Proud

I'm proud of you
for seeing past current circumstance
fighting through
past disappointment
releasing all obvious
past pain

You are a rare gem
a diamond amongst
shards of gold
In my eyes
you sparkle
your sheer will
glows
because I watched you
hold onto a belief
in yourself and in your future
when it seemed that
all hope was lost
and I recognize that drive
and hope you one day realize
all the wonderful achievements
and the bountiful future
you so richly deserve

Needed Self Control

Stop
staring at his mouth
when he talks
reign it in
get some control
have some
self respect

Raise your eyes
try to
listen to the words
focus on the
spot between his eyes

Don't look in those eyes
because then you might smile
might let them linger
let your pressure rise
let your heartbeat increase
feel that slight burn
in the pit of your stomach
at the possibility
of what
the two of you can be
if you both let go
just once

No
You have to focus
come on, what did he just say?
now you have no answer
and he is waiting
smiling
politely wondering
what you were standing here thinking
while your head
was nodding and you
tugged at your skirt
your eyes hovering around
those thick lips

come on, girl
get some self control...

Quiet Love

I love your quiet
I do
Knowing that only I
can make you talk
sigh
reveal your dreams
admit your wants

So tell me, do you want me?
Still?
Are you happy
with where we are?
what we are?
who we are?

I know the answer
when you finally speak
when you finally talk
because you don't waste your words
don't violate your quiet
your comfort
your stability
rests in your quiet
and my comfort
my stability
my wonder at your
masculine perfection
rests in your quiet

I love your quiet

Childish Politics

Its hard
to not react
to not strike out and harm
the one that is
hurtuing mine
to bite my tongue
and count it all joy
believe it will all
work out
in my child's best interest
for my child's peace of mind

It is hard
not to run on the field
cursing and acting a fool
or going to the office
and revealing all the secrets
all the discrepancies
all of the
bullshit
that I know
to make your faults
public
and your inadequacies
common knowledge

But then
I would be no better
than every irate one
and my son
would be left to the
irrational devices of
retaliation

So I sit quietly
pray
and cheer
but
it is hard...

Sickle Cell

I have lost three woman
to sickle cell
so far
I can't claim ownership
because the woman were
no more than my friends
my inspiration
my demonstration of courage
of love
of living life
and savoring each moment

I was not the family
that had to bury them
the child that would never know her mother
the fiancee
that could never make one her wife
the husband
that would never plant his seed
I was spared
from the excruciating pain
of watching the light of life
flicker and fade
witness the inevitable distruction
of an impossible fate

But I still lost
three remarkable woman
to sickle cell
watching them bounce in and out
of hospitals
bandaged joints and
paining limbs
But while they were here
each one of them was
magnifiscent
glowing beauty
unstoppable brilliance and
impenetrable strength

each one of them
defeated it
in their own way

Believing

Believing
that all things happen for a reason
all things, but
most certainly the bad
the pain
the trauma and the struggle

Believing
in His Word
and His promise
and the past record of proof
which is my life
and my pain
and my bridge over
troubled waters
my protective armor through
pestilence and pain

Believing
that it will be
all good
all right
all safe
all true
this world, a mere training ground
to stretch and develop my soul
teach and mature me
into who He would have me to be

giving thanks
for unshakable faith
a learned response
a stronger belief

I'm believing....

Mirror

You eyes
are the mirror
to my soul
the reflection
of my life
the receipt
of love deposited

Your eyes
lock on mine
I have no more words
and my mind goes blank
wondering
wondering
wondering

how can your eyes
be the mirror
to my soul?

