Hard To Love

It could be that I am just
hard to love
Maybe, all along
it's just been me
something inherently repugnant in my
presentation or visceral image
some spiritual flaw that radiates and
signals to others internal beacons
sending warning signals to
withdraw and retreat
remove and save themselves

It could be that I am
hard to love

Carrying so many bags and
empty memories strapped to my chest
fixed on my shoulders
pulling at me, tugging my thick frame
laughing and giggling
tormenting me
a gigantic monkey on my back

Like the silent
pink elephant in the room
that we try to ignore
The pain is there, and
as I try to release hurt
more memories strap themselves on
hurl at me out of
despair's pit
refusing to release me, free me
lighten my load, just leave me be

While I fight and struggle
pushing and clawing
tearing them from my very spirit
those that I love
stand too close and
catch an elbow
a blackened eye
a busted lip
a swollen jaw
caught in the cross blows between
me and my pain

It is easier to just walk away
to quit
to honestly waive that white flag
and surrender
accepting peace and
leaving me in the process

Cause I just may be
too hard to love.