Remind Me

remind me
of love
bring it back to me
like a clear picture
a static free recording
let me touch it
taste it
savor its wonder
swirl in its pureness

remind me of love
give it to me
freely
unconditionally
a cherished gift
a magnificent prize

remind me of its sound
light and free
deep and guttural
absorbed and overwhelmed

i lost it
or it escaped me
but you bring it back
you make my body recall
my brain reconfigure
my life make sense
you bring it back to me
stay with me
please
remind me

Damn Me

how does one
purge the mind
spit out the mistake
regurgitate the garbage
douche away the disgusting residue

why is there no
clear cut way
of mental flushing
no membrane dialysis
no spiritual antiseptic
or memory diuretic

if i could i would
throw you up
shit you out
pass you throw
gurgle you up and
spit you away

if i could i would
scrub away
any layer you touched
any space that took in your sight
any membrane that absorbed your sound
or fell victim to your lying touch

I would discard every aspect of me
that was contaminated by you
surely the cleaner pieces are worth more
than the sum total of me, contaminated by you
but I can't figure out how
to cleanse me
to disinfect me
to decontaminate me
without
destroying me

I can't figure out how
to save me,
but damn me
for exposing my all
to you

Never Lost Me

i lost sight of you
somehow
through the haze
the incredible need
the wanting bigger, better
searching
for grass that was green
taste more fantastic
touch more sensual
thirst more flagrant
longing more erotic

i lost you
lost sight of you
my head turned and
you easily faded
lost in my peripheral
lingered too long
in my damned blind spot
lounged to lazily
in our cursed comfort zone

i lost you
i reached out
stretched
inhaled deeply
letting waves overtake me
ripples run through me
currents lap around me
searching
until i drowned
overwhelmed
weight tying me down
guilt splashing my mind
flapping my spirit
testing your
impenetrable calm
and without blinking
you pulled me back
brought my head above water

you saved me

i lost sight of you
but your eyes
never left me

and then...

and then...
he smiled
and my heart responded
before my brain could deny
as my lips
slowly turned up
dimples slowly pressed in
my heart reclaimed its hum
my essence discovered
a more melodic flow
and then...
his arms
encapsulated me
and my soul
found home

So Small

I dreamt my life so big
yet, it has turned out
so small
Saw a bigger platform
saw me soaring high
instead I am chained to
my decisions
forever linked to
my forfeitures
bumping painfully against
my sacrifices

I clipped my own wings
I never took flight

I sowed
what was meant for me
into disbelieving others
freely gave
what was destined for me
to those who perpetrated love

so desperate was I
so needy for love

I fashioned their horizons
sculpted their climactic peak
and once they eclipsed their heights
they lain eyes on me
in disdain
now, I am nothing more than baggage
the last obstacle
before they can paint themselves
golden

I dreamt my life so large
and inadvertently trapped me
into something
so small

The Mirror (Repost)

The mirror
told of your pain
spoke of my confusion
whispered volumes of confessions
thundered words of truth
reflected us beautiful
proved us scarred
showed us raw
exposed us vulnerable

She Had You (Repost)

I know now
she just verified it
made sure to look
deep in my eyes
make her meaning clear

she had you
enjoyed you
helped herself to a
nice sized portion
of the man I thought
was only mine

her eyes have laid claim
letting me know
that it will continue
she is open
for your every entry
available, at your
beck and call

and what can I do
how am I to stop this
there is nothing for me to say
nowhere for me to go

while my heart bleeds
and my pride evaporates
I stand here stuck
plastic smile masking devastating pain
embarrassment pouring over me
like boiling water
anger erupting deep in my pit
disgusted that you would
do this to me again

she had you.

The Takers

There is not one moment
of one day
when someone is not
draining me
taking from me
expecting of me
anticipating of me
siphoning off me
relying on me
shoving their own dreams
onto my mounting piles
of "hoping to dos" and
"when can I accomplish?"

Amazing that they
take so eagerly
so willingly
so freely
without shame of obligation
to feed in
to replace the energy they have absorbed
to replenish the resource they have used

Every second of every day
someone is taking from me
but it has been years
years
and only one or two
who have taken a moment
to take note
invest energy
and seek to pour into the
draining pool
shallowly existing
within me
since the mind recalls

The Itch

the itch is bothering me
it won't be stopped, can't be soothed
it's tearing at me
curiosity rearing it's head and
and taking my mind to down new paths
unexplored terrain
thrill creeping up my spine but
caution holding me back
tugging and my arms and
grasping at my legs
begging me to
be still
stop
be careful

But I got this itch
this central nagging that
can't be cured
there is no balm
no thick cream
no tingling soother
other than
closing my eyes and
jumping over this cliff
floating, falling, diving into
the unthinkable
giving myself over
to these new longings
these new discoveries
and carrying whatever cross
such indulgence
will make me bear