Scandalous

She doesn’t like me
And I know it
Enjoy it
Revel in it
Gain from it

Her eye roll and
Tongue smack
Tell me more
Than you can ever say
I am more of a threat
Than I ever imagined
Your heart belongs more to me
Than I ever knew

Because she knows it
Feels it
Sees it every time
You glance at me
Every time I smile at you
Every time our gentle interactions
Are a bit too close
Last a bit too long
Hint of a deeper intimacy
Suggest a thicker meaning

I have to give it to her
She’s wiser than I thought
She should be wary
Worried
Annoyed and
On the watch
Because I do want you
And I will claim you
When I am ready
When you are sure
When I know that
The time is right

She doesn’t like me
And I am glad to know it
She has told me more
Than you could ever say
And I will soon step forward
To claim my prize

Happy Birthday

Wishing me a
happy birthday
today
September 11
a day that has often passed
uncelebrated
unnoticed
a card left on the table
a kind motherly word

a father who never knew the date
a mother who couldn't afford to celebrate it
monies had to be spent to
entertain the selfish uncle
on his annual visits to our
meager homeland
two weeks before my birthday
every single year

happy birthday to me

a day that makes me sad
causes that sick lonely feeling of
a child trying to swallow her own need
her own emotions
to appease the nagging conscience of
the adults around her or
excuse the blatant neglect
of a father to his only daughter

happy birthday to me

thankful to be alive
but desperately struggling to maintain
mental calm through this
24 hour period
in which memories drown me
like a thick suffocating gel and
sadness fills my vessel
remembering the little girl
who truly believed
that her birthday didn't really matter
to anyone but her

happy birthday to me

Handsome Face

Handsome face
you have such a handsome face
kindness and trueness
rest in the manly lines
high cheekbones
clear expressive eyes
perfect lips

perfect lips

handsome face
you have such a handsome face
I enjoy each and every smile
that comes when those
beautful eyes are
focused on me
savoring the smile as
a unique and rare a gift
a hesitant and precious expression
an inquisitive and perfect
discovery
into what you might possibly be thinking
or what emotion I might invoke
a mirror of exactly
how I feel.
Is that possible?

handsome face
you have such a handsome face
and I struggle not to
run my finger along your cheek or
plant my lips softly
on your forehead
trace the path of your lips with my tongue
gently line your narrow cheeks with
light kisses
staring at your
handsome face

you have such a handsome face

What You Get

Despite the arguing
followed by never ending silence
the intense pain
followed by grueling neglect

Despite the illogical conclusions
and presumed actions of guilt
ridiculous insinuations and
simple miscalculations

I adored you

You had me
completely
although you will never really
know what that means

Not now.
Not when the most intimate of me
is tucked away, hidden
searching for fulfillment
in future love
And you receive
what remains
what survived the tragedy
what continued to exist
after the departing
the devastation
the intense heartbreak

What you get now
is merely a shell
of what you had...

Telling the Truth

Telling the truth
would be admitting that you
enthrall me
satisfy me
overwhelm me
excite me

Telling the truth
would be releasing power
revealing weakness
placing trust in you
to not take advantage
not discover my weakness
and completely help yourself

Telling the truth
terrifies me
because sometimes the truth
is better left unsaid
the obvious, better left unspoken
the love, better left undiscovered

Telling the truth
in not an option
demonstrating my true feelings
can never happen
not if I want you to remain
interested in me

Dedicated

Dedicated to
the future of us
the future encounter
the unforeseen result
the anticipated explosion
the unique heartache
the impenetrable lust
overtaking us while we
look toward
some other date
some other definition
some other possibility

because the present
does not belong to us

Dedicated
to that future day
that awaited hour
that delicious minute
that finite moment
when the bonding shall ensue
when loving shall intertwine
and our every dream
shall come true

Yes

Yes
is all I can say
to you
to any request
uttered through
your perfect lips

Yes
again and
again and
again
your whispered suggestion
your clearly desired wish
yes, I will
yes, for you
if you want me to
yes

yes,
I will say your name
louder and louder
yes,
I will release and let go
is this
how you want it
how it should be
your knowing smile
causing my heart to bounce
my essence to ache
leaving me only one option
to simply say
yes