A Million Times

Yes. In my mind
I've kissed you
a million times
a million ways
holding your face
lightly between my hands
gingerly lavishing you
in the pureness of
sincere longing
I've done it
in my mind

Of course. In my mind
I've held you
a million times
a million ways
caressing away
concerns and fears
refitting and reforming me
into the
confidant and lover
you need me to be
I've done it
in my mind

Certainly. In my mind
I've made love to you
a million times
a million ways
allowing my heart to absorb
your pure energy
your fantastic power
swelling and exploding
the sensual essence into
a million fragments
a million beams
washing over us
sprinkling and tickling us
shining us golden
leaving us pure
making love again
a million times
a million ways

Hard To Love

It could be that I am just
hard to love
Maybe, all along
it's just been me
something inherently repugnant in my
presentation or visceral image
some spiritual flaw that radiates and
signals to others internal beacons
sending warning signals to
withdraw and retreat
remove and save themselves

It could be that I am
hard to love

Carrying so many bags and
empty memories strapped to my chest
fixed on my shoulders
pulling at me, tugging my thick frame
laughing and giggling
tormenting me
a gigantic monkey on my back

Like the silent
pink elephant in the room
that we try to ignore
The pain is there, and
as I try to release hurt
more memories strap themselves on
hurl at me out of
despair's pit
refusing to release me, free me
lighten my load, just leave me be

While I fight and struggle
pushing and clawing
tearing them from my very spirit
those that I love
stand too close and
catch an elbow
a blackened eye
a busted lip
a swollen jaw
caught in the cross blows between
me and my pain

It is easier to just walk away
to quit
to honestly waive that white flag
and surrender
accepting peace and
leaving me in the process

Cause I just may be
too hard to love.

My Secret

I got a secret and
I ain't telling
it's mine all mine
a sweet memory
for me

My secret
floats around the
sphere of my spirit
an invisible source
of joy and love

Naw,naw
I can't tell you my secret
won't reveal
what makes me tick
allows me to rise with a grin
and close my eyes
in anticipation

What a wonderful thing
a promise just for me
an idea ripe with peace
an experience open to pleasure
my place of comfort and freedom
a warm cozy blanket
secure and sure footing
my secret

Silver Lining

There is a silver lining
to this cloud
I have spotted it
although it is far, far
far beyond my reach

It's sight restores faith
refills my empty vessel
renews resolution to
forge ahead....

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Rejected Happiness

Proud to say
I've rejected happiness
that illusive tempter seducing me with
flexed arms and masculine carved back
offering whimsical pleasure in
intermittent bursts, but continuity
always outside my grasp

No more will I
participate in this salsa
grinding against happiness' hips
absorbing his unique power
anticipating full release but
suffering unfulfilled withdrawal

Uh uh. I don't need happiness...

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**

Peace Offering

Confused
I find myself
wanting you
although I am not
in the least bit
attracted to you

This is bizarre or
kinda ridiculous because
my desire to envelope you
is irrational at best,
illogical and inexplicable....

**The remainder of this poem, and all other poems for October, are available in Discover Kai Poetry Intimate Musings, or contact a.Kai at discoverkai@hotmail.com for copies or permission to use. If you don't receive a response to email within 2 days, please resend. Thanks**