I've got this itch
and I am taking the cure
caution be damned

True Writer Me

I asked Him for a chance
a remote opportunity
a unique opening
I asked Him to send a guide
who would understand my concept
lead my development
shape its encouragement
structure its enlightenment

For 18 months
there was no answer

Then He stepped forward
tempered my heart
prepared my mind
provided clarity
past projects I had forgotten
tumbled forth like dusty pebbles
translucent marbles
gems written in purity
for the simple love of the Word
the simple dream of authorship
the simple memory of life endured

He stepped forward

Do I have the courage
to open my hand
grasp His
step out on faith
follow Him back to
my predestined path
go against the norm
destroy the fake dynasty that I built
remove each brick
with one solid blast
and be the real writer
I was called to be

I asked Him for a chance
and He stepped forward

The Stench

Just like the stench
of rotting men, waiting men
hopeless men
like the sting of love loss and
gaping open wound
like the deep ache of
essence's call ignored
faith disassembled and
belief trodden upon
the pain pushes upon me
shoves within me
where unspeakable memories
lay claim, unfold
padlock my mind
dragging me
down unthinkable pathetic path

Just like the instability of life
sadness pools around my heart
clogs my core
a simple whirlwind of pain
stealing my strength
sapping my fight
my energy stolen
my last breath
extinguished

just like the stench
of rotting men
despair is impenetrable and
loneliness is
inescapable

Love's Fizzle

Love's fizzle
deflating slowly like
air leaking from expanded rubber

this love
originally inflated
expanded
stretched beyond its boundaries, waiting
for the decisive pin
the pinpoint prick
to explode its magnetic shell
erupt into something
deliciously forbidden, sinfully luscious
thickly addictive

Instead, it was forced to wait
at its pinnacle
it was required to languish
to wonder aimlessly, searching for relief
release
praying for an
euphoric emission
which never came

Now, to survive
to maintain
to release and remain whole
inflated love instead fizzles
and seeps through
it's expanded shell
seeping slowly and loudly
fading down to nothing
but a sad longing
and rusty realization
of what magnificence
could have been....

The Real Me

You are my conflict
my greatest inspiration and my
deepest sorrow
my purest love and my
deep seeded doubt

You give me pause
recognizing that I am loving
what I want you to be
ignoring
what your soul reveals
what your tongue tells
and how callous your heart
really is

What is wrong with me that
loving you makes me needy
I avoid truth
ducking its eyes
and
shielding my soul from
its inevitable release
its freeing truth

That you only love the me
I have let you see
and the real me
you don' t know at all
and
I am loving the you
I want you to be
and the real you
I can't stomach at all...

Free

When I finally opened my eyes,
His Word gave me Hope,
His Hope granted me Joy,
His Joy found me Peace,
His Peace set me free.

Just Listen

Lean forward and listen
hear what I am
trying to say
don't guess
misinterpret
assume
be ill informed or
easily misguided
Listen
press your fingertips against
the softness of my chest
and listen
connect
and listen
learn me
understand the erratic rhythm
the strong vibration bass
the powerful sensual buzz
listen, to me
to mine
to all
just listen

Poetic Promise

I haven't been faithful
and now she knows
now I reveal
and spill
my heart

The shine of authordom
caught my eye
and I turned my back
on my poetic muse
casting her aside
in the sea of
discarded wishes and
disappointed dreams

My blessed poetry
I haven't been faithful
neglecting you and using you
tapping in
when I need a release
but forgetting to feed your spirit
nourish your soul

I am an unfaithful lover
a neglectful host
Poetry, I am not worthy

Pure Love

How could I
forget you
ever
How could I
release you
ever
ever
A meeting of minds
a matching of souls
my comfort in the dark
your confidante in the light

i love you

truer words were never uttered
never more believed
never before so intoxicating
each time so breath taking

and i won't forget
how could I
ever
ever forget
the purity
of us

It Hurts

it hurts
a little
a lot
are you coming back
or have you had enough
are you frustrated or
disappointed
how did fun
become confusion
how did easy
become complicated
why would you pull the plug
without warning
without hesitation
without emotion
without pause

how did something transpire
and i remained clueless
how was some line crossed
and i was left unaware
how were you offended
and i remained in loves heaven

it hurts
just a little
a helluva lot

The Word

For I was hungry
and you gave me meat
I was thirsty
and you gave me drink
I was a stranger
and you took me in
I was naked
and you clothed me
I was sick and you visited me
I was imprisoned
and you came to me...

Matthew 25:35-36

The Word, the perfect expression
the perfect meaning

Teenage Discovery

teenagers
playing adults
curiosity overtaking shyness
desire swallowing all the rules
he and I

we sat there
parked
my heart beating
his eyes staring
my mind wanting more
my hands refusing to move
playing the good girl
until the very end
until giving over to
love in its purest form

he was love
and i was need
he was calm
and i was wanting
he was guiding
and i was the blind
he held my hand
while i finally exhaled

he was beautiful
i was fulfilled