Slow to Speak

So much I wanted to tell him
so much I needed to say
in all that time the
words wouldn't come
because of shyness
of anticipated rejection
or just complete denial that I was
absorbed in loves grip

I wanted to tell him
I thought him beautiful
and uniquely special
worthy and so genuinely entitled
i hoped his future would
open an oasis of dreams realized
and his life
would be a painted canvas of rich hues and
colorful inspirations


I wanted to admit that I loved him and
always would
that his eyes on me
melted my inner core
turned solid rock into thick churning lava
made the pounding of my breath a mere echo
of the deep current flowing through me

I wanted to whisper that he was forever mine
or I was forever his
forever what he needed me to be
forever willing to
renew me
respin this
restyle us
just to see his shy grin and
quiet smile
just to have him focused on me
i would hand over the world
for him

But I never said it
because i never thought
I would run out of time
I didn't know that
the seconds move forward and
you can't reach back
rewind
recapture those tender moments and
lovely spaces and
memorialize them anywhere other
than the chamber of my heart
from which I now speak

So much I wanted to tell him
but, suddenly, one day
we were in different hemispheres
life abruptly switched tracks and
redirected our focus
and every word unspoken
hidden within my hesitant soul
had already found
its eternal resting place

damnit,
I had so much
I wanted to tell him