Understand

He refused to look at me
I was too young to understand
we were cool
friendly
but I had to speak first
reach out with a smile and a hug
or he
would stare over my head
pretend I didn't exist

I didn't understand

I quit
wanted to see
how long he could ignore me
how long he would look at me
when my head was turned
and walk away
when I faced him

But the days became weeks
became months became years
and my little boycott
turned into a
insurmountable canyon
of unspoken words
avoided eye contact
dismissed acknowledge

Now, years later
there is nothing to say
life moved on and
our time is past
Still, we stand here
watching each other
across the yard
still we don't speak
we don't blink
we don't cross that vat of
emptiness

Only now, do I really see you
do I finally understand
is it obvious that you
had feelings for me
thought of me
the irony is
I wanted you too
but neither of us
had the courage to say anything

Now, years later,
I finally understand