trying to see whether I
am watching, noting
aware that you
are phasing me out
changing focus

Did you just
lose interest?

I don't get it
but you aren't the first.
Although you seem to be oblivious
I can tell you are in tune
still observing, still examining

Do you need to watch the
withdrawal of my addiction?

Trust me, you are not the first.

Light flirting and casual conversation
develop into
intimate confessions and hidden secrets
revealed, exposed, entrusted while
staring into eyes
and we click, I can feel it
a kindred spirit,a similar soul
My blessed exhale

Then, invariably, undoubtedly
he separates, moves away
changes course and withdraws his heart
his attention, his friendship
and I am left stuck,
confused
wondering what I did wrong
once again

Now I am hurt
I let you in
only to walk away with
another small piece of me
of hope, of love
of the idea of intimate relationship.

You've made a choice
to remove yourself and
I don't understand why.

Small Sacrifice

Yes, babygirl,
I live clean for you
for my seed
I pray your future will be
harm free
danger minimized and
exposure removed

I hope the fiery protectors
cover you in all things
protect and keep you
slaying your enemy before your feet

I cannot risk you and yours
continuing to pay for the actions of
me and mine
suffering down to the fourth generation
simply because I
strayed from the straight and narrow

You must be released from
the generational curses that
ravage our family
alcoholism and drug addiction
incarcerated or mentally enslaved
depression and isolation
abuse in so many forms
those must fall to the wayside

Therefore, I tuck away
mischievious intent, wandering eye
adulterous manuevers and
underworld activities

A promise was made
and I agreed to stand in the gap
sacrificing my here and now
for your soon to come
determining to live clean
to assure you bounty and blessings

baby girl, don't you know
it is but a small sacrifice
for you

Addicted

It overcame me
swept through me
hovered over me
dominated and controlled
all thought
a single controlling urge
rested in the pit of my belly
the base of my spine
along my fingertips
on the back of my thighs

Constricted, I became afraid to move
to turn, to let go
afraid a moan might escape
a sigh might seep through
my body might shudder for all to see

Oh, necessito evito, por favor
some type of release, now
my mind has tuned in
to your singular vibration
my body is committed to
riding into completion
exhilaration
but I can't
not here, not now
but I really don't care
the place is no longer relevant
no setting is improper

From just your image, shadow
profile
a secretly whispered promise
a remembrance of yesterday's
expression of ecstasy
I am lost in pleasure
melting into a puddle
obligated and committed to you
addicted to your identifiable mix

Crack the Shell

Leaving would be cool and easy
this lifestyle didn't quite fit
too snug around the chest
his nonchalant demeanor
assured me that
only his physical had been extended
anyway
so my departure would not cause
any real trail of tears
His constant coolness would
make the departing easy, necessary
since it was the determining factor
that made my situation feel
precarious, at best

But he freaked out
when my foot crossed the threshold
crying and pleading
opening a dam of emotion
previously unseen
demanding an explanation
a reason for leaving

Stumped, I thought the
reason self explanatory
at best
who could remain without
clear definition
appreciation, or acknowledgement
some idea of whether my existence
even mattered at all to him
when we weren't physically combined

But I stayed because
his silence and coolness
were sexy and alluring
and I had the unique ability to
pull him out
bring him into my mix
crack through his shell and
hear soul secrets and lustful utterings
in the midst
making our union just
that much more special

Completely Lost in You

So this is what it feels like
to be lost in someone

immediately after the most intimate
the glow fresh and strong
breath ragged and heavy
mind spinning and lost
blank to every thing but
the five senses
all peaked, enhanced
responding to extra attention
deliberate effort from
brotha willing to put the time in
for the exquisite unique outcome
releasing the body's special gifts
blossoming and blooming in
response to just a look
a breath
a caress
a whisper

