Scent

He inhaled
and smiled
grinned, then nodded
ever so slightly
my scent
pleased him

He held me close
whispered gently
that he loved
my smell
natural
perfumed
me

He enclosed me
in his arms
and inhaled deeply
I floated away
lost in the
plush cushion
of his adoration
lost in the
wonder of
the power
of scent

he inhaled
my scent
pleased him

Alone

Have you ever felt
unimportant
irrelevant
as if no one would notice
whether you had ever been here
whether you had ever existed
at all

Have you ever felt
uninspired
bored
the days dragging by in a
rythmless hum
course and dry
sad and alone

Sometimes
I feel so unimportant
irrelevant
my person too plain to
make the world see me
notice me
take interest in figuring
me out

And I wish
I had that sparkle
to draw in the inquisitive
attract the special and
inspire the talented

Sometimes, sometimes
I am all alone...

Inspire Me

I can be
everything you want me to be
whatever you need
how you need me
when you need me
where you need me
in the way you need me

I'll be that

at your request
I'll be everything
you want me to be
I can be that
I can do that
only for you
if you will just
inspire me...

Be Still

Something has happened
something has changed
something is distorted
somehow its manipulated
there is a shift, a difference
and things are not what they seem

But you are solid
tried and true
remember that
remember who you are
despite them, or because of them

Be still
and focus
Be still
and allow the vision to
come back into view
Be still
and see how the supernatural
reveals the truth
how your path will be lighted
how you will know
where to go and
what to do

don't be blinded be misplaced loyalty
don't be sidetracked by hurt feelings or
sideswiped by prides pathetic rant

just Be still
remember the dream
remember it, and hold true
the right move
will reveal itself to you

Private Promises

I lay my hands
flat
against your bare chest
my lips
brush softly
across your earlobe
I whisper
that it will be alright
that I want you
I need you

My hands
gently caress your neck
as you face me
my thumbs
along your hairline
my fingertips
grazing your throat
I don't move fast

I touch you slow

I have so much to tell you
to show you
to feel you
to learn you

I run my hands
along the ripple of your muscle
the strong rise
just over your hip bone
the wide expanse
of your beautiful chest
the gentle softnes
of your thick lips
I whisper in your ear
these private promises
of lust

Be Careful

It burns through
then it fades
the power of hate
it blazes so bright
so powerful
mesmerizing, like watching the
overture of fireworks
as confusion is stirred and
anguish is laid out
while someone is trying
to rectify a wrong
correct a mistake
lesson the intensity of
hate from your gaze

But, what if the person
no longer cares
that you hate them
the energy turns
changes
from something powerful to
something draining
pulling, eroding
while you claim hate
the person doesn't even
register your existence
and the emotion is somehow
reflected off them
and absorbed into your heart

Be careful with hate
cause you wield it as a
sharpened sword
and delight in its
pinpointed pain
but one day, no one will care
or try to soothe you or
appease you

and you will be alone
festering in your own hate

You Are

No more fights
I am battle weary
No more arguments
I am completely torn
No more silence
the quiet is killing me
No more neglect
my spirit is yearning nourishment

I need you to feed me
water me
give me warm
be my comforter
my lover
my deep dark quiet river
keeping me buoyant
afloat
be my air, an instinctive need
to take you in and
slowly release

No more uncertainty
I need substantial
No more indecision
I long for finality
You are my lifeline
my heartbeat
my soulclap
my thunder
my drumline

I need your warm

Bad Dreams

As a child
the images, the dreams
were so real
I would shiver, cry, scream
terrified
of a dream
only a dream

Life felt so uncertain then
a lightly balanced plank over a
deep dangerous precipice
I knew that I had to hold on
to win
to outlast my dream
if I were to open my eyes
and continue to be

I managed to stop them
to train my brain
to wake up, snap me out of
terrors realm
release me in
realities safety

But even now
I fight them
fight the dreams that
threaten to smother me
fight the images that
try to drown me
fight the despair
that seeks to overwhelm me

The Ugly Side

What I got
was a crocheted bag
after all the bickering
in fighting and degradation

As panic crawled up my spine
and released itself
in waterfalls down my face
costume jewelry and old clothes
picture albums and antique furniture
the sum of her near eighty years

and they fought
digging through the past
laying claim to what belonged to a family
to generation
with every fowl utterance
destroying memories and
desecrating love
disintegrating integrity
dehumanizing everything she was

I quietly returned the pictures
memorized her faint script and
redeposited her letters
removed the beloved pictures
and released any claim I had

I left with her crocheted bag
the only memento
of my grandmother's life

the only unwanted item
they allowed me.

