I Cannot (Tribute to Katrina)

I can't
I simply cannot
participate in your meaningless mourning
glancing at video memorials and
television remembrances
dishonest sympathy, abysmal pity
disdainful judgement
trumped up entertainment to
pacify your moral double standards

You left us to die
starve
dehydrate
fester
decay
drown
die

You labelled us refugees
reflected us as looting criminals
displayed the ignorance of some
as the blanket justification
for the dehumanization of thousands

While you 'spread justice'
throughout the world
over 48 hours
you couldn't provide
decent shelter
water
food
sustenance or
a faint hope

Letting our babies die
wither and melt away
life fading like a used light bulb
old people dying on the curb
dignity stripped, all hope lost
their last remembrance is that
this country didn't stray from its disgusting past
and in the end
what is a black or poor life worth
anyway?

I cannot watch your fake tears
your politically inspired words of hope
I cannot,
I cannot
I know the truth
you let us die....

Well Wishes

Amazing
your image crosses my mind
more than I
ever thought possible
wondering where you are
what you are doing
if life is offering you
sweet shade and cool protection
or forcing a raw sunburn
against your beautiful bronze skin

Wishing the best
for you and yours
yes, its possible
to love and live
move on and wish well
remember fondly and
selectively redact
those parts that we
just couldn't get right

I am wishing you the best
hoping that when our paths meet again
life and maturity
and lessons learned
will allow us the friendship
we skipped over
and never quite developed...

Deflated

Deflated
the wind so easily
sucked from my gills
the air so thick
I can't grasp it
simply gasping
for a mere chance
at life

Deflated
tired
all my efforts
seem futile
turning slowly in this
360 degree bypass
leading me back to
0

Deflated
wanting more out of life
than the stepping stones
I have crossed
wonder when my bridge to salvation
will link its way
to my path

Deflated
not for long
but for now
simply have had
enough

Ugliness Inside

The ugliness inside
can only hide for so long
can only be contained
for a limited period
can only remain covered
for a finite space

until it decays
rots
spreads and destroys
the outter covering
the fabricated protection
the loosely maintained
front

Your ugliness is exposed
spreading out through forked tongue
hurling against truths nature
a lying serpeant
slapping us
directly in the face

Your ugliness is exposed
your fake exterior is demolished
and those around who loved you
retract and withdraw
shy away and disappear
protecting themselves and their loved ones
from the pain and havoc
your evil nature
will surely reek

Not Enough?

If you felt my heart beat
would you know I was sincere
truthful
honest
free?
If you laid your hand
flat on my chest
and watched my eyes flutter
heard my breath quicken
lips part
whispered words
would you believe me
then?

What do you need to hear
to know that I am
only with you
only for you
only wanting you
only needing you,
What exactly should I say?

There is no proof that I can think of
no promise that would not seem
meaningless
no words that carry real weight
no tears that wash away past guilt

I promise you that I am here
with you
right now
why isn't that enough?

Are You Sure

Do you think you are prepared
for this
prepared for how your world changes
melts in your hands
and evaporates into
thin air

Are you ready
for the nonstop isolation
the intense paranoia
sure that everyone knows your business
has heard about your plight and
in some time, at some way
you will have to answer questions

Are you sure
it is worth the change to the kids
the financial uproar
the miscellaneous heat
Are you sure
that you are leaving me
for the right reasons
for the reasons that will make all this pain
go away.

Bittersweet

Bittersweet
a simple bite
a small taste
incredibly delectable
the senses peaked
mind instantly cleared
consumed by the tangy flavor
overwhelmed by the striking sensation
eyes closed
entranced
longing for another small sample
another whiff
you are Bittersweet

Alone and Isolation

Alone and in isolation
I find my focus
a meaning
a determination
a desire
a reason to
press forward
steel my nerves
commit to the grind

Alone and in isolation
I obtain clarity
relevancy
a final purpose
silence
an end to the confusion
a singular comfort
in the true spirit of me
when alone and
in isolation

Tshirt and Sweatpants

He wore
tshirt and sweat pants
she watched while he
stood mellow and cool
the precision cut physique of beauty
covered
hidden
by
tshirt and sweat pants

Yet, she became warm
staring at the loose waist of those pants
knowing easy access required little effort
and realizing that the chiseled hip bone
was a simply an arms length away
the tight flat ridge of abdominal muscles
a mere brush of her hand a few inches higher
the tshirt laying perfectly about
broad shoulders
between which she fit
just right