So this is what it feels like
to want to consume
inhale every exhale
breathe in your very person
lips barely an inch apart
an eternal perpetual kiss by just
the slightest move
insatiable, spent and worn but
ravenous for you
need another taste
another touch
another promise
another lingering breathe
another light hold
another physical intertwine
to once again recapture
the moments, the seconds
the dizzied mind and the tingling vibe
the moaning breaths and the guttural sighs
yielding and succumbing to this
intense call, pounding desire
the remarkable answer to my innermost questions

wondering how I got along and
what life was before you and
curious what life will be like after you
if there is an after, if I can let go
release, maintain my distance and
play it cool, unconcerned, even disinterested
anything to keep you wanting me
any game to keep your eye in my direction
your imprint has wrapped itself around my very core
you must remain in my realm
despite my efforts to remain single
you have opened that window
slid through the door

Now, I am open

So this is what it feels like
to be completely lost
in you

You Have Life's Love

I love you for
unconditional love
patience
inconceivable understanding

It is unrelenting,
your positivity and
unbreakable faith
planting seeds of
peace and joy
mercy and goodness

I love you for
unbending and unyielding
fulfilling but not suffocating
concentrated, but not slickly thick

You have life's love,
despite it all
dream's love
in spite of it all
God's love
distributed through our union
bearing and absorbing
it all

Your Soft Hand

Time has surrounded me
encumbered me
binding and strapping me
restricting my reach to memories

I cannot bring back the past
Oh, how I want to,
just to experience as
many of those moments of you
as I can

I am bound to the magnetic tunnel of time
unable to crack it
forward motion never stopping, never releasing me
I cannot get extra
cannot stretch out this second, moment, minute
see?
it is already gone

I just want to see her again.
Just one more time
hear the tinkling laugh
the gentle voice
hold the soft hand that felt like
the bottom of a newborns foot
The hands that would place me in her lap,
rub my back, pray over me and
cover me with love
God inspired protection

Annie Ophelia
I miss you, but I understand
you have been released and
the pain is finally gone

But every now and then, in my dreams
I am that little girl again
in endless love with
her beautiful grandmother
holding onto your soft, soft hand....

Do You Trust Me

You possess an inner beauty
pure and untouched
crisp and crystal clear
like the blue burn of a
new flame

I've tried to reach it
but it's inaccessible
sealed away beneath
folds of pain and shards of shrapnel
buried between layers of callousness

Why? For protection or because of fear?
Are you scared that the surreal and virginal
will be weakened, watermarked
become the missing scale in your hide
the exposed underbelly of your shell

Can I see in
stare past your golden eyes
into your wonderful inner being
pure like the white light
at the center of the sun

Do you trust me enough?

Where You Wanna Be

You still don't know, do you
Still don't have an answer for me?
It's not clear to you, yet
that I am where you wanna be?

I just don't understand anymore,
what else do I need to do,
who else do you want me to be?
Weren't you the one that said
I'm every woman?

Well, what now?
As your infatuation fades,
so does my worth, my appeal
my value

Before you couldn't be without me
had to smell me, touch me
rub secret places and kiss naughty areas
in private, in public
insatiable urges that only
I could cure

Now, your eyes wonder at
every honey that walks past
You haven't touched me in months
my taste no longer satisfies

I get it.
It's finally clicking
I am forcing something, that is no longer there
holding on to a dream, image, pure mirage
I wanted to be your everything
but am no longer anything to you
used up and over cultivated
leaving me barren and dry

Or so you think.
But my riches and oils are bountiful
plentiful
plush, thick and luscious
my scent will attract another
my mind will reel him in
I have no doubt that
my ability to love will rebound
resurface and replenish itself

So your right,
I think.
You need to just move on.

