Nothing At All

He thought I was playing games
I see that now
Thought I wanted to have my cake
and devour it too
He saw my indecision
as manipulating
playing
teasing
designed to lure in more than one
engage with more than one
enjoy much more than one

But it wasn't

I didn't know where he stood
the signs floating past me
like fog in the wind and I
was afraid to let go
to try, to challenge
to believe in him
because
who believes in them?

I wasn't disingenuous
but thought my love was
too free, too open, so dangerous
so I reserved some piece of me
in the fun of it all
in the thrill of the chase

but when he found out
he seemed betrayed
and suddenly demanding all
he chose nothing at all.