Licking her lips she
pulled her eye away
lowered her head and
attempted to focus on all things that
would release the pressure steadily rising
causing a natural throbbing
at her womanly temple
simply by observing him
chillin
in tshirt and sweatpants

Sensual Woman

You sparked the sensual woman
in me
with every locked eye
every side glance
every licked lip
every hinted whisperer
every light stroke

A magnet
drawing me in
your insatiable desire
I bet I can match
lure you with
this driven lust
an inquisitive appetite
thirsting to taste the delectable delicious
forbidden parts of you

You awoke the sensual woman in me
released her from her matronly cage
setting her free to indulge in
erotica's perfect unity

I Waited

I waited for you
you had to know
waited for you to make that move
turn those late night whispers into
early morning confidences
I was alone and
your voice comforted me
I had been decimated and you
strengthened me
and encouraged me
I had been stripped
you soaked me in kindness
immersed me in your world

And I was ready to move forward
discard past life and flattened memories
and create new ones
with you

So I waited
but your move came after hope dissipated
I capitulated
and the disappointment in your eyes
will always tear at my soul

Yeahhh

Trust me
I just want you to trust me
touch me
place your hand in mine and
relax
breathe
breathe
want to feel your chest
rise
linger near, press against
mounted pressure
pushing against the throne
while I stare in your eyes
yeahhhh
I see that smile
do you trust me?

The Liar

You are a liar
speaking through forked tongue
convincing counterparts of
dreamt weakness and
superficial ailments

You are a liar
wishing ill will on me
in an attempt to absorb
that which is mine
that which you don't support
that which you don't love

How many lies will you tell
how much political support will you gain
how many times will I have to dispute
the idea and image of me
because your forked tongue
slithered around the truth

Easy Scapegoat

Heartbroken
again
the familial bonds tearing at my soul
ripping me to shreds
causing more destruction than
any lover
ever has
ever could

Desperate
again
longing for demonstrated love
calm and steady acceptance
resolution of all this pain
unconditional and
nonjudgmental

Distraught
again
finding myself apologizing for
manipulated pity imposed on me
childish guilt riddling my center
tingling my soul
again
again

Disappointed
again
another wish for family ties
gone up in smoke
another explanation
painting me bad
the easy scapegoat

Consumed

You got my mind locked
tripping and
confused
sweatin and grippin
Leading me to desperate decisions and
inaccurate conclusions
obsessed with what you do and
where you go
wanting, no needing
to be the only one
to receive your powerful love
You got my mind
twisted and jacked
consumed
want you to be all mine

The Best Man...

Haven't said
"i love you"
in so long
haven't remembered to hug you
kiss your neck
rub your torso
let you know
that my heart, mind and soul
are under your authority
my gift is
under your calling
my essence
is under your definition

Haven't told you that
I know your sacrifice
realize your loss
your patience
your complete devotion
to the growth and development
the future and the unseen
the building of lives
the spreading of seeds

Haven't I told you
that I think you are
wonderful
incredible
mind boggling
sincere
clean
Clean
the rarest description
of a black man
but my
highest term of flattery
I would eat from your lips
kiss the bottom of your feet
revel in the pureness of your kind nature
enjoy the uniqueness of
your cleverness
the first one to
really make me smile

you are the best man
I've ever known

Temporary Turmoil

Lost my way
again
looking for recognition and
succumbing to comparative success
I threw myself in the midst
of this battle
hurled myself into the
center of this fight
but I no longer want to
be a contender
no
I forgot that this search
this life journey was certainly for
peace
calm
they have been the innermost desire
the single most craving
and I am grasping to them
with my full might
riding this wave
cozily through eternal storm

I can see it
I lost my way
but then temporary turmoil
set me straight

Comfort Zone

He opened the door
and I knew he'd been expecting me
but he didn't smile
or make a face
that made me feel bad or guilty
he just seemed
patient
so patient
after all the brush offs and dismissals
broken promises and snide little remarks
Here he stood, in the middle of the night
His Pj bottoms the perfect background
to his beautiful chest
"Are you alright" he said
rubbing a hand through soft hair
his eyes focused on me
I shook my head no
bit my lip to absorb future tears
felt his arms enclose around me
sealing me inside my new precious comfort zone

