I'm Releasing

I'm releasin you
movin on
checkin the time wasted
shaking my head in shame
but no more looking back
dismissing you and all
this pain

I'm releasin this
drama filled existence
while you play house
and run ragged
trying to spread your seed and
sow wild oats
bringing home other's
physical remnants and
spiritual residue
leaving me feeling filthy,
unloved
at the very touch of you

Naw, I'm releasing this,
this magnetic thing
this animal attraction
so simply mistermed love
got me stuck in an emotional rut
a bottomless pit
while lust disguises itself
hides the price of my soul
bartered out in pieces for
the mere association to you

Yeah, I'm releasing this
steppin forward into the sun
dusting off the coat of neglect
brushing away the lint of rejection
recognizing that my life has meaning
despite my flaws there lies an inner beauty
an eternal pureness and
desire for oneness
and my search will continue while I
rebuild my center
reconstruct my very core
pushing forward, eyes locked upward
finally realizing a future
leaving you and all your dirty
in the dark folds
of my past...

Only A Dream

How can a dream
feel so real
a touch still make the spine tingle
a word still raise possibilities of love
heart rate increasing and
inhaled breath suddenly gone shallow
a giggle a
promised word
an emotion to seal the deal
make this coupling whole
the pairing real

Just a dream?

Laying on one side
disappointment flowing
rushing, spreading through
this being like
venom in the blood
so close, so near
I never realized I liked him
wanted him
had any feeling at all toward him
yet, the mirage felt so real
his smile a broad oasis
his touch a secret delight
as I cleared the table he
touched the back of my knee
smiled at my sudden reaction
announced his want
only for me

nestled so deeply in the
comfort of the mind
I believed and succumbed
thrilled at the excitement of
new love
again

Until light pours across my eyes
and ears absorb daily household chaos
mind clears and relinquishes
sleepy mist and unspoken, embedded longings

I swallow disappointment
reality creeping into remembrance and
bringing realization that
it was merely a dream

Overload

Does the desire
pour from me like an
open river
spraying lightly against your cheek
lapping lazily onto your banks

You approach so easily
so sure and confident
cupping your hands and
dipping gently into the
fullness of me
holding my essence within
your wide palms
letting it slowly escape
trickling along your fingers
around your wrists
down the masculine swell of your
wonderful arms

I must be bursting
obvious and full
my scent must be alluring
overwhelming
uniquely lustful and wanting
the subtle fulfillment of you

You knew rejection was not an option
whether forbidden or not
You were confident that the whole of me
would simply be handed to you
A whispered word
a light touch
a misplaced kiss
landing with perfection
the steady pulse of you
the most simple and most perfect
overwhelming seduction

Your Everything

I wanna go back
to that night
pick up where I left off
remove that period and
insert a comma

I got scared

It was really that simple, that foolish
you laid it all out, bare and for real
I wasn't looking for a life time commitment
and you didn't offer it
we both were already tied up
forever mended and linked
to other souls

But your raw and pure offer
was all of you
for that night, for that moment
the gaping whole from your love life
begging for me to pour in and fill
What more could I ask
what more could I want

So in the awkward silent pause
i looked into your eyes
and saw an innocence that
I could fall in love with
a gentleness that I could
cradle my soul against
a purity that I could
rest my spirit in

and I got scared

Can I have that night back
that moment, that infinitesimal
minuscule fraction of a second
when the universe existed
in your eyes and
your eyes absorbed only me
and, my reflection framed so lovingly
longingly
changing the play into
ever binding fulfillment
for that moment it was clear
I could have been your everything

Unique Memory

Your name escaped my
sealed inner vault
sliding past barely parted lips
as the memories unfolded
clear against my closed eyes

Your touch found
every imaginable zone
every single point
pressing until I was raw
exhausted but overstimulated
tingling
a light breeze over the
super sensitive
causing waves of passion to
rain down over me
cling to my skin like cool morning dew
staining my person
leaving your indelible mark
invisible radiation
glowing through

Then you stopped
watched my eruption
mumbling words of love, lust
promotion and encouragement
releasing flood gates and
tearing down impenetrable dams

I want you, again
need to physically reminisce on
every single detail
highlight the most expressive and
reenact the most intimate
take you up on your promises
indulge myself in your pampered expertise
allow you a permanent marking
in my mind

The Loyal

There is something different
some part of me that
you knew existed, but ignored
until I gave it voice and
handed over access and pass

You accepted entry
hesitantly confirming the me
you suspected all along
stumbling around me, now
casual, but forced awkward

I can feel it a
tense static a
hesitant air, you won't discuss it
won't entertain it
won't acknowledge it and
vibe with me, like its just not there

But I know, now
for the first time
I finally figured it out
and you know that I know
but there is nothing either of us
would ever dare do
or say

How long have you loved me?

