Still Here

You know, don't you?
that I am still hear
that you are still
on my mind
in my thoughts
invading my body
distorting my focus

did you think
I would fade
give in
move on or
lose interest
don't you know
that I am still here?

The Lost Ones

They asked me
to write a story
about the lost ones
the ones past
those who have crossed over
and faded into that other dimension

and their images
came back to me
in a forceful flurry
as if the faucet had been
turned on
and those ignored
finally received redemption

how can so many loved ones
be lost
how could they have
left me
abondoned me

Why should I think about them
when the mere memory
makes my heart hurt
turmoil and pain
bubble to the surface and
the realization that they are forever gone
leaves me empty

They asked me to write
about the lost ones
and my mind wrapped itself
into a cocoon
of grief

The Natural Reaction

You bring a whirlwind
of emotion
the spring of the sea
so fresh
so gentle
the breeze of your voice
the brush of your hand

You cause a sweeping rise
the quiet hush
the still night
the perfect moment
a starry sky
the chill of snow
the rhythm of nature
the rise of a woman

You
you cause
the natural reaction
of me

Reminisce

We discussed
childhood
at work the other day
reminiscing on childish schemes and
innocent pranks
parents punishment
and beatings masked as discipline

As we talked
the stories became
more and more cruel
the techniques utilized
seemed evil and inhumane
our smiles and laughs of light reminscing
covering
the intense pain
the devastating loss of innocence

WE refused to acknowledge that
we were abused
we suffered harm
our souls were scarred
our minds were battered
with extension cords
switches
leather belts
and shoes
One said a knife
the other was bitten
What in the world
was wrong with our parents
What in the world
is wrong with this world
and why is love
barely covered
by deep seeded hate?
why are children
forced to absorb
adult self loathing
and so much pain?

Once I Win

The more you attempt to resist
the harder i must try
the more you hold back
the stronger i must pull
the more you resist
the simpler my apprach becomes

I will win
although you have yet
to acknowledge
impending defeat

The more you think you can fight it
the more certain I am
that I can
make you mine

I have mastered this
taking the heart
of the most hardcore
the ones that think they can
melt within loves core
and withdraw intact
its not so simple

I will win your heart
you will call my name
your eyes will see only me
The problem is
once I win
I will no longer
want you

It's Been So Long

I haven't seen you
in so long
feeling so dry
parched
without inspiration
without love

I haven't seen you
in so long
trying desperately to recall
the skip of the heart
the heating of my core
the thrill that invades my person
at your mere smile
I can't bring it back
can't fake it
can't recreate it
I miss you

I haven't seen you
in so long
will it be the same
can you still
make my fountain
runneth over
can you still make
my imagintaion
overflow
can you still bring color
to my dry dull world
are you still the same
are you still mine

Its been so long...

Manipulator of love

how are you doin
now that
we are in
the past

i see you have
easily moved on
while I gained
20 pounds
my hairlooks thin
and I cry myself to sleep
at night

You stand here
with your new princess
barely acknowledging me
aware that you have the upperhand

I am embarassed
because my world has shattered
while yours kept on spinning
my wekaness is displayed
while your coat of armor
has a new shine
I am simply a fool
and you
are a manipulator of love

i chose you

i chose you
becuase you had a center of gravity
a stillness
a quiet

I needed to
reachout my finger
my hand
and clamp onto the
lid of your
calm

The whirlwind of my life
left my head spinning
left me breathless in
pain
cunfusion
my spirit continued to swing to and fro
and each person I met
brought their
own confusion
panic
chaos
into my small circumference
until I was
choking
suffocating
hyperventilating
screaming silently in despair

and then i met you
that is the answer
although you
may not understand
we didn't just fall in love
i chose you
i chose you...

He was Upset

He was upset
when he said it
when he mumbled hate
and turned a deep red
anger
had control
life in wrecked shambles
logic in fragmented peices
the only one left to cut
was me
with words
adjectives
sharpened daggers
breathtaking blows

should I excuse it
just because
he was angry?
he was upset...

