Figure Me Out

Despite hidden shyness
I wanted him
needed to know whether
I could have him
take him
make him mine

The constant flirting
driving me insane
my lack of nerve
inflating self anger
I had to pull it together, try it
rise to the challenge
see what would happen
determine where I really fit
in this game of girl and boy

Opportunity arose when
she and I stood side by side
inadvertently
"what you want?" he asked
pointing at the snack line
"a pretzel, I think" she muttered
"you" I said clearly
unblinking and unapologetic

He laughed, I smiled
but I wasn't playing.

She sputtered and reeled back
but knew that a physical challenge was
out of the question
the street in me
haven been proven many times before

"For real?"
the follow through so easy, came with a smile, a nod
he was down, ready for whatever
eyebrows raised, impressed at my boldness

"For real."
the answer slid easily
through my mouth
my own words
surprising me, inflating me
i took his hand and
never looked back

To this day
he remembers
the days, weeks, months
we spent together
lost in each other, learning each other

Then it ended
I forgot, while he told others
repeated the story
didn't realize I mattered to him until
folks I didn't know, knew me
approached me
cause I was his girl
cause I changed his world
his viewpoint on love
relationship
girlfriends

But me, I kept it all to myself
discovered something about me
about the woman in me
about the power in womanhood
its strength, and its selfish disregard
its delightfulness and its unsuspecting danger
I actually tossed away a friend
to get a taste of a man

Teenage discovery breeding adult regret
Men, I can kinda understand
but me, well
I'm still trying to figure me out