Self Defeat

sometime during puberty
doubt planted its firm root
dug deep into the soil of my heart
constricted my freedom to express

there was no fear
before that
I would perform concerto's
at the baby grand
the only lil inner city black girl
outperforming the sea of privileged
I would step on stage
tapping away or
stretching and contorting to
the rythm of jazz
Won literary contests and
performed poetic pieces
I ran around the track
strong and sure, confident
without doubt I was meant to win

but then something, some little thing
whispered in my ear that
I was ugly, fat
unworthy, untalented
repeatedly, magnifying my flaws and
blocking site of talent

and I believed
shut down and relinquished my gifts
to that hum
the liar's greatest weapon
ruin by self defeat