Life

Life is changing
curving and flowing
growing nad blossoming
fading and thinning
she has her own seasons
like the air and the breath
of the world around us

Life
is her own entity
she scares me
I can't control her
can't manipulate what she will do
can't seem to guess her next strategy
her next target for success
her next devastating blow

She is changing
and I can feel it
like a soft breeze against
my cheek
a subtle shift
like the shifting of storm clouds
moving past so slowly

I pray that I have
found her in a good mood
operating under good will
that the change she sends my way
will abound in good things
will grant us growth
and not drought
prosperity
and not suffering
love
and not death

I pray that Life
will be kind
to me and mine
because we have already
seen her at her worse

Must be Still

Still
Be still
my spirit is vexed
nervous and frustrated
promises made
that I have yet to keep
good intentions roping me
past financial constraints and
marital obligations

I must be still
Still
I must be still

Worried about my seed and
the vast plain that is his future
the sun rising, gently
but harsh elements
motivated by envy and hate
swirl against him
seek to undermine him, sabotage him
destroy him on a
national playing field
to vindicate their own
insecurities
and I am scared for him

Still
I must be still
Still

My spirit requests it
counsells it
demands it
I must be still
and allow Him
to clear my path
and lead my way.

Anything More Beautiful

Is there anything
more beautiful
than a brotha with a purpose
a man with a mission
a person with a clue
about his essence
his essential nature
the need for his existence
the importance of his being

Is there anything more mesmerizing
than the fire
in that black man's eyes
when the dream that has played
continuously
in his mind during every still moment
comes to fruition

Don't you get chills
in the presence of that
wonderful king
when he has set his eyes on the mission
and cannot be deterred by
societal none sense and
momentary fads
because he can do it
and he knows it
and you know it
and that alone
will change the karma
constructing the future's infrastructure
changing lives of those
still to come


Is there anything more beautiful

Touch the World

Touch the world
watch it shine
see some love
feel a shimmer
a tremor
a pulse
a rhythm

the massive heartbeat
the collective
a congruent energy
wrapped around this
sphere
inhaling together
holding their breath during
the few seconds
you touch the world
amazed
enraptured
held captive

and in that second
life's pain fades
stress a distant memory
worries on hold for another moment
hope that, for just a brief moment
exhilaration can
ride the clouds
and reign in the sunshine

transcending logic
just because you
touched the world

Just Us

Picture Us
in a private place
a small space
with no distraction and,
more importantly
no witnesses

Just Us

We would be quiet
silence, at first
a possible uncomfortable hesitation
But, your eyes have already proven
that you are not afraid
possibly the only one bold enough
to conquer my unstated challenge
delighting me, cuz
I get another glimpse
at the fire burning in your soul

Close your eyes
Picture Us, tell me what you see
How does it play out?
What is it that we actually do?
Now, look at me
lead me to our
Private place

Just Us

Indestructible Splendor

Just be you
do you
allow you to
believe in you

then I can
feel you
touch you
learn you
adore you

Your comfort with you
translates into
sexiness
manness
confidence
that inexplicable "it."

Be you
and I can watch you
enjoy you
revel in the
indestructable splendor of you

then I can
feel you

Always Remember

He grabbed my hand
as I walked down the hall
I wanted to grin,
but instead yanked away

Undeterred
His hands resting lightly
on my hips
pulling me back
quickly
until I was flush
against his hard surface
safe within his
lean frame

I sighed
pretending I wanted him
to let go
but secretly thrilled
that he was willing to fight
to struggle
to remain persistent
to make sure he kept me

Interesting
how he knew the secret
the magic remedy
to dispel my fight
just a press of his lips
in the right spot
the gentle warm breeze
of his simple words
brushing against my ear
ended the confusion
and to this day
I don't remember
why I was mad
in the first place

But I remember his hands
I remember his fingertips
I remember that sly smile
I remember those gentle lips

He recently asked me
if I ever thought about him
anymore
and I denied it
but, despite the lie
my smile confirmed
what he really wanted to know

of course
I will always
remember

Maybe

Maybe I should stay away
remain demure and hidden
secret and questioning
treading lightly and
moving forward carefully
make sure not to step on
any toes

maybe I should be more bold
become aggressive
leave caution in the past
make my curiousity the baseline
of forward movement
and jump in
without hesitation

he is confusing me

The signals are crossed
the codes are faded
the sign is blurred
the unspoken barely suggested

does he want me to
come forward?
would he prefer we
maintain the question?

either way I turn
the resulting pain is imminent
the thrill can only be
momentary
maybe the easiest solution
is to just
walk away
maybe...

You Love Me?

You love me?

how could you
have any idea what that means
how complex a proposition
that actually is
how painful a process
that could be

how do you love me?
You don't know me
not really
you know the me that
I allow you to see
the me that I one day
aspire to be

Can you really love me?
and accept my flaws, all the
obvious imperfections
can you fix your lips to
blow wind
beneath my wings
and watch with pride
while I
attempt to fly
haven't you noticed
that my spirit is free
my soul is wide open
and I simply cannot be contained
restrained
suffocated

do you still think
you can love me?