Infinitely Forbidden

It is on the surface
so obvious and visible

I could easily fall in love with you
if I let me
But I don't
cause I can't
though I want to,
it is so forbidden

This life I live
is not my own
it has been given away
bartered and parcelled out
a peace offering
a cloth bandage
applied to reunite and
distilled as an eternal plea

But, oh how I want to let me go
relax and lay safely in your arms
feel the light press of your fingertips
against my skin
yield to your firm masculinity
beneath my palms

I could easily fall in love with you
if I let me
but I won't
cause I can't
and although I sincerely yearn to
it is infinitely forbidden

One Last Time

I had to talk
Yeah, I know I shouldn't have called
but the sound of your voice
soothes my anxiety
calms and relaxes me
dissipating my secret fears

Can you talk?
remind me, again
of how we used to be
by the simple longing
in your voice, and
the hesitation in your words
the kindness, gentleness
bestowed upon me
between each pause

Will you repeat your
whispered promises
before they are officially
null and void
just one mo' gain

Please

Tell me that I can
never be replaced
that your burn for me
has not been douse
and the spiritual itch
cannot be soothed

Don't you miss me?

I'm sorry,
but please
just talk to me
one last time

If You Let Me

I would gladly
decode your double speak
decipher your unspoken understanding
examine your intimate template of operation
create a solution to your
most complicated puzzle

If only you let me

Baby, I would take days
weeks and months
studying your mellow flow
clarifying your earthly logic and
determining what stimulates and inspires
ignites yearning and desire

But, only if you let me

If so, then I could
guide you into my secret space
lead you to my internal warm springs
gushing and overflowing
pulsing at the thought of you
I would allow you to
dip in a finger
your hand
submerge yourself in my waterfall
drench your body in the
liquid essence of my love

Trust me, I would definitely let you

A Tiny Kiss

A kiss seems so tiny
small, infinitesimal
in comparison to the
magnitude of infatuation
lust and the addition of
love

But a kiss can be
the sweetest thing
the purest expression
the unique touch connecting
soft and moist,
light and gentle,
firm and longing
passionate and dangerous.

The combination of united passions
are all contained in one kiss

I want to kiss you
if only just once
convey my deepest desire and
innermost hope by
just one kiss

Can I taste you
feel your softness against me
learn the warmth of you
your innermost cavern
searching and discovering
awakening your most unique
creative, sensual self

Can I kiss you?

Must Be a Groupie

I must be a groupie
it's the only explanation
here I am rolling eyes and smacking lips
judging others for the same lure
vicious trap, into which I fell

His abilities and talents hang before me
like splashes of life against the blank canvas
like that elongated carrot to a ravenous rabbit or
the sparkling diamond before an love starved woman

I've become transfixed
desiring my idea of him
lusting after my belief of him
wanting, no needing him to be
what I have conceived of

My perception reliant on
nothin more than
his talent

But he must be golden right?
How else could he have such a gift
possess such an inflamed skill
only someone special and sublime
could contain the supernatural within

Every view or rare experience
brings me closer to infatuation
with this person I don't even know
have no chance of meeting and
wouldn't know what to say or
even how to relate
if he did fall into my lap

Leaving me to be
a simple groupie
longing for this stranger
like pure spun gold

I Don't Understand Why

You've hurt me and
I don't understand why
can't place what has changed
what small shift in our
interaction
caused the seismic reaction that
has now taken place

You linger
trying to see whether I
am watching, noting
aware that you
are phasing me out
changing focus

Did you just
lose interest?

I don't get it
but you aren't the first.
Although you seem to be oblivious
I can tell you are in tune
still observing, still examining

Do you need to watch the
withdrawal of my addiction?

Trust me, you are not the first.

Light flirting and casual conversation
develop into
intimate confessions and hidden secrets
revealed, exposed, entrusted while
staring into eyes
and we click, I can feel it
a kindred spirit,a similar soul
My blessed exhale

Then, invariably, undoubtedly
he separates, moves away
changes course and withdraws his heart
his attention, his friendship
and I am left stuck,
confused
wondering what I did wrong
once again

Now I am hurt
I let you in
only to walk away with
another small piece of me
of hope, of love
of the idea of intimate relationship.

