Didn't Mean To Kiss Him

Didn't mean to kiss him
I swear I didn't
but wrapped in his arms
my mind went blank
all I could register was
the distinct impression
of manhood at its
finest peak

Its solid form
wrapped in perfection's physique
his grip so tight
eliminating the friendship hug
locking hip to hip and
chest to chest
his eyes closed
mine focused on his
wonderful face but seeing
nothing but future
envelope of caramel
me drowning in the
folds of this
wondrous creature

Those lips turned to magnets and
had to be tasted
had to be felt
drawn in and locked down
so light, so quick but
his eyes opened
met mine
delved into me
telling me what I needed to know
providing the passport
the entry
the special pass to return
to touch once again

The beginning and the end
or at least all I will ever tell

it started and ended with a kiss
a kiss that lasted an eternity
a lifetime
a night
or merely a second

I didn't mean to kiss him
I swear I didn't

The Sound of Your Voice

Heard his voice
and my spirit smiled
spreading throughout my core
igniting a chain reaction
of passion's thrill

Couldn't even place the recognition
why my feminine essence
leapt for joy
instantly connecting to
a sound it had longed to hear
so many weeks ago

You got me blown

I am not sure how or why
it is all very innocent
we kept it above board and proper
light and friendly
but each hug led unnecessarily to another
speaking lower and softer
such that we had to move closer and closer
while tension mounted and pressure piqued
my intense throbbing matched
the blank look of desire
overwhelming your beautiful face

And we both thought about it
considered it
gave in for a second
then pulled away

But you heard my joy, didn't you?
my purest response
my eagerness for another chance
when I heard your voice
receiving confirmation of mutual desire
knowing this time you won't
fade away
cause you thought about me
every day since and you now know
just the sound of your voice
moved me

I Should Tell You

I wonder if I should tell
just reveal what you do to me
Maybe at our next "chance meeting"
so well planned and orchestrated
that I should be ashamed

But I am not

I gotto lay eyes on you
like an addict I feen for our next meeting
the next touch
that next opportunity to
smile and gain response
see my reflection in your eyes
see my beauty through your reaction
discover my love
by your expression

Maybe I should just tell you
admit and be honest

I want you so much
Not all of you
just what you can give
when you can give it
But my tongue gets thick
whenever you approach and
apart from light flirting
I can't manage a sentence or a clear thought
much less an admission

I don't know what to do
but I gotto find a way
to let you know
to create the opportunity
if there is a slightest chance

I gotto to tell you

I Want You

I want you
want to be with you
want to learn you
discover you
test and try you

There are places we could go
discover
explore
without ever leaving this space

There are experiences
destinations
adventures of which we can partake
without leaving this arena

Just me and you

I can lead you there
if you release your mind
and willingly follow
I can teach you
if you trust me and believe in
the magic of us

I want to make love to you
give you a glimpse of
the wonder created
by a spark of genuine love
colliding with the intense need
to intertwine with you
to press fit my body into
your masculine template and
slowly ride the natural rhythm
the unique melody created by
the hum of us

I want to make love to you
if you'll let me

Always You

There is always you
always there
lurking in the corners of my mind
riding listless along the shadows of my thoughts

You are always with me
At first I ignored it or
remained oblivious
unaware how much I depended
relied on the smooth deep swell of your voice
calling my name
as only you still do

But lately I find myself jealous
when others fill your space
take your attention
nestle a place in your heart
and I have to remind myself
that
you are not mine and
you deserve the love
I can never give you but you
are worthy of so much more
all of me and what I believe I can be
because, at my weakest and strongest
you have always been
right here with me

The Cost of Me

How long would you wait
just for me
what do you think I am worth
and what are you willing to do

There is a price
for everything
good or bad
An inherent cost
a hidden fee

Have you wondered about
the cost of my love
no, not money
not dollars and cents

Loyalty and faithfulness
are the two conditions
the only real requirements
for them, I will give you the world
open up my deepest chamber
and reveal the most intimate
the secret to my very essence
the key to everything I will ever be
I will give it all
only to you

Do you think I am worth it?
are you prepared to handle
the price, the cost
the entrance fee
to focus your eyes and heart
only on me
to defend and protect whatever we are
For that, you can receive
every little bit
of me

What Do You Want?

