Cost of You

I lost friends
because I wouldn't walk away
wouldn't give up on you
refused to label you a dog
fought to see you clear

I lost people
who were gently in my world
until they saw my life
from the inside out
the long days and nights of loneliness
and no interaction
while you barely spoke
lost in your own melodic world
the weeks and months
with barely a kiss
my dreams of lovemaking
my thoughts of passion
the only satisfaction
through your periods of distraction

And male friends
inevitably became mad
upset with me
for not seeing me
the way they did
not knowing myself
nor believing me worthy
deserving of other options
that shined so clearly in my face
cuz they
smiled when I talked
offered to care for me
when I needed support
wrapped arms around me
whenever you made me cry
whispered the world in my ear
as I cradled against their neck

I lost so many
after a while they all left me
dismissed me
issued ultimatums and threats
purge my past for a new future
their friendship or my relationship

I lost so many
a potential mate
an intimate lover
the unspoken promise of
sensual fulfillment
I shook my head no
and vowed to
ride by your side
while you remained clueless
to my many friends
your love has cost