You've made a choice
to remove yourself and
I don't understand why.

Small Sacrifice

Yes, babygirl,
I live clean for you
for my seed
I pray your future will be
harm free
danger minimized and
exposure removed

I hope the fiery protectors
cover you in all things
protect and keep you
slaying your enemy before your feet

I cannot risk you and yours
continuing to pay for the actions of
me and mine
suffering down to the fourth generation
simply because I
strayed from the straight and narrow

You must be released from
the generational curses that
ravage our family
alcoholism and drug addiction
incarcerated or mentally enslaved
depression and isolation
abuse in so many forms
those must fall to the wayside

Therefore, I tuck away
mischievious intent, wandering eye
adulterous manuevers and
underworld activities

A promise was made
and I agreed to stand in the gap
sacrificing my here and now
for your soon to come
determining to live clean
to assure you bounty and blessings

baby girl, don't you know
it is but a small sacrifice
for you

Addicted

It overcame me
swept through me
hovered over me
dominated and controlled
all thought
a single controlling urge
rested in the pit of my belly
the base of my spine
along my fingertips
on the back of my thighs

Constricted, I became afraid to move
to turn, to let go
afraid a moan might escape
a sigh might seep through
my body might shudder for all to see

Oh, necessito evito, por favor
some type of release, now
my mind has tuned in
to your singular vibration
my body is committed to
riding into completion
exhilaration
but I can't
not here, not now
but I really don't care
the place is no longer relevant
no setting is improper

From just your image, shadow
profile
a secretly whispered promise
a remembrance of yesterday's
expression of ecstasy
I am lost in pleasure
melting into a puddle
obligated and committed to you
addicted to your identifiable mix

Crack the Shell

Leaving would be cool and easy
this lifestyle didn't quite fit
too snug around the chest
his nonchalant demeanor
assured me that
only his physical had been extended
anyway
so my departure would not cause
any real trail of tears
His constant coolness would
make the departing easy, necessary
since it was the determining factor
that made my situation feel
precarious, at best

But he freaked out
when my foot crossed the threshold
crying and pleading
opening a dam of emotion
previously unseen
demanding an explanation
a reason for leaving

Stumped, I thought the
reason self explanatory
at best
who could remain without
clear definition
appreciation, or acknowledgement
some idea of whether my existence
even mattered at all to him
when we weren't physically combined

But I stayed because
his silence and coolness
were sexy and alluring
and I had the unique ability to
pull him out
bring him into my mix
crack through his shell and
hear soul secrets and lustful utterings
in the midst
making our union just
that much more special

Completely Lost in You

So this is what it feels like
to be lost in someone

immediately after the most intimate
the glow fresh and strong
breath ragged and heavy
mind spinning and lost
blank to every thing but
the five senses
all peaked, enhanced
responding to extra attention
deliberate effort from
brotha willing to put the time in
for the exquisite unique outcome
releasing the body's special gifts
blossoming and blooming in
response to just a look
a breath
a caress
a whisper

So this is what it feels like
to want to consume
inhale every exhale
breathe in your very person
lips barely an inch apart
an eternal perpetual kiss by just
the slightest move
insatiable, spent and worn but
ravenous for you
need another taste
another touch
another promise
another lingering breathe
another light hold
another physical intertwine
to once again recapture
the moments, the seconds
the dizzied mind and the tingling vibe
the moaning breaths and the guttural sighs
yielding and succumbing to this
intense call, pounding desire
the remarkable answer to my innermost questions

wondering how I got along and
what life was before you and
curious what life will be like after you
if there is an after, if I can let go
release, maintain my distance and
play it cool, unconcerned, even disinterested
anything to keep you wanting me
any game to keep your eye in my direction
your imprint has wrapped itself around my very core
you must remain in my realm
despite my efforts to remain single
you have opened that window
slid through the door