What do you want from me
Really
in all honesty
tell me, don't be shy
I might laugh a little
maybe blush a slight bit
but I won't refuse you
I couldn't
even if I wanted to

Do you think you could possibly say
anything
that I haven't already thought on
already dreamed about

Do you think your mind
could expand past
the deep reaches and
far stretches of my
passion soaked imagination

Haven't you figured out by now
that I hold no reserves
dwell with minimal inhibitions
when the focus is you and me or
me and you or
you with me or
et cetera and so forth

so tell me, in all honesty
what do you want from me
will you promise me the chance
to fulfill whatever you desire
without judgment or reservation

if so, I promise I won't refuse you
I couldn't, even if I wanted to

Would It Be Wrong?

Would it be wrong
to think on you?
Really?
to think about you
in the middle of my day
wondering whether I could
penetrate your armor
and bring to you
my smile

Would it be wrong
to want you?
Really?
To imagine caressing you gently
teaching true intimacy
enclosed space with minimal motion
holding and breathing
watching and learning
understanding the width and
indulging in your length

Would it be wrong
to experience you?
Really?
Letting go and seeking peace
in the wondrous annuls of your mind
the glorious channels
of your soul
the unique entry to your heart
through the passionate open
of oral response

Would it be wrong
to love you?
Really?
To look past flaw and
perceived idea
accepting the reality and
trueness that represents
effort and struggle
belief in the divine unity
of man and woman
of me and you
allowing it to guide
supersede and lead to eternity

Would it be wrong?
How could it be?

Married Man

talking and giggling
I glanced up to
check the time when
he walked in
looking like
goodness wrapped in caramel
dipped in masculinity
bulging and firm
gentle and kind

I hesitated
paused
interrupting conversation and
creating awkward space
cause instantly
I wanted to get lost
absorbed
released into
the very essence of this man

By just the look
the calm in the eye
the physique and cool swagger
speaking of past ruffneck
refined and reformed
to business cool

"Wedding ring"
my girlfriend whispered
but my eyes wouldn't look down
couldn't tear away
until he spotted me
then embarrassment
warm and stinging
swept through my person
sent alarms to my brain
explosions tearing through my mind
i turned abruptly
leaving that
married man
alone

Need Space

You have to leave some space
some air
a little room to breathe

Its impossible to deeply inhale
enjoy the fresh brisk breeze
sway with the delightful wind
when you come around

Like a vacuum
you seem to draw in
every imaginable particle
even light fades
sucked into your magnificent being
causing you to glow
brighter and
shine iridescent
while the entire world
becomes your mere backdrop

So, you gotto move
leave
go away and
allow sound to return to me
light to sprinkle its rays across me
wiggle fingers and shake hips
breaking through the
immobile cast
statue, figurine that I become
whenever you are around

I can't control me
near you
don't live life
so wrapped into you
everything else falls grey
in comparison
its not your fault, I know, but
there is no other solution

please, please go
so that
I can breathe again

Observed

"I notice every little thing
about you"
he said
and my heart hurt
the good kinda hurt
the breathless, deep desire
longing for a simple taste of you
type of hurt

cause the brotha noticed
paid attention
made me a priority
in the myriad of his life
thought on me
when i wasn't in his face
remembered me when
I hadn't been around

observed me with
subtle smile
eyes promising long nights of
intense passion
cause he would study me
learn my response
take note of my peak and
experiment with each reaction

my smile escaping me
lingering at the edge of my lips
unable to fight my surprises
at his sincerity, purity
natural beauty and
wonderful maleness