When did it happen
a forever simmering connection
or a sudden onslaught of
unconfrontable emotion
When did they all have to
measure up to me
never quite matching your mental perception
which filters out all my flows and
creates for any woman
an unattainable standard

When did you decide that
a lifetime of this was
better than
nothing at all
relinquishing pursuit of them
always right by my side
loyal to a fault
pure adoration in your every delicate handling
of me

How long have I dismissed it, confused it
clouded in a mask of friendship
sharing stories of love and lust
causing you unbearable pain
hidden in your determination to
be my foundation

The realization came with validation
clarifying one other certainty

I love you too

What You Do

Feather stroke,
down the ridge of the thigh
breathless whisper
against the lobe of the ear
subtle caress of satin
against the small of the back
sweet butterfly kisses
along the nape of the neck

strong finger tickles
on the balls of the foot
light teasing tastes
along the curve of the hip
lips sweetly planted
in the palm of the hand
head gently pressed
against the small of the belly

finger tips firmly planted
along the smoothness of the waist
oil lightly dropped
on the back of the knees
hands cupping
massaging the full woman bud
lean torso pressing
absorbing full submission

locked bodies, finally,
melting into one perfect grind

Oh, what you do...

Of Him, Of Me

The smoothness of him
caught me,
tore me up
shivering as the small hairs
rise and my external organ tingles
at his every touch
wanting to feel
every inch

The calmness of him
got me feenin
yearnin
striving to possess him
just a small part
for a small period

The manness of him
shook me
called to me, demanded my attention
desire creating its own island
a personal enclave
a small parameter to submerge in

The ebony cloak of him
covered me
laid bare against my skin
lightly touching, yet firmly holding
wrapped all around me
a luxurious blanket of wonderful him

The centered mass of him
reached deep, deep down into my depths
searching for the primal call
this signal to his basic essence
plunging and searching
finding him, swallowed in me

The beauty of him
relinquished me, released hatches
and opened invisible doors
pouring out the best
like velvet, thick and plush
requiring his eagerness to sink in
lose himself
dissolve into the unique wonder
of me

Had Something?

We had something
didn't we?
some unspoken agreement
some inexplicable understanding
Planning to bump into one another
daily
to fake surprise
easily tease and
harmlessly flirt
separate and keep it movin

although my mind replayed
the days encounter
a million more times

Never once was I disappointed
left astray
you always took the bait
always located just where I would be
and I always showed up where
you had no choice but to pass

So, why didn't we do anything
why didn't we press
Neither of us would have rejected the other
both of us already knew
burned and ached
for more
both of us already knew
we had something
both of us
chose to do
nothing

Your Smile

That smile
stopped my heart
still
voices blurred and
time slowed
unable to fight intense
magnetic draw
the invisible net
wrapped around me
tugging my closer
through that smile

Was I the only one
who felt it?
a wind tunnel
a private lane
a narrow partition
dividing me from them and
you from him
verified by a modest glance that
always sealed
blended our vision into one
creating that
perfect smile

You never looked away
although I didn't notice
then
I always quickly inhaled
blushed, as much as a brown girl can
tearing my eyes away
trying so hard to regroup
to compose, never noticing
that my mouth automatically curved
dimpled in my cheeks
baring a sliver of white
carrying my high for the next
several minutes
my natural response
to your perfect smile

His Girl

As usual, you completely missed the point
which is why your still bragging
that I used to be your girl, not realizing
the very term implies that
I walked away, gave up all attempts
and shut down that defunct operation

I used to be yours
in every way
younger and more innocent
I gave you open access to
every intimate part