Armor Bearer

Maybe I should guard me better
protect me more
place a barrier and a shield
blocking me eyes and dimming
the world from my sight

You are full of simmering judgment
bubbling resentment
I can taste it in the air
feel it against my neck
and it is bothering me
scaring me
because your despair
may have no limits
no recourse
but to hurt
and take your loved ones
with you

So I have to step back
get me an armor bearer
mount my shield
you will not be
the destruction of me

Just Us

Do you think
we can have that life
of manicured yards and
luxury cars
sprawling suburban mansions
and perfectly laid stone
Can we have it

What is the price
Do I want it more than you
Do you want it more than we
Are you willing to sacrifice family, love and duty
to accumulate the proper bling bling

Or is this life
limited by responsibility and
attaining average mediocrity
all we can achieve
without losing us, ours, we
because
I don't want to pay the cost
for wealths cover

Summertime

Summertime
we spent entire days
in the street
not the corner the actual street
doggin in kickball
doubledutching to the
rythm of
little brown girls tapping feet
singing rhymes
and twirling rope
"but you double handed"
shouted whenever I twirled
I was only good for
jumping
but couldn't nobody
beat me at that
while lil boy friends
who we wanted to be
boyfriends
fed Now and Laters to
ants, watching them pour out of
concrete in droves
Uncle Man
turn on the hydrant
some teen sitting on top
redirecting the strong stream
spraying us all
filling water ballons and
lightin each other up
exhausted
throughin jacks on sidewalk
mastering hopscotch
crossing rope and ankles
undefeated at fivesies
on that chinese jump rope
let me hoola hoop
while Joey is
lookin my way

playing
hide and go seek
truth or dare
touch and go get it
lil fast girls
having fun
life feeling limitless
throwing back heads and
laughing out loud
free
free

while pop rocks
sizzled inside of cheeks
and penny candy stuck to teeth
street lights
slowing popping on
as sunlight
fades to the horizon
gotto get home
grabbing my good wire ropes
jumping on that shiny boy ten speed
making my way home to
wash, eat rest
wanting nothing more
than to
return again tomorrow

My Comfort

vibrant hum
poetic thought
delightful scent
cozy warm
like a toasty blanket
on a chilly night
or the cool ice
against the
sweating thigh
whip cream
swirled gently in my sundae
so sweet
the bitter lemon
stinging my delicate tea
so sour
contrasting perfection

you are comfort

You Knew

I lost my cool
for just a second
on just one day

I still don't know how
can't quite comprehend
what happened
but as I turned
your eye caught mine
and a deep tug
yanked across my insides
shocking my senses and
alerting each and every one
to the male effervescence
that you display

Leaving me caught
goofy and grinning
my mind making love
to your every aspect
my body caught between reality
and imagination
my common sense embarrassed while
my woman soul
took control

I lost my cool
and by the smile on your face
I guess you knew

Wanting More

Are you prepared
for just one night
You say yes
but I don't believe you
don't think your ready
surely, you don't understand

I really don't want any more
nothing deeper
I am a different breed of woman
attachment beyond tonight is
unnecessary
your loving
can never define me

So can you do it?
can you switch positions and
spread your romance on someone
who can absorb it
marinate in it
and walk away while it
clings to her skin
without so much as a blink

Or will you become upset
feeling that your manhood was used
emasculated, deflated
because I play the game just like you
and this time
you will be the one
wanting more?

If I Didn't Know...

If I didn't know better
I would think you
loved me
would mistake your
whispered words for truth
adoration
promises
of a life bound between
your everlasting arms
permanence nestled
between the luxurious
curve of your thigh
forever linger
just at the touched of your palm

If I didn't know

If I didn't know better
I would think that
smile was reserved for me
that magnetic pull of your
wondrous eye was
magnified by your
desire of me
want for only me
dreams of having me

If I didn't know better
but I do
so I enjoy it all
allow myself to wallow in
your perfection, your physique
your magnifiscent being
for just tonight
prepared to seal up my soul
in the morning

Life Long Fight

Keeping you safe has been a
life long fight
but how could you know?
you were too young
to remember the battles I waged
the wars I won
the rampages I went on
to insure your safety
your security
steady your reality
create for you a family

