What I See

Can I whisper in your ear
and tell you
that I love what I see
love who you are
love what you have become
and who you are going to be

Can my fingers trace a path
from your neck
across your chest
trace delight in the curve of you
press fire in the build of you
dance lightly in
anticipation of you

Can my lips gently taste
the unsuspecting surprise of you
the firm anticipation of you
trail a blaze across the
smooth terrain of you
land softly
in the private places of you

Can I whisper in your ear
and affirm your
wonderful maleness
such sincere unique masculinity
magnetizing and subtly confident
stealthy assured and unflinchingly firm

Can I whisper in your ear
I love what I see

I Need a Miracle

I need a miracle
again
praying for divine intervention
a spiritual fence, blockade
protection
something
anything
any sign that
You know I am here
that I mean something to You
that this life
this struggle
is all for something

and not just proof
that I am merely a fool
that I believe too easily
my trust is too gullible
need for love, just too open

please place me
upon miracles
remove mountains and
demolish barriers
please make a way
for me
please

i need a miracle

Complicated

Its gotten complicated
you
you have confused things
for me
clouded my very clear vision
changed my intense focus
like when someone beautiful
rolls past
and his manness seems to call to me
divert my eye destroy my attention
ruin my oblivious calmness

Its all so complicated
taken away peace
got me fidgeting, readjusting
scoping, planning and plotting
to simply be near you
to simply enjoy a glance of you
to simply indulge me in you

You
you destroyed my plan
ruined my pace
obliterated my me
filling my void
with all of you

You have made it so complicated

Miss You

Your voice
is a mere whisper in the wind
your hunger
the last burning ember
in the mountain of ashes
your eyes
a reflecting pool of emotions
rivers flow within each current
slightly changing the deep brown pool
of each pupil

Your voice
has become a mere whisper in the mind
each memory
a vivid telecast played throughout my dreams
but fading, slipping, evaporating
as the sun presses through eyelids
and consciousness returns
You memory
tugs at my soul
each little bit of you
that I can hold onto, remember
clear without distortion
is a cherished piece of
a never reached future
a never obtained oasis of love

Your voice
is a mere whisper in the wind
as time passes by
I can barely hear you...

Upset With Me

You are upset with me
I can tell
cuz you avoid me
and refuse to meet eyes

But I still want you
still long to learn you
still hope the intimate cave
of your chest
is mine and mine alone
I know you're upset
but we can work past that
be more than that
find fulfillment in something
simpler than that

Your upset with me
but I love you anyway
and I will work to make it right
to dry out the humidity of anger
until it is a mere thin powder
than I can easily blow away
while I whisper
sweet desire
in your ear and
linger at the base of your earlobe

You are upset with me
but, I know how to make you smile
see there
you can't contain it, huh

You are upset with me
but, admit it
you want me anyway

Caught

I saw it first
the flashing blue and red
my heart sank
I was dead wrong
and life as I knew it
would surely end

I hadn't done anything
not really
but if no action was equivalent
to encouragement
then I was guilty as sin

I sat still
through the cursing
sudden motion around me
as 2 male car mates discarded
tiny bags filled with
white powder substance and thin brown twigs
on the floor, next to my feet
placed the shiny black guns
on the floor, next to my home girls feet

stupid girls

about to catch a bid
disappear for a life time
invisible within the metal cage
for tryin to roll dirty
with simple drug dealers

I prayed
as the car pulled over
the uniform slowly approached
I lowered my head
closed my eyes
and prayed

Backup rolled up but
loud voice screamed through walkie talkies
187 a few blocks away, more important
they glared at us, figured us small time
hurled a few verbal threats
jumped in their cruisers and
pulled away

God had spared me
given me a second chance
at the life I should have been
tryin to achieve
I was off path, had lost focus
but in those few seconds
He revealed a glimpse of my future
it's inevitable nothingness
which changed me forever

Tired

Aren't you tired
of this merry go round
Is there really no growth
no change
are the maternal ties so strong
that every request to jump
leaves you beggin how high

I am tired
tired of longing for you to
focus on us, on this
on the priority that exists here
when distraction easily
causes our house of cards
to tumble

I am tired
tired of doling out advise and expense
to folks that haven't helped us one iota
who never tire in taking
never shame in gossiping
frankly, I am amazed that
they don't drown
in their own sour lake of hate

I am tired
tired of having to explain
being left defenseless while
you cave to backward ass logic and
judge me for refusing to agree

Trust me, I am tired.