Love's Lure

Got to wonder what
real love is
Can I have some?
A taste, a drop
Just a thick dribble

Can I stick out my tongue to capture
love's raindrop, heavy and golden
rolling against my cheek and
transforming into liquid purity and sincerity
tumbling lightly down my throat
infecting the very core of me

I want to strip down and
roll completely in it
dive and swim deeply
within it
navigate through its
lush paths and thick jungles
struggle up its cold snowy peaks

Maybe, I can become so saturated
satiated and drenched by love
that it will air dry on moist skin
lingering to every DNA strand
radiating loves sweet scent
teasing
calling and luring
drawing you in like
sweet honey to a beautiful bee

Life is Love

I almost caved in
fell for it
absorbed and succumbed to it

The irrational anger that
swept through my inner chamber
blood boiling the internal river
blame forming a ball of slick resistance
lodging itself at the back of my neck

Foulness spewed forth
hacking and hurling
thick and uncomfortable
blocking my breath and
snuffing out my inner joy

"This life is useless"

Huh? The thought escaped the
sealed inner chamber, sliding through the
cracked door where depression and post partum
misery, painful memory and self doubt had been
neatly tucked away, shut in
sealed and locked

The thought jolted me back to reality
the whispered lie snatched me from misery's slumber
I jumped up and away from self pity's grasp
slamming shut the vault of regret and
bolting it with reinforced steel

Then I released that dreaded lie, removed it from my spirit
I'm not falling for
hate's seductive grind
my life is love
for which I am grateful

Discover Kai

I am flowing
bursting
stretching the seams and
entering a new frontier
a space renewed and a
genuine self acceptance.
Releasing rejection, pain
dismay and despair

I am discovering me

Defining me
reaching deep within to
scoop out handfuls of
intimate thoughts and
spiritual beliefs

Do you see me? Finally?
Past the plain exterior,
muted down and taking cover
hiding to heal and
oblivious, to belong

Now, you can find me
accepting intelligence from a
different package
want and desire from a
different wrapping
determination via a
new and improved process

Are you interested?
Do you want to learn me,
Can't you, won't you
take the time to
Discover Kai?

Unity's Fruit

On my mind tonite
is amazement that I
ever doubted my commitment
and complete devotion
to this thing here

Why would I?

The world's offerings are
bittersweet and unsubstantial
vapor and transparent

I demanded the idea
from you
respect and trust
time and patience
how could I be willing to
settle for second best from
so many other potential candidates

Absolutely not.

I will not make a fool of love
will not make a mockery of faith
You believed, and therefore returned
I believed, and grasped onto purity

Our lives will sing a testimony
of possible impossibility and
supernatural dominion

There is a reward for
this determined commitment
acknowledgement of our continuous sacrifice
Our seed will eventually sprout
to bare witness to
unity's fruit

The Other Woman

You wonder whether I am serious
doubting my intent
this ruthless inclination
the revengeful desire to destroy
what I cannot have

Sleeping on me would
be your fatal flaw
underestimating the seething rage
that swept through my being
erasing all rationale and calm
eradicating logic and reason

You think I won't shatter that thin shell
shaping and forming your world
expose your flawed spirit and selfish self

Yeah, I'll let her know that
every taste of you has a
lingering residue of me and
every technique you ever taught was
learned in my secret sanctuary

You want to back me into a corner with
ultimatums of loyalty and silence
coupled with monogamy or else
in exchange for lifestyle maintenance and
random rendezvous, offering up bits of you
cause I can't have the whole

My refusal sparks your goodbye after
my morals have been compromised
self esteem demolished and self worth measured
price tag attached, bartered and sold

Trust me, if you walk through that door
I have no problem
Making that call.

72 hours

Sit still.
No, please, don't speak
It's all about you tonite
tomorrow
this weekend

I already did the shopping
stocked up the shelves so
there is no need to surface,
exit, depart from our world
assimilate or emerge
for the next three days

I think that's just enough time
My plan? Don't worry
I can keep you entertained
sure I will keep your mind stimulated
your entire being engaged

Trust me, I got you!
All I want is to restore and affirm you
make sure this
message of love is
clear, pin pointed and focused
directly at your heart

So lie down,
hmmm, no stop,
keep your hands to yourself
for now, anyway

Just lay back and
open your mind to
the possibility of
recurring unconditional love
saturating your head and
fulfilling the physical
over the next 72 hours

Oh, now you get it.
Yeah, I thought you'd like that.