Now, I am open

So this is what it feels like
to be completely lost
in you

You Have Life's Love

I love you for
unconditional love
patience
inconceivable understanding

It is unrelenting,
your positivity and
unbreakable faith
planting seeds of
peace and joy
mercy and goodness

I love you for
unbending and unyielding
fulfilling but not suffocating
concentrated, but not slickly thick

You have life's love,
despite it all
dream's love
in spite of it all
God's love
distributed through our union
bearing and absorbing
it all

Your Soft Hand

Time has surrounded me
encumbered me
binding and strapping me
restricting my reach to memories

I cannot bring back the past
Oh, how I want to,
just to experience as
many of those moments of you
as I can

I am bound to the magnetic tunnel of time
unable to crack it
forward motion never stopping, never releasing me
I cannot get extra
cannot stretch out this second, moment, minute
see?
it is already gone

I just want to see her again.
Just one more time
hear the tinkling laugh
the gentle voice
hold the soft hand that felt like
the bottom of a newborns foot
The hands that would place me in her lap,
rub my back, pray over me and
cover me with love
God inspired protection

Annie Ophelia
I miss you, but I understand
you have been released and
the pain is finally gone

But every now and then, in my dreams
I am that little girl again
in endless love with
her beautiful grandmother
holding onto your soft, soft hand....

Do You Trust Me

You possess an inner beauty
pure and untouched
crisp and crystal clear
like the blue burn of a
new flame

I've tried to reach it
but it's inaccessible
sealed away beneath
folds of pain and shards of shrapnel
buried between layers of callousness

Why? For protection or because of fear?
Are you scared that the surreal and virginal
will be weakened, watermarked
become the missing scale in your hide
the exposed underbelly of your shell

Can I see in
stare past your golden eyes
into your wonderful inner being
pure like the white light
at the center of the sun

Do you trust me enough?

Where You Wanna Be

You still don't know, do you
Still don't have an answer for me?
It's not clear to you, yet
that I am where you wanna be?

I just don't understand anymore,
what else do I need to do,
who else do you want me to be?
Weren't you the one that said
I'm every woman?

Well, what now?
As your infatuation fades,
so does my worth, my appeal
my value

Before you couldn't be without me
had to smell me, touch me
rub secret places and kiss naughty areas
in private, in public
insatiable urges that only
I could cure

Now, your eyes wonder at
every honey that walks past
You haven't touched me in months
my taste no longer satisfies

I get it.
It's finally clicking
I am forcing something, that is no longer there
holding on to a dream, image, pure mirage
I wanted to be your everything
but am no longer anything to you
used up and over cultivated
leaving me barren and dry

Or so you think.
But my riches and oils are bountiful
plentiful
plush, thick and luscious
my scent will attract another
my mind will reel him in
I have no doubt that
my ability to love will rebound
resurface and replenish itself

So your right,
I think.
You need to just move on.

Love's Lure

Got to wonder what
real love is
Can I have some?
A taste, a drop
Just a thick dribble

Can I stick out my tongue to capture
love's raindrop, heavy and golden
rolling against my cheek and
transforming into liquid purity and sincerity
tumbling lightly down my throat
infecting the very core of me

I want to strip down and
roll completely in it
dive and swim deeply
within it
navigate through its
lush paths and thick jungles
struggle up its cold snowy peaks

Maybe, I can become so saturated
satiated and drenched by love
that it will air dry on moist skin
lingering to every DNA strand
radiating loves sweet scent
teasing
calling and luring
drawing you in like
sweet honey to a beautiful bee

Life is Love

I almost caved in
fell for it
absorbed and succumbed to it

The irrational anger that
swept through my inner chamber
blood boiling the internal river
blame forming a ball of slick resistance
lodging itself at the back of my neck

Foulness spewed forth
hacking and hurling
thick and uncomfortable
blocking my breath and
snuffing out my inner joy

"This life is useless"

Huh? The thought escaped the
sealed inner chamber, sliding through the
cracked door where depression and post partum
misery, painful memory and self doubt had been
neatly tucked away, shut in
sealed and locked

The thought jolted me back to reality
the whispered lie snatched me from misery's slumber
I jumped up and away from self pity's grasp
slamming shut the vault of regret and
bolting it with reinforced steel