Let Them Be

Do we make them strong
by protecting them, covering them
creating a magical world in which
no danger lies
no harm lurks
no struggle exists
no pain prevails

How do they build a shell
center their core
know when to protect themselves
and how to survive
learn how to operate
in this mangled world

Is it love when we
nurse coddle and kiss every minor scratch
refusing to let them run
so they don't accidentally fall
denying them the opportunity to socialize
so their precious feelings won't be hurt
monitoring and sifting through
acceptable playmates
so they won't lay eyes on
any of life's misfortune

How can it be love?
No, it is fear
Fear of the pain we have suffered
Fear that they will hurt
will know hunger
shiver in the cold and
be left wet from the rain

I love them, I protect them
but I will let them be
let them live
encourage them to taste life
to enjoy its gifts
savor its sweet nectar

yeah, they might have to
encounter life's pain
but they must know how to navigate it
to survive
cause, they can only experience
the magnificence of the sun
bath in its warmth, without burning in its strength
if they are unafraid
and leave the protection of this drab shelter
and step into it's brilliant rays

Pre Destiny

Its time
to be still
envelope me in silence
engulf me in quiet

Time to rest
recuperate
regenerate
let my body heal
let my spirit prepare

It is the calm
before the next storm
prior to the wild winds
of life
the chaos and bright lights
of the future
the hectic, frenetic energy
the all consuming, all demanding
never yielding expectations
the insurmountable, inhumane
unrealistic, but will be accomplished
expectations
that linger on my horizon

so I will be still
for this brief moment
deeply inhale
slowly exhale

feel the pressure seeping

from my mind
listen to the rhythm
of my heart

understand the destiny
of my life

The Graduation Gift

I requested the gift
six months in advance
hoping this time an exception
would be made
maybe this time I could actually
receive something I wanted

A gold bracelet
delicate chain connected to
a simple name plate
on which my five letters could fit perfectly

But we were at war and
she seemed to relish
any opportunity to turn the dagger
in the gaping wounds of her
only child

On graduation day
minutes before departure
she called me to her room
observing me coolly she
opened the jewelry case
watching my excitement shine through pain
she lifted it, placed it neatly on her wrist
and made me fasten it
then observed in evil satisfaction
as I read the five letters.
Her initials.

"I originally ordered it for you"
she said, "but decided you don't deserve it."
"Besides, don't you think my initals
look better anyway?"

Despite it all, this was the first time
that I hated her
but I swallowed it
like I swallowed all her other poison
for the sake of appearance
and no one ever knew
nor would they have believed me
anyway

Me and You

It's an empty space
just me and you

the thought makes me giddy
I giggle and
you pause
no, I am not laughing at you
or at this moment
or at the attempt

I am just aware
that there is an empty space
just me and you
and my mind is bending over backwards
to force my tongue to release words to
let you know it is alright

It is alright
to touch me
to hold me
to kiss me
to breathe me
to linger near
while I inhale you
gingerly taste you
run my fingers along
the masculine ridges of you
experiment and delight
in you

But the words escape me
so I grin, giggle
act silly and lose composure
glancing at this empty space
and me and you

Remember Me

What will it take
for you to remember me
to determine me special
unique
worthy of a separate space
in your memories

What should I do
for you to remember me
think on me fondly
feel your heart rate quicken
your adrenaline flow
an automatic reaction
a subconscious joy

Hope that when
you close your eyes
and remember this moment, this minute
this day, this event
you have recorded every second of it
my smile and my laughter
the sweet scent of us
the wonderful mix of us
the intense passion of us
the perfect joining of us

Hope that I leave you
with a piece of me
to carry in your memories
to tuck away and reminisce on
in the middle of the night
in the depths of the storm
at the peak of your trials

Hope that you remember me
that I was able to bestow upon you
the same effect
the same wonderful thrill
the same beautiful memory
that you have given me.