The Reminder

a warning bell
a light sounding alarm
vibrated through my mind
as I watched him
watch her

I forgot
that he also had eyes
also had feelings
also had emotions
while my mind plays tricks
teases and flirts
languishes and lusts
he is still here,
but faced with so many...
options

She smiled at him
while I watched
he observed her flat stomach, her sculpted arms
a physique so similar
to my pre-mama one

but then, as i held my breathe
he looked away
his chin resolute
his eyes on
his children
my children
the recreation of us
splashing in the pool

I slowly exhaled
but that bell rang so sharply
reminding me
reminding me
to look at, to appreciate
what I have....

Walk Away?

What if I bit off
more than I can chew
Can I back out
say I quit
shrug my shoulders
shake my head
and start on a new path

What if life seemed
more simple than it has ever really been
Can I call time out
yell Freeze and
run for cover
can I spot Life these first 34 years
and try to recover with the rest

But that's just the problem
even if this is the wrong path
there is no guarantee of a future
all I have is a mark
a path
a record
of memories and past transactions
that is what ultimately defines who I am
and what I have done
so, if I don't develop that
take time to create or grow
the past nothing into something
then how can I possibly
walk away

Her Spinning Head

His words of affection
make her weak
breathless
speechless

he says she
reminds him of an angel
if only he knew the truth
if only he saw the visions
stretching themselves
along the screen of her mind
they all
include him
and angelic is the last word
used to describe them

She is determined to use restraint
for now
to bind her tongue and
stifle each moan
that collects in the back of her throat
when he holds her near
light touches her neck
sprinkles a kiss on her cheek
bestows a special smile
that lingers on his face
at the sight of her

He calls her an angel
but he knows
is intrigued
understands the magnitude of
her desire
fully comprehends that her spinning head
is the result of his
carefully orchestrated plan

Daddy Gap

This inner hole
I can't seem to fill it
cover it up or
block it
without the pain bubbling through
gurgling up
fizzing out every open pore
to my soul

You were worse
than absent
you were distant
cold
judgemental and
unbending
unblinking
your eyes searched my face
my body
listed out every flaw, systematically
Noting what I inherited
from them
pointing out every mistake
your mingled blood
created

I am you
yet you see no beauty in me
I am your daughter
yet I was worth nothing to you
I try to forget it
brush it off and wave it away
but the truth is
my self worth was
brushed away
piece by piece
demolished
particle by particle
during every forced encounter
with you

I Feel You

I feel you
its out there
waiting
watching
wondering whether I will
ever be bold enough
to step up
to lay claim

I feel you
your support
your energy
your strong hand
your solid frame
your inquistive mind
testing
responding
reaching out
solidifying
an idea, a desire

we are a match
so much alike
I need you
adore the
way you make me feel
the empowerment
your spirit provides
the strength your being
exudes
I feel you

Success

You remind me
of something unspeakable
inevitable
lonely
but driven
the pressure to perform
to uphold
to never disappoint
to always win

Its a burden
as much as it is a gift
there are rich rewards
but devastating costs
noone seems aware
of the price
of the heavy debt
excellence requires you pay

You remind me
of something
I carried, toted
on my back
in my heart
pushing and pushing
driving and crushing
when success is not just an option
but an expected outcome
and those all around demand it
yet remain oblivious to
the
real price
that only you pay

Mr. Smith

The little girl
knocked at the door
frazzled
burdened
her hair wild
her clothes mishapen
There was only so much
her little shoulders could carry
only so much
her strong mind could bear

He answered the door
overlooking her at first
but, glancing down, he read the
pain in her eyes
the hurt deep in her soul
he was the only one
who had any clue
who knew how much she suffered
who tried to ease her pain
without saying a word

20 years later
that little girl
sits here typing
remembering
admiring God's strategically placed angel
who offered comfort
when the world seemed so cold
who remained solid
when her own parents
ruptured the very ground
on which she stood

Even now,
20 years later
she remembers his smile
his dry humor
the comfort he offered
allowing her access
to the stability of his home
even now
20 years later
she thanks God that he
was in her life
even if only for a little while

One Mo Gain

I needed to see you
and you knew it
waited for it
confident that
I would come back
even for just a whiff
a light scent
a quick press
a lasting touch

I had to see you
look in your eyes
just one more time
see if
it was still there
if it was
as strong as it felt
as real as I
wanted it to be


I needed to see you
and you willingly
accommodated me
like you always do
always
in every little way
in every minute detail
in every unspoken way

I needed to see you
I have one more request
I know you won't deny me
you never do
just give me this
I need to get
lost in you
just
one mo gain...