He noticed and
the thrill of it
made my heart hurt
breath escaped me, cause
this special man
took time to think
on me

damn

Completely Inappropriate

I began to stutter
my tongue felt thick in my mouth
head slightly light I
focused on the tip of my shoe
the blank wall behind you
to still my self
calm my nerves
hide my emotion

Completely inappropriate

What is wrong with me?
you shouldn't be on my mind
there is no scenario in which this could work
that we could operate
forge a space or a vibe
unique to us

Who would be hurt
lost
suffocated and strangled in the
bizarre twist and turns
of a uniting of us

It can't ever be
yet I stand here
stuttering like a fool
remembering that last hug and light kiss
as if my entire existence
was defined by it

I got to pull it together
cannot succumb
too much to lose
and nothing to gain
the mere entertaining of it
is completely inappropriate

The Elevator

The simple melody of your voice
messed me up and
planted me to my spot

Runnin late, as usual
I slide breathlessly into the elevator
hoping that time will stop or
i can slip into the office, I stand unnoticed
in the elevator corner
between shifting feet and uncomfortable bodies
pressed tightly together

Then, I heard it
a deep flowing chuckle
a whispered "wassup"
soft, smooth
pouring over me like warmed honey
clinging to me, sticking, ringing in my head

I didn't want to turn around,
put face to such a beautiful voice
how could it not
disappoint
no matter how fine you actually were

So I stood still
wondering what that voice sounded like
calling my name in
the middle of the night
whispering, responding
filling me with promised innuendos
and stimulating me with
pure word play
charging my inner women
calling to her
coaxing her delayed response
hesitant bloom
engorging her every orifice causing
earth shattering release
by the simple sound of your voice

I couldn't move
watched my destination come and go
stood still in the corner of that elevator
waiting, hoping
you would clear out
move with the crowd
and I would never know and
could hold onto that sound
for an eternity

But our eyes met and
you knew
ten floors later
there was just
me and you
my overflowing desire and
your sensual deep voice
in that empty elevator

Any Purpose?

Tryin my hardest
not to hate you
not despise what I've
grown to be
Not look at the damp
darkness on the fringe of my life
and question my purpose
the point of me

Its a weakness
to keep falling for this game
to want love, need it so desperately
that common sense simply floats away
and every veiled explanation
spoken through clenched teeth
accepted and tolerated
because
not quite the truth
isn't really actually a lie, right?

Hell naw, the truth lies
in your action
in your inherent disinterest
your unwillingness to be fazed
Not pressed about where I be or
who I am with
waving off obvious gestures to
gain your attention
solicit some response

Hugged all up against this one and
kissing that one lightly on the cheek
you barely blink
out til 3 am
cause i stopped by his place
to pick up your cd, i think
directly to the shower I go
from you not a question, not a response
life just rolls on
reality is, you don't give a damn
cause the home to your heart
does not reside in me

Leaving me to examine
A continuous scroll of
unidentifiable emotions
splattered against the black canvas
of this relationship, this life
and I can't help but
start to hate you
because I no longer understand
the natural reason of being me

I'm Releasing

I'm releasin you
movin on
checkin the time wasted
shaking my head in shame
but no more looking back
dismissing you and all
this pain

I'm releasin this
drama filled existence
while you play house
and run ragged
trying to spread your seed and
sow wild oats
bringing home other's
physical remnants and
spiritual residue
leaving me feeling filthy,
unloved
at the very touch of you

Naw, I'm releasing this,
this magnetic thing
this animal attraction
so simply mistermed love
got me stuck in an emotional rut
a bottomless pit
while lust disguises itself
hides the price of my soul
bartered out in pieces for
the mere association to you

Yeah, I'm releasing this
steppin forward into the sun
dusting off the coat of neglect
brushing away the lint of rejection
recognizing that my life has meaning
despite my flaws there lies an inner beauty
an eternal pureness and
desire for oneness
and my search will continue while I
rebuild my center
reconstruct my very core
pushing forward, eyes locked upward
finally realizing a future
leaving you and all your dirty
in the dark folds
of my past...