But you were, and still are, so focused
on what he thinks and what she says
on how it appears to the masses
instead of investing in the for real

Your insecurities became annoying and aggravating
driving me insane
while you worried about them
he took care of me
paid attention to me
thought of me and
lost himself in me

So when did you notice I had left?
once I was already on his arm
walking past you, making sure to
look the other way
avoid all eye contact
insure that you have no reason to doubt
that he is completely with me
and my mind is on no other,
just him

Of course, he knows about you
the careless one
so clueless
so consumed with appearance
trading substance for macho imagery
But unlike you, my man is not worried
about your used to haves and your
intimate memories

He is too busy
developing a deeper level of lust
satisfying my insatiable cravings of desire
studying, with care and detail
researching my response to his every caress
creating new loves and new dreams with me

Believe me,
I am keeping him entirely occupied
way too busy to care about
who or what
you used to have

Little Miss Polite

Why is your phone ringing at 3 am
the morning of your planned departure
the trip to meet your homeys at South Beach, right?
SO tell me, why is a female voice
ringing in my ear?
immediately answering the unasked question
identifying herself as an old friend
calling to find out whether you'd left

Hmm. Wake up. Now.
Here, speak to your girl
No, I am not going to play myself by acting undignified or
losing my composure
satisying the real hidden agenda of this
sinister scheming sista

When you hang up I will gladly
identify the game for you
explain how she purposely blew up your spot
lettin me know exactly what's up
in a passive aggressive attempt to lay claim

Then Ima simply leave it alone
rub your chest and kiss your neck whisper my desires and
rock you back to sleep
You don't owe me an explanation or an excuse, but
the writing is clearly on the wall
I won't fuss or pout, won't get in your way
Hope you enjoy your trip and your homeys and
the desperate chick that tried in vain

You'll be back cause
my body and soul are your home
But my calm and cool will play with your mind
creating irksome questions
Later, my silence will scream loudly in your head
in the midst of your party's organized confusion
and you won't help but wonder
what I'm doing, what secrets I've kept and
who might be filling your spot
while your away

On that, too, I will be silent and unresponsive
won't bother to calm you or affirm
your reign over my throne

So, for the root of doubt embedded in your psyche
sprouting uncertainty's buds and blossoms
for the loss of trust, loss of peace
for the unspoken probability of retaliation
that you now face
for that, you can thank little miss polite

Your Kiss

If you send it to me
I promise I will blow it back at you

move over, lean up and seal it
with another
clinging lightly
enjoying this, so slowly
eyes open, watching you
get lost in this
enjoying this
registering surprise that I
came to you
stood on tiptoes
leaned gently over and
reeled you in
inhaled you
tasting slightly
pressing longingly
exploring this cavern, causing
underground rivers to rise
and unseen fountains to splash

gently spraying me
tickling, teasing, you are
holding on tightly
so tight I better
release
come up for air
clear out this fog, remove thick haze
dismiss the drowning feeling of liquid life
poured onto me
by your kiss

Copyright 2007 Discover Kai
Originally Posted at Myspace

Lost In You

So this is what it feels like
to be lost in someone

immediately after the most intimate
the glow fresh and strong
breath ragged and heavy
mind spinning and lost
blank to every thing but
the five senses
all peaked, enhanced
responding to extra attention
deliberate effort from
brotha willing to put the time in
for the exquisite unique outcome
releasing the body's special gifts
blossoming and blooming in
response to just a look
a breath
a caress
a whisper

So this is what it feels like
to want to consume
inhale every exhale
breathe in your very person
lips barely an inch apart
an eternal perpetual kiss by just
the slightest move
insatiable, spent and worn but
ravenous for you
need another taste
another touch
another promise
another lingering breathe
another light hold
another physical intertwine
to once again recapture
the moments, the seconds
the dizzied mind and the tingling vibe
the moaning breaths and the guttural sighs
yielding and succumbing to this
intense call, pounding desire
the remarkable answer to my innermost questions

wondering how I got along and
what life was before you and
curious what life will be like after you
if there is an after, if I can let go
release, maintain my distance and
play it cool, unconcerned, even disinterested
anything to keep you wanting me
any game to keep your eye in my direction
your imprint has wrapped itself around my very core
you must remain in my realm
despite my efforts to remain single
you have opened that window
slid through the door