Then I released that dreaded lie, removed it from my spirit
I'm not falling for
hate's seductive grind
my life is love
for which I am grateful

Discover Kai

I am flowing
bursting
stretching the seams and
entering a new frontier
a space renewed and a
genuine self acceptance.
Releasing rejection, pain
dismay and despair

I am discovering me

Defining me
reaching deep within to
scoop out handfuls of
intimate thoughts and
spiritual beliefs

Do you see me? Finally?
Past the plain exterior,
muted down and taking cover
hiding to heal and
oblivious, to belong

Now, you can find me
accepting intelligence from a
different package
want and desire from a
different wrapping
determination via a
new and improved process

Are you interested?
Do you want to learn me,
Can't you, won't you
take the time to
Discover Kai?

Unity's Fruit

On my mind tonite
is amazement that I
ever doubted my commitment
and complete devotion
to this thing here

Why would I?

The world's offerings are
bittersweet and unsubstantial
vapor and transparent

I demanded the idea
from you
respect and trust
time and patience
how could I be willing to
settle for second best from
so many other potential candidates

Absolutely not.

I will not make a fool of love
will not make a mockery of faith
You believed, and therefore returned
I believed, and grasped onto purity

Our lives will sing a testimony
of possible impossibility and
supernatural dominion

There is a reward for
this determined commitment
acknowledgement of our continuous sacrifice
Our seed will eventually sprout
to bare witness to
unity's fruit

The Other Woman

You wonder whether I am serious
doubting my intent
this ruthless inclination
the revengeful desire to destroy
what I cannot have

Sleeping on me would
be your fatal flaw
underestimating the seething rage
that swept through my being
erasing all rationale and calm
eradicating logic and reason

You think I won't shatter that thin shell
shaping and forming your world
expose your flawed spirit and selfish self

Yeah, I'll let her know that
every taste of you has a
lingering residue of me and
every technique you ever taught was
learned in my secret sanctuary

You want to back me into a corner with
ultimatums of loyalty and silence
coupled with monogamy or else
in exchange for lifestyle maintenance and
random rendezvous, offering up bits of you
cause I can't have the whole

My refusal sparks your goodbye after
my morals have been compromised
self esteem demolished and self worth measured
price tag attached, bartered and sold

Trust me, if you walk through that door
I have no problem
Making that call.

72 hours

Sit still.
No, please, don't speak
It's all about you tonite
tomorrow
this weekend

I already did the shopping
stocked up the shelves so
there is no need to surface,
exit, depart from our world
assimilate or emerge
for the next three days

I think that's just enough time
My plan? Don't worry
I can keep you entertained
sure I will keep your mind stimulated
your entire being engaged

Trust me, I got you!
All I want is to restore and affirm you
make sure this
message of love is
clear, pin pointed and focused
directly at your heart

So lie down,
hmmm, no stop,
keep your hands to yourself
for now, anyway

Just lay back and
open your mind to
the possibility of
recurring unconditional love
saturating your head and
fulfilling the physical
over the next 72 hours

Oh, now you get it.
Yeah, I thought you'd like that.

Mr. Mann

Mr. Mann, I need you to listen
hear me
without comment or judgment cause
I am enraptured by your
bountiful, beautiful
luscious back

It can't be wrong,
to stare at and admire,
dream of and desire
long to touch
need to grasp
imagine the cushion of it
in my hands

My mind's eye has
already stripped you
trust me, I already know
can figure out the
texture and tone
smooth and grooves
how to touch and
fully enjoy so

Come on,
don't be shy about it
let's just dismiss pretense and
deal on the real.
Take it off
All of it. Right here right now
There is nothin but you and I
opportunity to touch and enjoy
taste and feel,
observe and admire the
beauty of much back

Stimulated

With simple communication
and good spirit vibe
I am addicted to the

sound of your voice
filtered understanding flowing
through warm and smooth
silky and textured

Directly mentally stimulating
connecting me to worlds unknown
and desires previously unfelt
by the simple touch of your hand

