Wrapped Within

So, I don't deserve love?
because my frame is no longer small
stomach no longer flat and
weight has been allowed to collect
that is reason enough
to deny me access
remove my pass
prohibit me from the list of
worthy candidates?

You mean, I really shouldn't be loved?
because my skin isn't light
couldn't pass that paper bag test
in the middle of winter
the brown of me is
offensive to you
my nubian chocolate brother?
the mirror reflection of your own complexion
is not beautiful, not worthy
not also deserving of love?

So, I really won't be loved?
because of the exterior
my failure to stun your senses
with magnificent beauty
makes my normalcy
offensive and somehow
ugly
and in my ugliness,
I am now doomed to loneliness
because your idea of my exterior
so much more important
than the beauty, the love
the hope and the faith
wrapped within me, huh?

So, I shouldn't be loved?

Common Tribute

Went to Chi-town
saw the spots that made you
carved and created you
recognized where that
mellow flow and
confident strum developed
that charismatic charm and
visible third eye flow
finally understood
the rhythm of you

Visited Chi-town
and figured out why
you possess deepness
a centered root upon which
your lyrical majesty sprouts
Sort of a midwest
CL Smooth
words creating memories of
family gatherings and backyard BBQ's
stolen kisses and forbidden hugs
street parties and corner store candies
plastic lined sofas and frozen summer julips
merging my memories into your melodies
teaching me how its done
Chi-town style

Visited Chi-town and
had to admit that we weren't
the only ones
finally verified
Chi-town revels in real hip hop
and you definitely
used to love her...

Mind Loving

Took a moment
and wondered why
you fill my mind
at all moments, of all time
imagination taking us to
unexplored territory
deeply desired frontiers
my soul aching to
touch you and
explore who you are and
what it do

Got to figure out why
why its you that is
branded into the ethereal circumference
of my mental
why it is your
unique vibrant mass
that consumes all fanciful thought

Believed that I could
feel you
although you
weren't in the room

For a moment, thought I could
taste you although
your person is
on the other side of the sphere

Briefly allowed me to
marinate in you
until I realized that
you were not here and
I was simply alone

My mind is stretched past reason
longing has manipulated all decency
I can't figure out why
I can't release mind loving you

Hide With Me

Let's hide
today
send them on the normal schedule
dress like we are going to work
briefcase in hand
suits on back
we can detour
make a different stop
and hide
hide away
me and you

Let's hide today
have a rendezvous
you know, like we used to do
disappearing for entire weekends
a small hotel
a large room
just you and me
the television never gets turned on
the phone remains off the hook
we consume each others
complete attention

Please,
come hide with me
today.
Please....

Self Defeat

sometime during puberty
doubt planted its firm root
dug deep into the soil of my heart
constricted my freedom to express

there was no fear
before that
I would perform concerto's
at the baby grand
the only lil inner city black girl
outperforming the sea of privileged
I would step on stage
tapping away or
stretching and contorting to
the rythm of jazz
Won literary contests and
performed poetic pieces
I ran around the track
strong and sure, confident
without doubt I was meant to win

but then something, some little thing
whispered in my ear that
I was ugly, fat
unworthy, untalented
repeatedly, magnifying my flaws and
blocking site of talent

and I believed
shut down and relinquished my gifts
to that hum
the liar's greatest weapon
ruin by self defeat

My Friend

My friend I
never paid much attention
as you waited for me
at my back door
and walked me to and from
school

You were simply my friend

No matter how cold the morning
I knew
you'd be standing there
waiting
smiling
No matter how long the walk
I knew you'd get me home
quiet and true

You were my friend

I took you for granted
years later
the face and body had
greatly changed
so handsome
a heat overwhelming me
upon sight
until your smile struck
a familiar chord with my spirit
and your eyes revealed the
soul mate I had lost
and I rejoiced because
I had finally found you
my spirit so desperately missed you

and you were still
my friend

He Loved Me

I knew he loved me
months before he said it
weeks before he realized
nights before we
ever engaged
moments before we
bodily exhaled

I knew he loved me
I could tell by the
soft glint in his eyes
whenever he looked my way
the way his eyes followed:
my lips as they spoke
my smile as I laughed
my hips as I danced
my body as we'd grind

Ironically, his love
wasn't a requirement or expectation
to fulfill my longing
to be offered my all
I simply wanted to feel him
on that next level
understand him from a
different way
experience him, so that
I would never forget

But, it was love
that made him turn me down
required me to hold on
to wait
until I was truly ready
and in love,
he guided me steadily to
womanhood
lovingly to tenderness
and taught me about me
in ways I could never have learned
alone

