Court Ordered Visit

I had successfully avoided him
all weekend
court ordered visitations causing
fear to streak through my heart whenever
he entered the room or
his voice carried through walls
praying that he just continued
to ignore me

Or maybe he was sincerely oblivious
to my existence
I don't know
but I found comfort in
anonymity
hiding in my cousin's room or
following behind her brother's friends
playing in the yard and
running the streets

going to ghetto house parties
in cramped government quarters
sipping wine coolers and
giggling at boys
so safe with others

But he remembered

Called my name as I left the bathroom
I walked slowly up attic stairs
timid steps, eyes closed
praying for protection

He laid in the middle
of his king size throne
naked women on either side
one under sheets
other sitting on edge

"Take a hit"
he pointed at naked ho
offering peace pipe
My twelve year old nails
dug into palms
what would he do
when I said no

I shook head
instinctively took a step back
"You might as well learn now"
he pressed, smacking ho's ass
so she would bring the bong to me
"Take a hit"

"No, daddy, no."

I fled, hiding in cousin's room
tears pouring as she hugged me
wondering why, why
this always had to happen
when would the judge
stop forcing me into this situation and
why oh why
had God allowed me
to be born to this.