The Takers

There is not one moment
of one day
when someone is not
draining me
taking from me
expecting of me
anticipating of me
siphoning off me
relying on me
shoving their own dreams
onto my mounting piles
of "hoping to dos" and
"when can I accomplish?"

Amazing that they
take so eagerly
so willingly
so freely
without shame of obligation
to feed in
to replace the energy they have absorbed
to replenish the resource they have used

Every second of every day
someone is taking from me
but it has been years
years
and only one or two
who have taken a moment
to take note
invest energy
and seek to pour into the
draining pool
shallowly existing
within me
since the mind recalls

The Itch

the itch is bothering me
it won't be stopped, can't be soothed
it's tearing at me
curiosity rearing it's head and
and taking my mind to down new paths
unexplored terrain
thrill creeping up my spine but
caution holding me back
tugging and my arms and
grasping at my legs
begging me to
be still
stop
be careful

But I got this itch
this central nagging that
can't be cured
there is no balm
no thick cream
no tingling soother
other than
closing my eyes and
jumping over this cliff
floating, falling, diving into
the unthinkable
giving myself over
to these new longings
these new discoveries
and carrying whatever cross
such indulgence
will make me bear

I've got this itch
and I am taking the cure
caution be damned

True Writer Me

I asked Him for a chance
a remote opportunity
a unique opening
I asked Him to send a guide
who would understand my concept
lead my development
shape its encouragement
structure its enlightenment

For 18 months
there was no answer

Then He stepped forward
tempered my heart
prepared my mind
provided clarity
past projects I had forgotten
tumbled forth like dusty pebbles
translucent marbles
gems written in purity
for the simple love of the Word
the simple dream of authorship
the simple memory of life endured

He stepped forward

Do I have the courage
to open my hand
grasp His
step out on faith
follow Him back to
my predestined path
go against the norm
destroy the fake dynasty that I built
remove each brick
with one solid blast
and be the real writer
I was called to be

I asked Him for a chance
and He stepped forward

The Stench

Just like the stench
of rotting men, waiting men
hopeless men
like the sting of love loss and
gaping open wound
like the deep ache of
essence's call ignored
faith disassembled and
belief trodden upon
the pain pushes upon me
shoves within me
where unspeakable memories
lay claim, unfold
padlock my mind
dragging me
down unthinkable pathetic path

Just like the instability of life
sadness pools around my heart
clogs my core
a simple whirlwind of pain
stealing my strength
sapping my fight
my energy stolen
my last breath
extinguished

just like the stench
of rotting men
despair is impenetrable and
loneliness is
inescapable

Love's Fizzle

Love's fizzle
deflating slowly like
air leaking from expanded rubber

this love
originally inflated
expanded
stretched beyond its boundaries, waiting
for the decisive pin
the pinpoint prick
to explode its magnetic shell
erupt into something
deliciously forbidden, sinfully luscious
thickly addictive

Instead, it was forced to wait
at its pinnacle
it was required to languish
to wonder aimlessly, searching for relief
release
praying for an
euphoric emission
which never came

Now, to survive
to maintain
to release and remain whole
inflated love instead fizzles
and seeps through
it's expanded shell
seeping slowly and loudly
fading down to nothing
but a sad longing
and rusty realization
of what magnificence
could have been....

The Real Me

You are my conflict
my greatest inspiration and my
deepest sorrow
my purest love and my
deep seeded doubt

You give me pause
recognizing that I am loving
what I want you to be
ignoring
what your soul reveals
what your tongue tells
and how callous your heart
really is

What is wrong with me that
loving you makes me needy
I avoid truth
ducking its eyes
and
shielding my soul from
its inevitable release
its freeing truth

That you only love the me
I have let you see
and the real me
you don' t know at all
and
I am loving the you
I want you to be
and the real you
I can't stomach at all...