Mr. Mann

Mr. Mann, I need you to listen
hear me
without comment or judgment cause
I am enraptured by your
bountiful, beautiful
luscious back

It can't be wrong,
to stare at and admire,
dream of and desire
long to touch
need to grasp
imagine the cushion of it
in my hands

My mind's eye has
already stripped you
trust me, I already know
can figure out the
texture and tone
smooth and grooves
how to touch and
fully enjoy so

Come on,
don't be shy about it
let's just dismiss pretense and
deal on the real.
Take it off
All of it. Right here right now
There is nothin but you and I
opportunity to touch and enjoy
taste and feel,
observe and admire the
beauty of much back

Stimulated

With simple communication
and good spirit vibe
I am addicted to the

sound of your voice
filtered understanding flowing
through warm and smooth
silky and textured

Directly mentally stimulating
connecting me to worlds unknown
and desires previously unfelt
by the simple touch of your hand

Making my physical response
to your mental stimulations
throbbing pounds and quick breaths
tongue tied

my body warms at the
mere mention of you
causing me to
clench thighs and
bite lips
regulate my mental to
clear sensual thoughts and
dispel the mounting tension
friction, anticipation
implosion, discovery
of the image created by
you and I

Latino Lovers

I watched them from afar
observed them without envy
jealous free, at first anyway

She leaned against him
head snug in the crook of his neck
arms and torso hidden
protected within the shell of his body

He closed his eyes
enjoying her warmth
lost in the imminent promise of
her open love

When she finally shifted aside
he observed his woman
with open but squinted eyes
lust and desire pouring forth
heat flushed on his very surface

He murmured tempting promises
to his bonita senorita
the clear intent melodic
in Latino language of love
to stimulate and arouse
prepare her mind for the
bodies future experiences

I watched
recalling all the Latino men prior that
I spotted holding hands and wrapping arms
touching gently and rubbing caressingly

in public

affirming her beauty
ascending her intimacy
confirming her sensuousness
laying claim to her person

I watched longingly.

Maintain the Status Quo

There is so much to lose and
so little to gain
but my attraction to you
is intoxicating, stimulating
insatiable and mind boggling

Will you, talk to me
whisper softly
say my name and
mutter that code
the secret words
unlocking the safe
breaking open inhibitions
pouring the wave only in response to you
can you do that, for me....

No.

You came to your senses first
while my head bobbed in and out of
this tide of sensual confusion
yours returned to sanity,
clear and focused

Knew that both our lives
had already inexplicably changed,
just by the meeting, and
forward motion was actually unnecessary
to fulfill the magnetic energetic explosion
already experienced

Your departure rescued my life
maintained my status quo
but deflated me
knowledge that my mental, physical, emotional partner
only spiritual soulmate
had disappeared,
even if for my own good

I accept your leaving
comprehend the scope, magnitude
fundamental sacrifice of your decision
Now, I love you even more.

The Waking

You woke something up
in me
a simple conversation and
a light game of
black folk geography
determined our similar paths,
goals and dreams

You stimulated me
enthralled and enchanted this
imagination
The idea of you
so smooth
ambition so clear and pure

I wanted you
needed to know you, connect with you
drink in this new experience
feel my heart swell and
my mind spin

I longed for your presence
your essence
clung to the idea and the perfect beauty
of you

Court Ordered Visit

I had successfully avoided him
all weekend
court ordered visitations causing
fear to streak through my heart whenever
he entered the room or
his voice carried through walls
praying that he just continued
to ignore me

Or maybe he was sincerely oblivious
to my existence
I don't know
but I found comfort in
anonymity
hiding in my cousin's room or
following behind her brother's friends
playing in the yard and
running the streets

going to ghetto house parties
in cramped government quarters
sipping wine coolers and
giggling at boys
so safe with others

But he remembered

Called my name as I left the bathroom
I walked slowly up attic stairs
timid steps, eyes closed
praying for protection

He laid in the middle
of his king size throne
naked women on either side
one under sheets
other sitting on edge

"Take a hit"
he pointed at naked ho
offering peace pipe
My twelve year old nails
dug into palms
what would he do
when I said no

I shook head
instinctively took a step back
"You might as well learn now"
he pressed, smacking ho's ass
so she would bring the bong to me
"Take a hit"

"No, daddy, no."