Now, I am open

So this is what it feels like
to be completely lost
in you

(*A requested repost - please enjoy*)

Played Yourself

Yeah, I followed you
I have no reason to lie
could tell by your mumbling and
double talkin
Your sudden shift in mood
that somethin was up

Knew it was on

I have been waiting,
noticed you cut it short,
concerned I had caught a whiff.
Thought you could wait me out, huh?
I guess
But don't you know a
woman scorned can never be outdone
out maneuvered
out schemed

For every patient day
I smiled and grinned
loved you down and backed you up
knowing you would fail, falter
thinking that you had this
sewed up, seamless

Yeah, it was only a matter of time
before you resumed your creep

Hell yeah, I followed you
so in the midst of this confusion
you bucking and ducking
her screaming and hiding
all hell breaking loose
you could see my face,
witness my calm
know that this was my game
and you, Mr. Mann
just got played....

So Fresh

So clean
light and airy

so fresh
firm but gentle

so clear
tongue loose and
words flowing

so strong
grasping firmly
holding tightly

so here
in this space
in my realm

so daring
enter this private space
claim it as your throne

so real
truth never minced and
lies never uttered

so masculine
set in the belief of self
revelling in the soul of manhood

Boldness

Maybe it was your boldness
that turned my head
changed the vibe from
playful and flirty to
speechless and excited

You removed all doubt
with one simple swoop
a hug became a slow grind
while I held on for dear life

So confused I tried to
detach, throw in a wrench
jack up your play so I could
resume some control
return to the cool mask of nonchalance

But your warm breath against
the curve of my ear
whispered adventures never before felt
and experiences never before thought of
making me crave you

Before you I was
parched, you were my
long, tall, smooth glass of cool water
sipping all of you to the last drop
finding myself
needing more, craving for just one more sip

Now I am longing, sweatin'
calling and harassing
plotting and planning to just get a little more
another taste, another whispered promise
But I'm also fighting this
trying to compose myself and pull it all
back in, but I must admit

your simple boldness has
turned me out

Stimulate You

Its unthinkable
all the time I have spent
imagining the different ways to
please you
stimulate you
encourage you to
enter my folds and
release yourself freely

Somewhat embarrassing how I
long for you, it simply can't be right
making the want so much deeper
the desire so much greater
the primal call so much louder

Can I take you there
with me
for only a little while
letting go and loosening up
placing my fingertips softy
against the smooth of your
perfect skin and
inhaling so slowly, deeply
filling my head with your natural scent
swooning from your
solid mass and
melting into center of you

In fact, you can just hold me
just like that
grip me, right there
listen to the smooth melodies of my passion
the rhythmic mix of my lust
sway and rock to this indescribable beat
a low, pounding, baseline of passion
playing loudly
to stimulate you

Life In The Bubble

The prettiest young lady
will never receive compliments
and encouragement is giving grudgingly
ridiculed behind her back
picked apart from head to toe
she is isolated, lonely
left out as punishment
for receipt of supernatural beauty
over which she had no control

The superstar talent
will never get real affirmation
friendship
a threat to his peers,
who envy the supernatural gift
without considering the hours of dedication
the never ending drive and desire
the commitment that most never apply
to their divine purpose of existence
rather, he will learn to hold all
at arms length
and seek the double meaning behind
the selfish manipulative intent of
every smile

The strikingly handsome boy
will always be the most lonely
girls assuming conceit in an attempt to
dismiss their own fear and insecurity
guys assigning labels of punkdom
any reason to test him
to mark him, scar him
hurt him and bring him back to
their reality

The phenomenally poised girl
will seem distant and discreet
simply because she is not loud and boisterous
and her gift of posterity will be
looked down upon
used as a weapon against her
because the common hate is
focused on her for
attempting to love herself and
display it in her very demeanor

How hard it must be
to live life in the bubble
placed there by others
watching normal interaction and play
trying to participate in it
hoping for an offer, a token of genuine acceptance
but always on the inside looking out
because of refusal to settle
to lessen themselves
to give in to peer pressure's demise

Stay Quiet

Please, don't talk
I think it's best since
your tongue has me confused.
I think the less I know
the better this feels
the more of you
I want, and
the more of me
you can certainly have

With no conversation and minimal interaction
I have already determined that
I am going to make love to you.

