Post Partum

Trapped.
Stuck between
maternal instinct and
wifely obligation
household duties mounting
while I negotiate
sibling demands

I am trapped.
Stuck.
Separated and disengaged
my body stretched and distorted
from huge baby manipulating
tiny womb
Dry skin and brittle hair
rough elbows and dry soles
Where am I, me
dissolved and lonely
lost in this
unidentifiable form

Grasping newborn
while infant crawls past
both lovely and blessed
but I remain
unaware, staring at
sunlight streaming through blinds
but only seeing shadows
doom and loneliness

I am alone. So, so alone.

What is wrong with me?
I should be happy
not so confused and torn
should be lighthearted
instead of suffering soul aches
failures mounting at the forefront
of my mind
successes whittling away into
obscurity

I must fight through
grasp for air and
seek out peace
calm the internal wailing and
trust in release and resurrection

I can cast off this
mask of confusion
rebuke this
temptress called depression
turn inward and beg for help
until light
returns and reclaims my soul