I fled, hiding in cousin's room
tears pouring as she hugged me
wondering why, why
this always had to happen
when would the judge
stop forcing me into this situation and
why oh why
had God allowed me
to be born to this.

For the First Time

For the first time
in a long time
I sat back and observed
without speaking, judging, inputing
Actually analyzed my surroundings
compared wordly chaos to
peaceful home

For the first time
in a long time
I remember the honor
in purity; in oneness
in uniting only with the
preordained soul mate
designed just for me

For the first time
in a long time
I realized how blessed I have been
by supernatural interference
destroying attempted deception and
reuniting destructive separation

For the first time
in a long time
I really thought about
your decisions and sacrifices
considerations and thoughtfulness
Truly
Soul remembrances of kind spirit
and for real love
uniquely doled out and
stored in the reservoir
just for me

For the first time
in a long time
I thanked God
for you.

Uncorrupted

What makes you different
from all the others
why hasn't the game
sucked you in
hypnotized and corrupted you?

Tell me
doesn't the thrill
of the chase
prize of the conquered
compel and stir you

How have you become so focused
on the family life
when others all around have
given up hoe
thrown up hands and
sighed in disgust
disappointed with
unattainable missions and
faint dreams

You know what,
I am thankful for cleanness
I cherish it, your temple not defiled
by the multitudes
no hidden agenda or moral disruptions
your surface smooth and certain

Copyright 2006 at Discover Kai

Simply Put

Simply put,
you are

life and love
heaven and earth
yen and yan
sun and sky
moon and stars
peace and war
beginning and end
joy and love
pain and hurt
temporary and forever
right and wrong
long and short
wet and dry
wide and narrow
future and past
life and death.

Kindness' Return

Always surprised when someone
identifies kindness in me
the lingering spirit that
I covered and swallowed
tucked away then completely removed
Later, worked so hard to retrieve
but am now receiving punishment
for rejecting

I chose to mask
all signs of godly deposits
hide and seek to destroy
evidence of sweet spirit
with all my might
so I could hang
qualify and identify with
the urban chaos

Maybe I made the wrong choice

Exposed soul turned hard,
cold and calloused
imitating ghetto hard to
protect from pain of attack

But I have escaped
free to search and restore
my gifts
repossess them, although some were
abused and abandoned

Kindness retreated, scared and hurt
she hid in the shadows
her very nature
distorted by my cruelty

Slowly, slowly she lets me in
allows me to exist within her for a spell
tests my waters to ascertain my loyalty
am I true, trustworthy?

Kindness is slowly allowing
rebirth and mended ties
to surge through me, touch others and
uplift the Kingdom

I am thankful she is here and
blessed that you identified her
within me

Your Enhancement

Can you stay
for a little while
I'm not quite ready
to be alone
not yet

Normally, my alone time
is not lonely time
but, your space has enriched me
brightened me
added music to silence
light to dimness
color to drab
taste to bland

Now I am senstive to
new arousals and enrichment and
concerned about the
return to plain
sad at the thought of reentry
now it seems so
lonely
returning to dry and brittle after inhaling your
moist and luxurious

So please, please
stay with me
just a little while
maybe then I can release you
and the enhancement you possess

Necessary Gentleness

Do you remember
the gentleness we shared
pure adoration and
sweet desire

Shared laughter
Similar desires
Unfaded hope and belief
the future just a
vast, neverending plane
of possibility
opportunity
riches and comfort in our dreams

We dreamed together
or, at least, I thought so
First your talent
then mine
but life swooped in
and survival became crucial
just me and you
against the world
sounds romantic but
in actuality its
a lonely, hard place for us
both to be