Period.

It really is that simple
This internal draught seeks to be quenched
only by you
Those eyes have me longing for more,
your solid frame calls to me,
my mental begging to caress such smooth skin and
lie underneath that light smile
creating realms of possibilities, miles of opportunities
all of which I want to experience,
feel, know, touch, taste
record in the depths of my heart

But, when you talk I feel deflated
disappointed, sometimes disgusted
your lack of ambition is unattractive and
your inability to move forward is so unsettling
the internal ache quietly soothes itself
no longer wanting to feel your cure
my whispered need completely drowned out
by the loud warning bell in my head

So, don't talk and
I won't listen
Instead I will focus on the heat of you
in your quiet I can hear the only beat I am seeking
the only sounds I am yearning
stretching you past preconceived limits
allowing my unlimited exploration
until you take over
and guide me into your oblivion

So, just stay here, in this space
and please stay quiet.

Envy's Child

What makes your lenses turn such an envious color rose
convincing you that my grass is greener
although you stood at the center of my fields
while they were brown and dry

How dare you have the audacity to judge me
roll your eyes and suck your teeth
behind my back
believing my current life
is some rare trophy
to which you are more entitled

You don't know my pain
can't being to comprehend my strife
haven't suffered my misfortune and
insanity has not caved in your
delicately constructed walls of cards
maiming you through parental tools

Yet, you envy me
judge the external nonsense you think you see
denounce and refute all evidence that
the Most High has bestowed peace upon me
restoration for years
of pain and torment

So, I laugh at your spite
relishing in His perfect resolution
thankful that He, at least
is completely true
and gave my spirit the follow revelation:
you are nothing more
than envy's child

Hate

You hate me.

Now I know it,
eventually I will revel in it and
at every opportunity, laugh at it

But right now, I am sad about it
facing clear understanding that
pure hate can never be formed
from love
can never exist within love
certainly cannot hide behind love
leading me to one clear truth

You never loved me at all.

Gold

That awkward moment arises
when no more words are left
and any further action from either of us
may cross the lines drawn in the sand
cross the self imposed borders
necessary to keep right from wrong
do good instead of evil
live clean instead of mired in filth

Leading us back to this moment

I don't want to say goodbye but
simply, I have nothing left
no part that I haven't given
I can't beg you again
won't continue to whine
can't express myself clearly because
words are simply inflated sounds
blocking my esophagus
swelling in my throat
threatening to choke out my life

So you will be brave and bold, huh?
put it out there, the concept of dissolution
a test to try my response
take the chance and determine whether
the reaction is worth the trouble
to efficiently destroy this bond

Why can't you see that
I am gold
pure and virginal
dull, just covered with loves dung
Take time to clean me
apply the polish, that coat of warmth that will
chip away the grime
give up the buffer of support that must
make this nugget shine

Please don't just melt me down
and reform me
mixing me into something unpure
no longer precious, no longer wanted
simply cheapened and then
ultimately discarded

Hard To Love

It could be that I am just
hard to love
Maybe, all along
it's just been me
something inherently repugnant in my
presentation or visceral image
some spiritual flaw that radiates and
signals to others internal beacons
sending warning signals to
withdraw and retreat
remove and save themselves

It could be that I am
hard to love

Carrying so many bags and
empty memories strapped to my chest
fixed on my shoulders
pulling at me, tugging my thick frame
laughing and giggling
tormenting me
a gigantic monkey on my back

Like the silent
pink elephant in the room
that we try to ignore
The pain is there, and
as I try to release hurt
more memories strap themselves on
hurl at me out of
despair's pit
refusing to release me, free me
lighten my load, just leave me be

While I fight and struggle
pushing and clawing
tearing them from my very spirit
those that I love
stand too close and
catch an elbow
a blackened eye
a busted lip
a swollen jaw
caught in the cross blows between
me and my pain

It is easier to just walk away
to quit
to honestly waive that white flag
and surrender
accepting peace and
leaving me in the process

Cause I just may be
too hard to love.