Only A Dream

How can a dream
feel so real
a touch still make the spine tingle
a word still raise possibilities of love
heart rate increasing and
inhaled breath suddenly gone shallow
a giggle a
promised word
an emotion to seal the deal
make this coupling whole
the pairing real

Just a dream?

Laying on one side
disappointment flowing
rushing, spreading through
this being like
venom in the blood
so close, so near
I never realized I liked him
wanted him
had any feeling at all toward him
yet, the mirage felt so real
his smile a broad oasis
his touch a secret delight
as I cleared the table he
touched the back of my knee
smiled at my sudden reaction
announced his want
only for me

nestled so deeply in the
comfort of the mind
I believed and succumbed
thrilled at the excitement of
new love
again

Until light pours across my eyes
and ears absorb daily household chaos
mind clears and relinquishes
sleepy mist and unspoken, embedded longings

I swallow disappointment
reality creeping into remembrance and
bringing realization that
it was merely a dream

Overload

Does the desire
pour from me like an
open river
spraying lightly against your cheek
lapping lazily onto your banks

You approach so easily
so sure and confident
cupping your hands and
dipping gently into the
fullness of me
holding my essence within
your wide palms
letting it slowly escape
trickling along your fingers
around your wrists
down the masculine swell of your
wonderful arms

I must be bursting
obvious and full
my scent must be alluring
overwhelming
uniquely lustful and wanting
the subtle fulfillment of you

You knew rejection was not an option
whether forbidden or not
You were confident that the whole of me
would simply be handed to you
A whispered word
a light touch
a misplaced kiss
landing with perfection
the steady pulse of you
the most simple and most perfect
overwhelming seduction

Your Everything

I wanna go back
to that night
pick up where I left off
remove that period and
insert a comma

I got scared

It was really that simple, that foolish
you laid it all out, bare and for real
I wasn't looking for a life time commitment
and you didn't offer it
we both were already tied up
forever mended and linked
to other souls

But your raw and pure offer
was all of you
for that night, for that moment
the gaping whole from your love life
begging for me to pour in and fill
What more could I ask
what more could I want

So in the awkward silent pause
i looked into your eyes
and saw an innocence that
I could fall in love with
a gentleness that I could
cradle my soul against
a purity that I could
rest my spirit in

and I got scared

Can I have that night back
that moment, that infinitesimal
minuscule fraction of a second
when the universe existed
in your eyes and
your eyes absorbed only me
and, my reflection framed so lovingly
longingly
changing the play into
ever binding fulfillment
for that moment it was clear
I could have been your everything

Unique Memory

Your name escaped my
sealed inner vault
sliding past barely parted lips
as the memories unfolded
clear against my closed eyes

Your touch found
every imaginable zone
every single point
pressing until I was raw
exhausted but overstimulated
tingling
a light breeze over the
super sensitive
causing waves of passion to
rain down over me
cling to my skin like cool morning dew
staining my person
leaving your indelible mark
invisible radiation
glowing through

Then you stopped
watched my eruption
mumbling words of love, lust
promotion and encouragement
releasing flood gates and
tearing down impenetrable dams

I want you, again
need to physically reminisce on
every single detail
highlight the most expressive and
reenact the most intimate
take you up on your promises
indulge myself in your pampered expertise
allow you a permanent marking
in my mind

The Loyal

There is something different
some part of me that
you knew existed, but ignored
until I gave it voice and
handed over access and pass

You accepted entry
hesitantly confirming the me
you suspected all along
stumbling around me, now
casual, but forced awkward

I can feel it a
tense static a
hesitant air, you won't discuss it
won't entertain it
won't acknowledge it and
vibe with me, like its just not there

But I know, now
for the first time
I finally figured it out
and you know that I know
but there is nothing either of us
would ever dare do
or say

How long have you loved me?

