Happy Birthday

Wishing me a
happy birthday
today
September 11
a day that has often passed
uncelebrated
unnoticed
a card left on the table
a kind motherly word

a father who never knew the date
a mother who couldn't afford to celebrate it
monies had to be spent to
entertain the selfish uncle
on his annual visits to our
meager homeland
two weeks before my birthday
every single year

happy birthday to me

a day that makes me sad
causes that sick lonely feeling of
a child trying to swallow her own need
her own emotions
to appease the nagging conscience of
the adults around her or
excuse the blatant neglect
of a father to his only daughter

happy birthday to me

thankful to be alive
but desperately struggling to maintain
mental calm through this
24 hour period
in which memories drown me
like a thick suffocating gel and
sadness fills my vessel
remembering the little girl
who truly believed
that her birthday didn't really matter
to anyone but her

happy birthday to me