The Loyal

There is something different
some part of me that
you knew existed, but ignored
until I gave it voice and
handed over access and pass

You accepted entry
hesitantly confirming the me
you suspected all along
stumbling around me, now
casual, but forced awkward

I can feel it a
tense static a
hesitant air, you won't discuss it
won't entertain it
won't acknowledge it and
vibe with me, like its just not there

But I know, now
for the first time
I finally figured it out
and you know that I know
but there is nothing either of us
would ever dare do
or say

How long have you loved me?

When did it happen
a forever simmering connection
or a sudden onslaught of
unconfrontable emotion
When did they all have to
measure up to me
never quite matching your mental perception
which filters out all my flows and
creates for any woman
an unattainable standard

When did you decide that
a lifetime of this was
better than
nothing at all
relinquishing pursuit of them
always right by my side
loyal to a fault
pure adoration in your every delicate handling
of me

How long have I dismissed it, confused it
clouded in a mask of friendship
sharing stories of love and lust
causing you unbearable pain
hidden in your determination to
be my foundation

The realization came with validation
clarifying one other certainty

I love you too