This Life of Mine

I need a new plan
a new strategy
for this life that I'm living
this plank that I'm walking

The people i love
knife me repeatedly
spit in my face
kick at my soul

and i excuse them
tiptoe around them
knowing that the fault is mine
because my existence is repugnant
my being, simply repulsive

But, unlovable though I feel
its no longer an excuse
no longer a viable option
to swallow the pain and press on
to forgive the unthinkable
to keep the peace

because pure love flows through me
manifests from me
creates something distinct
lovely and memorable within me
births creation and destiny
from me

Making me worth
at least a little something
deserving of
a little more
so I am claiming it
praying for it
seeking a better way
another option
a new plan
for this life of mine.