When did it happen
a forever simmering connection
or a sudden onslaught of
unconfrontable emotion
When did they all have to
measure up to me
never quite matching your mental perception
which filters out all my flows and
creates for any woman
an unattainable standard

When did you decide that
a lifetime of this was
better than
nothing at all
relinquishing pursuit of them
always right by my side
loyal to a fault
pure adoration in your every delicate handling
of me

How long have I dismissed it, confused it
clouded in a mask of friendship
sharing stories of love and lust
causing you unbearable pain
hidden in your determination to
be my foundation

The realization came with validation
clarifying one other certainty

I love you too

What You Do

Feather stroke,
down the ridge of the thigh
breathless whisper
against the lobe of the ear
subtle caress of satin
against the small of the back
sweet butterfly kisses
along the nape of the neck

strong finger tickles
on the balls of the foot
light teasing tastes
along the curve of the hip
lips sweetly planted
in the palm of the hand
head gently pressed
against the small of the belly

finger tips firmly planted
along the smoothness of the waist
oil lightly dropped
on the back of the knees
hands cupping
massaging the full woman bud
lean torso pressing
absorbing full submission

locked bodies, finally,
melting into one perfect grind

Oh, what you do...

Of Him, Of Me

The smoothness of him
caught me,
tore me up
shivering as the small hairs
rise and my external organ tingles
at his every touch
wanting to feel
every inch

The calmness of him
got me feenin
yearnin
striving to possess him
just a small part
for a small period

The manness of him
shook me
called to me, demanded my attention
desire creating its own island
a personal enclave
a small parameter to submerge in

The ebony cloak of him
covered me
laid bare against my skin
lightly touching, yet firmly holding
wrapped all around me
a luxurious blanket of wonderful him

The centered mass of him
reached deep, deep down into my depths
searching for the primal call
this signal to his basic essence
plunging and searching
finding him, swallowed in me

The beauty of him
relinquished me, released hatches
and opened invisible doors
pouring out the best
like velvet, thick and plush
requiring his eagerness to sink in
lose himself
dissolve into the unique wonder
of me

Had Something?

We had something
didn't we?
some unspoken agreement
some inexplicable understanding
Planning to bump into one another
daily
to fake surprise
easily tease and
harmlessly flirt
separate and keep it movin

although my mind replayed
the days encounter
a million more times

Never once was I disappointed
left astray
you always took the bait
always located just where I would be
and I always showed up where
you had no choice but to pass

So, why didn't we do anything
why didn't we press
Neither of us would have rejected the other
both of us already knew
burned and ached
for more
both of us already knew
we had something
both of us
chose to do
nothing

Your Smile

That smile
stopped my heart
still
voices blurred and
time slowed
unable to fight intense
magnetic draw
the invisible net
wrapped around me
tugging my closer
through that smile

Was I the only one
who felt it?
a wind tunnel
a private lane
a narrow partition
dividing me from them and
you from him
verified by a modest glance that
always sealed
blended our vision into one
creating that
perfect smile

You never looked away
although I didn't notice
then
I always quickly inhaled
blushed, as much as a brown girl can
tearing my eyes away
trying so hard to regroup
to compose, never noticing
that my mouth automatically curved
dimpled in my cheeks
baring a sliver of white
carrying my high for the next
several minutes
my natural response
to your perfect smile

His Girl

As usual, you completely missed the point
which is why your still bragging
that I used to be your girl, not realizing
the very term implies that
I walked away, gave up all attempts
and shut down that defunct operation

I used to be yours
in every way
younger and more innocent
I gave you open access to
every intimate part

But you were, and still are, so focused
on what he thinks and what she says
on how it appears to the masses
instead of investing in the for real

Your insecurities became annoying and aggravating
driving me insane
while you worried about them
he took care of me
paid attention to me
thought of me and
lost himself in me