Lets take time out
separate carelessness
end cruelty and
remember past love,
past gentleness

My Secret

I got a secret and
I ain't telling
it's mine all mine
a sweet memory
for me

My secret
floats around the
sphere of my spirit
an invisible source
of joy and love

Naw,naw
I can't tell you my secret
won't reveal
what makes me tick
allows me to rise with a grin
and close my eyes
in anticipation

What a wonderful thing
a promise just for me
an idea ripe with peace
an experience open to pleasure
my place of comfort and freedom
a warm cozy blanket
secure and sure footing
my secret

Rescue Me

I'm drowning
resentment has liquified
loosened, dripping into my lungs
filling my chest with
thick oily regret
covering me
suspending me in this
pool of anger

I'm worried, scared
Cause I'm silently suffocating
quietly relenting to the
ebb and flow of life and its
blatant disregard
for me

I'm here
didn't want to put you
in an awkward space
but you alone can
renew me
relieve me
release me
if only temporarily
will you be my reed that
breaks through the glassy surface
my straw of breath
a private life line
just for today
tonite
right now
can you rescue me?

Spark My Flow

You ignite my flow
stimulating imagination
dreams, fantasies and ideas that
I have no courage to
actually enact

You know it
that's why you
tease, flirt and smile
engage, avoid, interact
then withdraw
just enough to
keep my interests piqued
just enough to
be clearly unavailable....


**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

She Apologized

She apologized
and it confused me
kinda made me sad
guilty feeling, because
she was the only one that
ever tried to do right by me

Took time to
observe my uncomfortable fit
she tried to
usher in some cool
some game, at least a little
didn't want her niece
suffering more
isolation and separation.......

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Phone Number

I don't call folks
that I don't know
It's the simple rule
you got to know someone
who knows someone
who knows me

But, you were too fine to deny
to your face
so I accepted number figurin
scrap would just eventually float away,
disappear
just like the memory of you

You placed number in my palm
and held on
applying pressure, so gently
but firm, firm enough
while eyes remained focused
trailing a blaze, smoldering heat
under your touch.........

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Don't Say A Word

Smoke filtered through and
alcohol induced laughter carried into the night
Indignant shouts, righteous planning and plotting
They were confronting their men and
taking me with them


**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Willingly Aqcuiese

If I ask
will you tell?
Are you bold, brave enough
to lay it all out
I want a clear analysis
No. Not a brief overview

If you had me,
what would you do?

It's out there
I'm interested, thinking and weighing
scoping out the idea
Is it plausible? Possible?
Worth it?

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Love's Misunderstanding

I used to believe that love
meant total and complete possession
Belonging to me and only me

Every offense was a threat
to my inner woman
undermining any and everything
that we were

Therefore, I had to
hold on tight
grasp firmly
claw and fight
to remain suctioned to love

I was wrong.....

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Emotional Indifference

It took a while to realize
open eyes and admit
I don't know you at all,
not really

Romancing the physical,
laying hands on person,
rubbing lips and
intertwining limbs
merging breath and wind
to unison plateau
don't mean nothin
not really
when I don't really know you.....

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

May I?

Your love is a deep well
May I drink from your depths?
cherishing every precious drop
this hallowed bank of golden spirit
your essence, streamed and plentiful

Your love is a meadow
May I sit on your grassy mounds?
peaceful and content
as your breathe blows trees
swirling around me
sprinkling orange and red leaves
all over, uncovered, free.....

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Come Back

I woke up in love with black men
not just one in particular, but
the collective, whole
the idea of strength and creativity
fortitude and
the belief in
pure relationship with loving women
protecting family with
fierce honor and pride

A feeling like highschool
watching boyfriends athletic feats
feeling goosebumps at the power
before DL rumors and jail statistics
HIV and condom ignorance
or refusal
misogynistic music pregnant with
self hate and death' destruction.........

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Cry For Me

One day
Ima take the time to
cry for me

A good hearty boohoo
well deserved and
damn straight justified
allow the little girl in me to
unravel and uncoil
crack shell around hidden emotion
and release pain like air
seeping from balloon...

