Free

I wanted him to say sorry
to beg and plead
for his daughter's redemption
he owed me, I deserved it

I finally went to see him
after so many years
But the sight of him
surprisingly shook me
I missed my daddy
this huge defining piece of me

And he was who he was
true to him, if no one else
unapologetic, understanding on a different level
a deeper zone
either I accepted him, or I moved on
simple
life hadn't apologized to him
hadn't restored him a chance at a true childhood
at young adult life without three tours of duty in Vietnam
no one had held his hand and
made it all better
kissed away the booboos

So he had been all he could be
the only person he knew how to be
a black man, used by his country
discarded soon after
street logic and survival
the only real code
how much room
did that leave a baby girl?

I had to accept it
understand it
swallow it
and complete me
the knowledge freeing me
in a more substantial way
than any apology ever could