Any Purpose?

Tryin my hardest
not to hate you
not despise what I've
grown to be
Not look at the damp
darkness on the fringe of my life
and question my purpose
the point of me

Its a weakness
to keep falling for this game
to want love, need it so desperately
that common sense simply floats away
and every veiled explanation
spoken through clenched teeth
accepted and tolerated
because
not quite the truth
isn't really actually a lie, right?

Hell naw, the truth lies
in your action
in your inherent disinterest
your unwillingness to be fazed
Not pressed about where I be or
who I am with
waving off obvious gestures to
gain your attention
solicit some response

Hugged all up against this one and
kissing that one lightly on the cheek
you barely blink
out til 3 am
cause i stopped by his place
to pick up your cd, i think
directly to the shower I go
from you not a question, not a response
life just rolls on
reality is, you don't give a damn
cause the home to your heart
does not reside in me

Leaving me to examine
A continuous scroll of
unidentifiable emotions
splattered against the black canvas
of this relationship, this life
and I can't help but
start to hate you
because I no longer understand
the natural reason of being me