God touched my heart
when my eyes caught sight of you
adorable, but kinda unruly
pleasant way of saying
sweet, yet michievous
but He showed me a future
a world that could be yours
if I followed his will
sacrificed my definite plans
made room for your growth and development

But please know
that the raising of you
has been unparalleled
by any other joy
the light of you
is a rare miraculous flame
and the beauty of your soul
has touched my heart
lingering in my essence
eternal

Without Thought

My best is never enough
what I give to you
is pulled and twisted
distorted and turned
manipulated into something
unrecognizable
easily dismissable
lightly regarded


But when I gave it
it was my all
my everything
it meant something
some small irreplaceable peice of me
went into it
a gift from my heart
delivered straight to you

Why is my all
never enough
and your greed so thick
your willingness to take so complete
that you can destroy my humble gift
without thought
without flinching?

A poem

An energy
tingling in my chest and
crawling up my spine
shifting, I get uncomfortable
cause this energy is forming into
a thought
without shape
without words
and it is resting
so heavy
against my chest
I am clawing, reaching, scratching
for relief
for an answer
but it does not disintegrate
then I reach
for my pen
began to scratch against that
flattened tree
pressing hard onto the lead
as if each deep scratch
tears away at this invisible invader
and all of the pressure,
mounted against it will release it

it eases back
slowly ebbs away
like a solemn pond of wonder
a swirl of memory
a sprinkling of thought
my pen saves me
as it absorbs that thing
that unspoken emotion
and defines it
reveals it
gives it an identity
blossoms it into a poem

Two Years Later

Two years later
the man was hers
or, at least his baby
certainly was
he hadn't crossed my mind
I am sure I never entered his

but she insisted
made it conditional on
his access to the baby
if he wanted to spend time with his family
they had to come to me
to put the child in my face
to insure that I viewed her
the victor
that I witnessed
her dominion

stunned at the ridiculousness
I agreed to his whispered request
welcomed them with open arms
hugged them both
but while her back was turned
I shot him questioning looks

he shrugged sheepishly, helplessly
we were both muppets in her production
thought out over two years
two years
then I felt sorry for her
sorry that this was all life amounted to
I was in college
highschool things seemed so distant
hadn't realized our love thing
had caused her this much pain
this much embarassment
so much poison needed to be released
and she craved verification

So I sat there
grinned and beared it
and reminscied over my past actions
my light dismissal, my failed acknowledgement
of other girls feelings
when it involved a male
I wanted

I owed her
I had to make penance
so I gave her the moment
she had thought on
anticipated
needed
and I gracefully affirmed her victory
while I internally absorbed anguish
at having caused her so much pain...

Life

Lifes got my hands tied and
my options limited
trying to run this rat race
but keep trippin
and feeling trampled
trying to resist
detract
reflect
all this painful confusion and
remain focused on the
meaningful things
health
love
life
freedom
sound mind
natural delights
but life has got my hands tied
my mouth muffled
my feet bound and shackled
each movement an awkward jerk
each attempt to fly
a failed spiral collision
life
I am bound up
in this game
life

Ending it

Its a game to you
I see
I understand, now
while she and I
scream and act fool
you rest in the center
amused at the chaos
enlivened by the negativity

I have been a fool
A mere fool
relinquishing my dignity
to romp and roll in
bullshit's bed and
cry and scream at
loser's loss

Yes, loser
you are and I was
but I will be no more
cause I am watching you and
seeing the game
I.D.ing the pattern
recognizing this foolishness and
how much enjoyment
you gain

and this is where I choose
to step off.

My Blessing

I find you
perfect
delectable
delightful
miraculous
I stare in your face and wonder
what I did for Him to bless me so
what part of my spirit
did he find clean enough
whole enough
worthy enough
to grace your presence

I find you
wonderful
beautiful
wondrously unique
lovely
loving
pure
magnificent
your smile the
blinding light of pure joy
spun into gold
you are a blessing

The Lonelies

Do the lonelies ever
come against you
threaten to
undermine the peace you have
fought for
the quiet you have finally achieved
Do the lonelies linger
in the back of your mind
making you question
your goals
your desires
your aim and your focus

Do the lonelies ever
whisper doubts
attempt to consume your calm
convince you that
you cannot accomplish
success or completion
your efforts are in vain
because your very nature
is marked by failure

Am I the only one
fighting the lonelies?