So when did you notice I had left?
once I was already on his arm
walking past you, making sure to
look the other way
avoid all eye contact
insure that you have no reason to doubt
that he is completely with me
and my mind is on no other,
just him

Of course, he knows about you
the careless one
so clueless
so consumed with appearance
trading substance for macho imagery
But unlike you, my man is not worried
about your used to haves and your
intimate memories

He is too busy
developing a deeper level of lust
satisfying my insatiable cravings of desire
studying, with care and detail
researching my response to his every caress
creating new loves and new dreams with me

Believe me,
I am keeping him entirely occupied
way too busy to care about
who or what
you used to have

Little Miss Polite

Why is your phone ringing at 3 am
the morning of your planned departure
the trip to meet your homeys at South Beach, right?
SO tell me, why is a female voice
ringing in my ear?
immediately answering the unasked question
identifying herself as an old friend
calling to find out whether you'd left

Hmm. Wake up. Now.
Here, speak to your girl
No, I am not going to play myself by acting undignified or
losing my composure
satisying the real hidden agenda of this
sinister scheming sista

When you hang up I will gladly
identify the game for you
explain how she purposely blew up your spot
lettin me know exactly what's up
in a passive aggressive attempt to lay claim

Then Ima simply leave it alone
rub your chest and kiss your neck whisper my desires and
rock you back to sleep
You don't owe me an explanation or an excuse, but
the writing is clearly on the wall
I won't fuss or pout, won't get in your way
Hope you enjoy your trip and your homeys and
the desperate chick that tried in vain

You'll be back cause
my body and soul are your home
But my calm and cool will play with your mind
creating irksome questions
Later, my silence will scream loudly in your head
in the midst of your party's organized confusion
and you won't help but wonder
what I'm doing, what secrets I've kept and
who might be filling your spot
while your away

On that, too, I will be silent and unresponsive
won't bother to calm you or affirm
your reign over my throne

So, for the root of doubt embedded in your psyche
sprouting uncertainty's buds and blossoms
for the loss of trust, loss of peace
for the unspoken probability of retaliation
that you now face
for that, you can thank little miss polite

Your Kiss

If you send it to me
I promise I will blow it back at you

move over, lean up and seal it
with another
clinging lightly
enjoying this, so slowly
eyes open, watching you
get lost in this
enjoying this
registering surprise that I
came to you
stood on tiptoes
leaned gently over and
reeled you in
inhaled you
tasting slightly
pressing longingly
exploring this cavern, causing
underground rivers to rise
and unseen fountains to splash

gently spraying me
tickling, teasing, you are
holding on tightly
so tight I better
release
come up for air
clear out this fog, remove thick haze
dismiss the drowning feeling of liquid life
poured onto me
by your kiss

Copyright 2007 Discover Kai
Originally Posted at Myspace

Lost In You

So this is what it feels like
to be lost in someone

immediately after the most intimate
the glow fresh and strong
breath ragged and heavy
mind spinning and lost
blank to every thing but
the five senses
all peaked, enhanced
responding to extra attention
deliberate effort from
brotha willing to put the time in
for the exquisite unique outcome
releasing the body's special gifts
blossoming and blooming in
response to just a look
a breath
a caress
a whisper

So this is what it feels like
to want to consume
inhale every exhale
breathe in your very person
lips barely an inch apart
an eternal perpetual kiss by just
the slightest move
insatiable, spent and worn but
ravenous for you
need another taste
another touch
another promise
another lingering breathe
another light hold
another physical intertwine
to once again recapture
the moments, the seconds
the dizzied mind and the tingling vibe
the moaning breaths and the guttural sighs
yielding and succumbing to this
intense call, pounding desire
the remarkable answer to my innermost questions

wondering how I got along and
what life was before you and
curious what life will be like after you
if there is an after, if I can let go
release, maintain my distance and
play it cool, unconcerned, even disinterested
anything to keep you wanting me
any game to keep your eye in my direction
your imprint has wrapped itself around my very core
you must remain in my realm
despite my efforts to remain single
you have opened that window
slid through the door

