If Only

If only I could
let go and release
turn myself out
completely
allow my mind to
absorb all the possibilities
become agile and flexible
willing and yearning
for new experiences

If only I could
shut the door on
past mistakes and
create an eraser to
wipe memories away
pretend I didn't trip
hadn't fallen
laid splayed out on my back
for all to see

If only I could
recreate me
add in more courage
sprinkle in a bit of strength
a dose of forgiveness
a little bit of faith
belief that my
root won't eventually rot and
my cornerstone will not crack

If only I could
be sure
force myself to believe that
my foundation will not
eventually crumble

If only