A Mother

I am a mother
Can you imagine that?
unbelievable

I still find myself amazed that
in His infinite wisdom
He chose me
looked upon me and smiled
decided to bless
with morsels of His light
that shine golden
spread brilliant
reflect lovely

I am a mother
so undeserving yet
so completely thankful
reaping joy in each accomplishment
mending my heart, strengthening my soul
trying to encourage
behind each and every disappointment

This love is indescribable
breathtaking and sincere
all consuming
I will give my life
my heart
my mind
my essence
my all
to mold these phenomenal spirits
into the unique vessels
they were destined to be

I am a mother

Ride This Wave

I could ride this wave
where ever it takes us
coast along this vibe
until we see where it lands

I can do the unthinkable
show you all of the imaginable
turn fantasy into reality
dreams into action
I could easily ride this wave

I want to
I want to surf along this energy
explore this ecstasy
introduce you to my discoveries
demonstrate to you
all that we could be

It doesn't have to be forever
no commitment necessary
no obligation intended
but it doesn't have to remain a dream
floating on the realm of impossibility

Your tension is clear
you match my unique energy
you fit my rare expression
now, you have my full attention
I want to learn your vibe
Let me ride this wave with you

Doomed

I knew I shouldn't be there
figured it out
when he first answered the door
and I stood at the screen
hoping he wouldn't open it
wouldn't draw me in

then he smiled
and i was doomed

I tried to play it off
act like it was a casual visit
as his father walked past and winked
a huge grin spreading across his face
eyeing me up and down
while his wife waved frantically
as they left for the movies
leaving us
alone

He was too much for me to handle
too experienced to fall for my games
gentle and kind
street hard and gangsta cred
masculine and confident
all the ingredients
for complete disaster
I couldn't resist
although I gave an honorable try
put up a valiant attempt
but the softness of his lips
and the gentleness of his arms
captured me
released my fears
inspired my imagination
and doomed me
to the intimate wonderfulness
of him

Move On

So tell me
how do I teach my girls
to move on
to tap into love
without tripping all over themselves
sip from the stream
without completely drowning in the river
swipe a tiny taste
without overloading the senses

love
I want them to have it
hope they experience
the pure shock of attraction
every time eyes lock
the shortness of breath and
racing of hearts
whenever he says their name
the wondrous envelope of protection
snuggled deep within his arms

but I pray
they won't pay the price
for love
with their lives
with their hearts
with their dreams
with their future
how do I teach them
to just move on....

Only Human

We are only human
its hard to remember sometime, huh
that every person you see
is covering, recovering
dealing and coping
surfing through pain and
looking for light

All of us

What affects you
may not bother me
so I look at your life
and scoff
cause your pain can't begin
to amount to mine

But the truth is
your pain
may be just too much
for you to bear
regardless of what I think
or how I live

That's why I try not to judge
gave it up a long time ago
cause what freaks me out
may not phase you at all
and what terrifies you
may just be the same ole thing for me

realizing we are all just human
trying to cope, deal
understand and bring closure
forgive and keep it movin
trying to function on a normal level
and fight through it
despite the pain

Baby Jordan

10 months of peace and calm

This special baby
residing in me
caused my spirit to
be still
turmoil to subside
he brought me
peace

It nestled into my essence
contaminated every fiber
consumed all ill will
confusion and mistrust