Making my physical response
to your mental stimulations
throbbing pounds and quick breaths
tongue tied

my body warms at the
mere mention of you
causing me to
clench thighs and
bite lips
regulate my mental to
clear sensual thoughts and
dispel the mounting tension
friction, anticipation
implosion, discovery
of the image created by
you and I

Latino Lovers

I watched them from afar
observed them without envy
jealous free, at first anyway

She leaned against him
head snug in the crook of his neck
arms and torso hidden
protected within the shell of his body

He closed his eyes
enjoying her warmth
lost in the imminent promise of
her open love

When she finally shifted aside
he observed his woman
with open but squinted eyes
lust and desire pouring forth
heat flushed on his very surface

He murmured tempting promises
to his bonita senorita
the clear intent melodic
in Latino language of love
to stimulate and arouse
prepare her mind for the
bodies future experiences

I watched
recalling all the Latino men prior that
I spotted holding hands and wrapping arms
touching gently and rubbing caressingly

in public

affirming her beauty
ascending her intimacy
confirming her sensuousness
laying claim to her person

I watched longingly.

Maintain the Status Quo

There is so much to lose and
so little to gain
but my attraction to you
is intoxicating, stimulating
insatiable and mind boggling

Will you, talk to me
whisper softly
say my name and
mutter that code
the secret words
unlocking the safe
breaking open inhibitions
pouring the wave only in response to you
can you do that, for me....

No.

You came to your senses first
while my head bobbed in and out of
this tide of sensual confusion
yours returned to sanity,
clear and focused

Knew that both our lives
had already inexplicably changed,
just by the meeting, and
forward motion was actually unnecessary
to fulfill the magnetic energetic explosion
already experienced

Your departure rescued my life
maintained my status quo
but deflated me
knowledge that my mental, physical, emotional partner
only spiritual soulmate
had disappeared,
even if for my own good

I accept your leaving
comprehend the scope, magnitude
fundamental sacrifice of your decision
Now, I love you even more.

The Waking

You woke something up
in me
a simple conversation and
a light game of
black folk geography
determined our similar paths,
goals and dreams

You stimulated me
enthralled and enchanted this
imagination
The idea of you
so smooth
ambition so clear and pure

I wanted you
needed to know you, connect with you
drink in this new experience
feel my heart swell and
my mind spin

I longed for your presence
your essence
clung to the idea and the perfect beauty
of you

Court Ordered Visit

I had successfully avoided him
all weekend
court ordered visitations causing
fear to streak through my heart whenever
he entered the room or
his voice carried through walls
praying that he just continued
to ignore me

Or maybe he was sincerely oblivious
to my existence
I don't know
but I found comfort in
anonymity
hiding in my cousin's room or
following behind her brother's friends
playing in the yard and
running the streets

going to ghetto house parties
in cramped government quarters
sipping wine coolers and
giggling at boys
so safe with others

But he remembered

Called my name as I left the bathroom
I walked slowly up attic stairs
timid steps, eyes closed
praying for protection

He laid in the middle
of his king size throne
naked women on either side
one under sheets
other sitting on edge

"Take a hit"
he pointed at naked ho
offering peace pipe
My twelve year old nails
dug into palms
what would he do
when I said no

I shook head
instinctively took a step back
"You might as well learn now"
he pressed, smacking ho's ass
so she would bring the bong to me
"Take a hit"

"No, daddy, no."

I fled, hiding in cousin's room
tears pouring as she hugged me
wondering why, why
this always had to happen
when would the judge
stop forcing me into this situation and
why oh why
had God allowed me
to be born to this.

For the First Time

For the first time
in a long time
I sat back and observed
without speaking, judging, inputing
Actually analyzed my surroundings
compared wordly chaos to
peaceful home

For the first time
in a long time
I remember the honor
in purity; in oneness
in uniting only with the
preordained soul mate
designed just for me

For the first time
in a long time
I realized how blessed I have been
by supernatural interference
destroying attempted deception and
reuniting destructive separation

For the first time
in a long time
I really thought about
your decisions and sacrifices
considerations and thoughtfulness
Truly
Soul remembrances of kind spirit
and for real love
uniquely doled out and
stored in the reservoir
just for me

For the first time
in a long time
I thanked God
for you.