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

The Request

In one night
I opened my soul
revealed my heart and
displayed the internal confusion
new woman lust and awareness had
developed into new considerations, but
two years two late
for you

It was the first time
you were allowed a glimpse or
a slight taste of the
deep river flowing beneath my
innermost caves
normally still but suddenly rushing
slamming against shores
splashing onto banks of my mind...

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Answered Prayer

I got on bended knee
prayed for a sign, clear answer
a direction
seeking clarity to
maternal dilemma
protect my seed from
family exposure

Within hours
you sent her
the third generation
physical embodiment of
emotional confusion
despair and depression
another psychotic daughter
of a torn dysfunctional unit...

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Silver Lining

There is a silver lining
to this cloud
I have spotted it
although it is far, far
far beyond my reach

It's sight restores faith
refills my empty vessel
renews resolution to
forge ahead....

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Fell In Love

Fell in love with a man

Uhm, well, kinda sorta
not really in love, more like
infatuated stimulations and
intimate inspirations
mental musings
creating physical longing
requiring his direct reaction
calming, soothing and healing

I called it love, but
he knew what it was
understood my boundaries and limits
more than I
He never encroached past that
established parameter...

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

You

I couldn't help but
want you
cling to the idea of you

You are the
breeze against my ear
the light touch on my temple
the caress on my lower back...

Mission Impossible

I wanted to meet
plan it out and
hookup with you
for the obvious,
to do what we came to do

You are the master of the creep
guiding and leading
instructing on this
darker side, clandestine world
previously unknown to me

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Eternal Price

Name the price of engagement.
Cause right now,
I swear I'm paying with
mind , body, spirit and soul

You are stripping me
wearing me down and unraveling
my energy
staining my reality
digging out my core while
observing me cruelly

Leave. Please, please leave.

But it isn't enough,
the slow decimation of me
you must destroy my very essence
until I am
bowed down
castrated and broken

Then you'll still hang on
'til this soul has been ripped
from the bent frame,
sucked out and destroyed
torn and tormented

You wish to rob and defile me
energize you and dethrone me
the same thing you loved, now repulses
and you must desecrate me until I
am no longer anything but a reflection of you
my beauty gone, minimized and reduced
to appease your self hate

All Man

How easy is it
to possess that masculine thing?
Does it just flow to you, like that?
Unmistakable mandom swallowing you whole
possessing and radiating
individual pulse
shocking every feminine bloom
within your radius

Don't you wonder how you've
got it like that
There are many fine men,
handsome and beautiful
but, they don't exude it
like you, baby...

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Soul Kiss

I'm sending you a soul kiss.
Only to you.
This unique symbol of devotion and love.
Identifying my soul mate,
spiritual partner, physical lover and mental stimulator.

Yes. A soul kiss.

My innermost vibration
radiating slowly in circular expansion
like a penny thrown in a still pond
creating slight ripples,
spreading and pulsing against you
filling every orifice until
locating your most secret self

When our souls touch
yours will recall making love to me
uttermost wants and secret whispers
admitted desires and deepest promises...

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Rejected Happiness

Proud to say
I've rejected happiness
that illusive tempter seducing me with
flexed arms and masculine carved back
offering whimsical pleasure in
intermittent bursts, but continuity
always outside my grasp

No more will I
participate in this salsa
grinding against happiness' hips
absorbing his unique power
anticipating full release but
suffering unfulfilled withdrawal

Uh uh. I don't need happiness...

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Peace Offering

Confused
I find myself
wanting you
although I am not
in the least bit
attracted to you

This is bizarre or
kinda ridiculous because
my desire to envelope you
is irrational at best,
illogical and inexplicable....

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Missed Chance

It could've gone
either way that night
you must've known
why didn't you realize?

No choice was final
actually no decision had been made
so relieved to be done
free, released
celebration was the only thought
at the forefront of my mind...
**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**