I had never experienced it before

Did not know that life could be quiet
that joy existed in each ray of sunlight
trickling through a sparkling window
Contentment presented itself in the
regularity of morning, noon and night
calm emerged as a blanket of safety and
cloak of security

This special baby

like the sprinkling of cool waters
in the midst of a fierce sun
and the calm lapping of lakes
against overflowing banks
Jordan,
my unique deliverer of peace

Simply Pathetic

I haven't thought about him
in the past 72 hours
realization hit me
when I opened my eyes
relief washed over me
cleansing me, momentarily
from my deepest personal fears

I do have some pride
after all
A little dignity
some self respect

Allowing me to shut down
cognizant brain filters
blocking thoughts about
someone who
barely knows me
and couldn't possibly be thinking
about me

Pathetic

Simply pathetic
triumph slowly ebbing into defeat
remembering that my eyes opened
when the subconscious
brought him to me anyway,
seeped past my mental blocks
invaded my sleep
and he was still the
first thing on my mind
this morning

Eyes or Smile

Not sure which
capture me most
your eyes or
your smile

Both make my heart skip
for just a second
before I check myself
knock my sense back in place
refit into cool oblivion

Both are rarely given
guarded like a treasure
shyly released with
limited distribution
first testing then
slowly trusting
their burning intensity
and open beauty
aiming them
open and raw
at me

Which is why i treasure them
fill honored by them
allow the sight of them
to warm my heart and
flatter my mind
because with every direct look
and every warm smile
I know you
reserved them
just for me

Free Fall

My eight year old frame
tucked neatly in the front passenger seat
of the infamous Datsun.
Not much, but all her
teacher's salary and no child support
could afford
I rode quietly, eyes staring out of window
taking in urban sites and sounds
finding familiarity in chaos

An internal lurch, my heart stopped
eyes squinted, I leaned forward
pressed my face against the glass
it was him
bright skin over statuesque face
6'3" frame leaning easily against
the side of his car
chatting
I had to get to him, reach him
hadn't seen him in months
he wouldn't return my calls
had missed another birthday

"DADDY"

I screamed at the top of my lungs
trying to claw at the window
scrambling to release the seat belt
the window wouldn't roll down fast enough
tears pouring from my face
desperate cuz, he might never call again
might never come by again
what if I never
got to see him again

"whats wrong?" my mothers
panicked voice didn't register
as seat belt buckle
slammed against interior plastic
and I frantically tried to crank down that old window,
but
it was stuck, jammed
too hard to roll down
quickly

"Daddy"
I couldn't get to him
we would be too far soon
I had to get out, now
had to get to him, now
or I may never see him
again
my young hand snatched up the lock
pulled back door handle
I threw my body against opening door
as car came to a screeching halt
and my mother screamed at
the top of her lungs
while my young body began to
free fall
car stopped while
legs scraped asphalt

ignoring burning skin and
bleeding hands
I turned
in his direction
screaming
"Daddy"
he spotted me
ran over and
picked me up, a rare hug
a rare glint of concern
me in absolute utopia
while my mother sat frozen
hand over her heart

Movement By Myself (Fabolous Tribute)

Did you ever doubt it
naw, I can tell
you always knew
always saw it
had to have me by your side
harness this raw inspiration
tame this unique flow
and wrap it around your
intimate self

No doubt
I am a movement by myself
but I am force when we're together

How did you see it
watching
dreaming
yearning for what we could be
what our love could create
our passion so unique
so pure, burning, flaming
your sweet breathe
blowing away ashes
leaving
the pure magnitude of us
shining, irridescent

Yeah, I was good all by myself
But baby you, you make me better
intermingling with you
beautiful
your special talent
wonderful skill
did you know you could have me
like this?

I find you delicious,
at your mere request
I willingly submit
handing you
my special reins
unplugging my private effervescent
placing my secrets in the palms
of your hands

You make me better
creating us magnificent

*Inspired and references from Fabolous' "Make Me Better" collab with Neo*