Uncorrupted

What makes you different
from all the others
why hasn't the game
sucked you in
hypnotized and corrupted you?

Tell me
doesn't the thrill
of the chase
prize of the conquered
compel and stir you

How have you become so focused
on the family life
when others all around have
given up hoe
thrown up hands and
sighed in disgust
disappointed with
unattainable missions and
faint dreams

You know what,
I am thankful for cleanness
I cherish it, your temple not defiled
by the multitudes
no hidden agenda or moral disruptions
your surface smooth and certain

Copyright 2006 at Discover Kai

Simply Put

Simply put,
you are

life and love
heaven and earth
yen and yan
sun and sky
moon and stars
peace and war
beginning and end
joy and love
pain and hurt
temporary and forever
right and wrong
long and short
wet and dry
wide and narrow
future and past
life and death.

Kindness' Return

Always surprised when someone
identifies kindness in me
the lingering spirit that
I covered and swallowed
tucked away then completely removed
Later, worked so hard to retrieve
but am now receiving punishment
for rejecting

I chose to mask
all signs of godly deposits
hide and seek to destroy
evidence of sweet spirit
with all my might
so I could hang
qualify and identify with
the urban chaos

Maybe I made the wrong choice

Exposed soul turned hard,
cold and calloused
imitating ghetto hard to
protect from pain of attack

But I have escaped
free to search and restore
my gifts
repossess them, although some were
abused and abandoned

Kindness retreated, scared and hurt
she hid in the shadows
her very nature
distorted by my cruelty

Slowly, slowly she lets me in
allows me to exist within her for a spell
tests my waters to ascertain my loyalty
am I true, trustworthy?

Kindness is slowly allowing
rebirth and mended ties
to surge through me, touch others and
uplift the Kingdom

I am thankful she is here and
blessed that you identified her
within me

Your Enhancement

Can you stay
for a little while
I'm not quite ready
to be alone
not yet

Normally, my alone time
is not lonely time
but, your space has enriched me
brightened me
added music to silence
light to dimness
color to drab
taste to bland

Now I am senstive to
new arousals and enrichment and
concerned about the
return to plain
sad at the thought of reentry
now it seems so
lonely
returning to dry and brittle after inhaling your
moist and luxurious

So please, please
stay with me
just a little while
maybe then I can release you
and the enhancement you possess

Necessary Gentleness

Do you remember
the gentleness we shared
pure adoration and
sweet desire

Shared laughter
Similar desires
Unfaded hope and belief
the future just a
vast, neverending plane
of possibility
opportunity
riches and comfort in our dreams

We dreamed together
or, at least, I thought so
First your talent
then mine
but life swooped in
and survival became crucial
just me and you
against the world
sounds romantic but
in actuality its
a lonely, hard place for us
both to be

Lets take time out
separate carelessness
end cruelty and
remember past love,
past gentleness

My Secret

I got a secret and
I ain't telling
it's mine all mine
a sweet memory
for me

My secret
floats around the
sphere of my spirit
an invisible source
of joy and love

Naw,naw
I can't tell you my secret
won't reveal
what makes me tick
allows me to rise with a grin
and close my eyes
in anticipation

What a wonderful thing
a promise just for me
an idea ripe with peace
an experience open to pleasure
my place of comfort and freedom
a warm cozy blanket
secure and sure footing
my secret

Rescue Me

I'm drowning
resentment has liquified
loosened, dripping into my lungs
filling my chest with
thick oily regret
covering me
suspending me in this
pool of anger

I'm worried, scared
Cause I'm silently suffocating
quietly relenting to the
ebb and flow of life and its
blatant disregard
for me

I'm here
didn't want to put you
in an awkward space
but you alone can
renew me
relieve me
release me
if only temporarily
will you be my reed that
breaks through the glassy surface
my straw of breath
a private life line
just for today
tonite
right now
can you rescue me?