Before he ever uttered it
I knew
I knew
I knew
he loved me

Your Poetic Spirit

You have a poetic spirit

There is a deeper level to you
a wild river crashing and foaming
against the rocks
hard boulders
protecting your soul from
the spoken words, sharp daggers
slicing you as they tumble from
malicious tongue
and you continue to stand
absorbing each stab
without faltering

but that foaming river flows
following a stone path, down to
a lake of pure gold
that lies within your private core
still and quiet
peaceful
resilient and magnificsent


You let me see it
I glimpsed the wide bank of
clear sand, nestled against
the golden waves, spraying me gently
lapping over the firm rim of your soul
you looked into my eyes
and I stood in awe
gazing your poetic spirit

Messed Up

Falling apart
releasing and relenting
breathless
airless
senses garbled
mind foggy

you were never supposed to phase me

not like this
i dictate the rules of this game
the limits and the boundaries
the whispers and the light touches
harmless flirting and intimate inhales
rubbing you softly, gently
giggling fake apologies
while continuing to cop a feel

you twisted it

now I am confused
wondering how to erect a fence
back you up
limit your access

but my mind
strips you down
imagines
my arms and legs
intertwined with yours
my heart
feeling the pounding
of your heart
against my chest
my entire person tingling
as it envelopes
your perfect frame
press fits gently against
your narrow waist...

you messed me up

Copyright 2007 Chloe R
www.chloewrites.com

Ready...

Do you want to build
a world with me
a future
a plan?

Are you able to let go
create a life with me
with discoveries
adventures
thrills?

Will you have my back
wanting to protect me
from harm
pain
sadness?

Can you accept my love
without question
believe in it
in us
as one?

Are you ready...

A Second of Glee

Didn't want to find glee
in your confusion or your disappointment
but I must admit
a little giggle formed
at the center of my core
transforming into a slight smile
a wide grin
a blatant laugh

Because I was angry at you
for hurting my child, bruising his pride
for banking on the new and untried
instead of demonstrating faith
in the steady and true

Now they are leaving
Because that was always their M.O.
and you were simply used
a mere platform to showcase
for another institution to benefit
so, for a second, it felt good
to see your throne in disrepair
your future plans in shambles
your misplaced trust, discarded
but only for a second
only for a second

Memory of Love

It would be easier
so much simpler
to pretend you never existed
that I never discovered the
unrelenting rapture
of your wonderful smile

It would be simpler
by far easier
to erase every memory of
each and every night
day, afternoon
hour, minute
moment
second

lost in us

It would be better
I think
for all concerned
to determine
that we never existed
never united
never crossed the border or
blurred the line

It would be easier
because lies often are
but I need the truth
desperately grasping to each memory
my only monument
of you
of us
of love

Tuned In

Closed my mouth
stopped talking
ceased the verbal pollution
of the peaceful space
in which we stood

and he grinned
because communication
had not ended
the silence did not lessen
deep anticipation
unspoken desire
increased courage
inflamed longing

I became quiet
but I finally tuned in

Protection?

How hard it is
really
to protect your child
to keep them safe
to warn them about
life's danger and pitfalls
to explain that
every monster isn't Elmo
but some come in
human form
disguised to deceive
prepared to destroy

Why won't people
try
a little harder
with a little more diligence
to keep their children
from society's attackers
aggressors
seekers of chaos and poison
treachery and despair
turn off the television
protect their minds
avoid dulling them to
instincts natural alarms

So sick of
reading about a baby's demise
cuz momma couldn't put down the pipe
or daddy just didn't give a damn
some sexual exploitation
because parents are devoid
of souls

is there no hope for the future
no belief in the next generation
making advances past
mere comprehension
has faith dried up into
nothing more than
a dry crack tearing its way
through the soul of our community

What the hell?

Attraction

That thick tense feeling
like electricity floating in the air
a charge or surge
jolting through my body
making my heart tingle and
my body deeply yearn

its not love
cause we don't really know each other
maybe this feeling is
intense because its
forbidden and unrealistic
but the tension lingers on every part of me,
smoldering and burning while i attempt to
hold on and ride out these
lust, passion, exotic wonderings
erotic explorations
inspired by and designed to
enjoy your raw sexuality

my body simply responds
to you

Feliz Cumpleanos, Miss Camille

With each child
He bestowed upon me
a unique gift
a magnification of
some tiny, minuscule
forgotten piece of me

Miss Camille
with you
He reinforced my strength
redesigned my fortitude
your resilience is breathtaking
you creativity beyond my imagination
your musical spirit and artist soul
a divine blessing

So Happy Birthday
my beautiful baby girl

thank you for entering my life
determining me worthy
to be blessed by your spirit
please know that I am grateful
for each day you call my name
astounded that you are pure love
and in each and every smile
you bring brilliance to my world

Hostage

She held me hostage
captive
two nights before
freedom
Trunks full and car packed
well wisher's presents
scattered about the house

She said no.
Simply no.

She would not take me
to college
did not care about my
new Home by the Sea
full tuition scholarship
be damned
I wasn't ready
she wasn't ready
and
I wasn't worthy anyway.

48 hours of tears
pleading and begging
her final choke hold
my last chance at salvation

finally, tears dried
I accepted my fate
I would never escape
would never enjoy that
long anticipated exhale

that's when he loaded my things
silently placed me in the car
and drove me away
from my captured cell

Smile

Your face
swam into my mind
overtaking my thoughts
invading fanciful dreams
The solid structure
of you
rested in my mental
picture frame
lingering gently
in the mantle over my heart

Your face
swam into my mind
today
making me smile.

Enjoy The Moment

There is a reason
that I remind you to breathe
to exhale and relax
to look around you
and enjoy
savor it
delight in the sweet savory
freshness of this
new experience
this next stage
in life

I was scared
frightened
alone and isolated
it took months for me to
gain confidence
gain awareness
grab life by the horns
and ride it's back
without inhibitions

Wasting time
time I could have
marvelled in
spread out and taste tested
figured out the
unique flavors that
satisfied me
inspired me
fulfilled me

So don't
look back,
analyze why
care about the petty
question the motives
of the ignorant
instead
focus on life
on the gift that
you saw another day
remember the blessings
that have brought you to
this point
honor them by
exhaling
enjoying the moment...

Erotica

Sliding
sliding down that slippery slope
scratching and clawing
at this sharp edge
trying to cling to
what I believe
where I started
what I meant to accomplish

Instead, I am
scratching across this
smooth cold surface
my pen drafting
wilder imaginations and
deeper intimate cravings
running away from me
escaping from the
fingers of subliminal control
grasp of polticially polite prowess
I am sliding
slipping
my eyes closed, my heart still
landing squarely
in the center
of your erotic core.

Something to Show You

When you are tired
of the hit and run
the buckwild thrill
anticipation of rejection,leading to
elation at unexpected acceptance
taking up every offer
somehow unaware that
for you, it will always be there
when the 5 minute grind
finally proves dull
and the easy climax
empty and vague

that's when it is my time
my turn
my opportunity to
demonstrate a steady and sure pace
broaden your experience
focus your fantastic energy
I can take you
to that next level
demonstrate what more focus and intensity
can accomplish
what real passion and sensuality
can create
every engagement
can be better than the first
deeper than the first
more fulfilling than the last

Romances real definiton
lusts silent partner
I have something to show you
when your ready

how long will you take?

I'm Sorry

I got too close
revealed too much of my hand
crossed some unspoken border
revealed some deeper intent

I'm sorry
did I scare you
frighten you
make you retreat
into the confused but
appropriate space
wondering where I was going
with this
what I hoped to accomplish and
whether I was simply
another groupie in your long
chain of fools

I apologize
sometimes I am
too blatant
too forward
too passionate
and I say things I regret
do things I wish
I could simply recall
I have no alterior motive
only to be near and
enjoy you

I am sorry
if I was too forward

Played

Friends for years
frontin' and flirtin'
teasin' and tauntin'
then space and separation
as different schools
led to different paths

when I met him
you returned
now playin' the jealous one
the scheming love
mumbling whispers to my friends
about how my love
was tormenting your soul
how my new life
had left you behind

what the hell?

I was naive enough
to be flattered, then
grown enough
to be offended, now
a game
a test to
see if you could beat him
at something, sometime
could you take away his girl
the first one he
actually loved

you had no feeling for me
just manhood ego
tied to winning some
nameless game
but the only one playin'
was you.

My Backbone

Warm breezes and
tiny trees
fragrant smell
haze induced giggles

you sat next to me
leaning back
watching the subtle
shift of the moon
grinning
loving
adoring
the simple sweetness
of the for real
this friendship
for a life time
your presence
my evolving forever
your body
my intimate personal haven
my warm blanket of comfort
my protecting shield
my wonderland's destiny
you
the backbone
of my world

Melt

Enflamed
your eyes contain
the heat of the sun
singularly focused
determined
to burn through my shell
see past my cover
expose the raw of inner me
that longs so desperately
for you

you make me melt

melt
I can't help it
can't deny it
you stand before me and I
try to ignore you
try to pretend I can't
feel your passion
don't understand sexual hunger
frontin' like I am not
tuned in and
turned out by
the simple promise
of what we
can accomplish
can have
can feel

I have already felt
the heat of you
lingered near
savoring the wonderful warmth
of you
but your eyes
radiate a lustful sizzle
an unquenchable, insatiable need
matched only by my
secret desire
and you linger on my mind
for days at a time
wondering if I can ever let you
touch me and
make me melt