Now, I am open

So this is what it feels like
to be completely lost
in you

(*A requested repost - please enjoy*)

Played Yourself

Yeah, I followed you
I have no reason to lie
could tell by your mumbling and
double talkin
Your sudden shift in mood
that somethin was up

Knew it was on

I have been waiting,
noticed you cut it short,
concerned I had caught a whiff.
Thought you could wait me out, huh?
I guess
But don't you know a
woman scorned can never be outdone
out maneuvered
out schemed

For every patient day
I smiled and grinned
loved you down and backed you up
knowing you would fail, falter
thinking that you had this
sewed up, seamless

Yeah, it was only a matter of time
before you resumed your creep

Hell yeah, I followed you
so in the midst of this confusion
you bucking and ducking
her screaming and hiding
all hell breaking loose
you could see my face,
witness my calm
know that this was my game
and you, Mr. Mann
just got played....

So Fresh

So clean
light and airy

so fresh
firm but gentle

so clear
tongue loose and
words flowing

so strong
grasping firmly
holding tightly

so here
in this space
in my realm

so daring
enter this private space
claim it as your throne

so real
truth never minced and
lies never uttered

so masculine
set in the belief of self
revelling in the soul of manhood

Boldness

Maybe it was your boldness
that turned my head
changed the vibe from
playful and flirty to
speechless and excited

You removed all doubt
with one simple swoop
a hug became a slow grind
while I held on for dear life

So confused I tried to
detach, throw in a wrench
jack up your play so I could
resume some control
return to the cool mask of nonchalance

But your warm breath against
the curve of my ear
whispered adventures never before felt
and experiences never before thought of
making me crave you

Before you I was
parched, you were my
long, tall, smooth glass of cool water
sipping all of you to the last drop
finding myself
needing more, craving for just one more sip

Now I am longing, sweatin'
calling and harassing
plotting and planning to just get a little more
another taste, another whispered promise
But I'm also fighting this
trying to compose myself and pull it all
back in, but I must admit

your simple boldness has
turned me out

Stimulate You

Its unthinkable
all the time I have spent
imagining the different ways to
please you
stimulate you
encourage you to
enter my folds and
release yourself freely

Somewhat embarrassing how I
long for you, it simply can't be right
making the want so much deeper
the desire so much greater
the primal call so much louder

Can I take you there
with me
for only a little while
letting go and loosening up
placing my fingertips softy
against the smooth of your
perfect skin and
inhaling so slowly, deeply
filling my head with your natural scent
swooning from your
solid mass and
melting into center of you

In fact, you can just hold me
just like that
grip me, right there
listen to the smooth melodies of my passion
the rhythmic mix of my lust
sway and rock to this indescribable beat
a low, pounding, baseline of passion
playing loudly
to stimulate you

Life In The Bubble

The prettiest young lady
will never receive compliments
and encouragement is giving grudgingly
ridiculed behind her back
picked apart from head to toe
she is isolated, lonely
left out as punishment
for receipt of supernatural beauty
over which she had no control

The superstar talent
will never get real affirmation
friendship
a threat to his peers,
who envy the supernatural gift
without considering the hours of dedication
the never ending drive and desire
the commitment that most never apply
to their divine purpose of existence
rather, he will learn to hold all
at arms length
and seek the double meaning behind
the selfish manipulative intent of
every smile

The strikingly handsome boy
will always be the most lonely
girls assuming conceit in an attempt to
dismiss their own fear and insecurity
guys assigning labels of punkdom
any reason to test him
to mark him, scar him
hurt him and bring him back to
their reality

The phenomenally poised girl
will seem distant and discreet
simply because she is not loud and boisterous
and her gift of posterity will be
looked down upon
used as a weapon against her
because the common hate is
focused on her for
attempting to love herself and
display it in her very demeanor

How hard it must be
to live life in the bubble
placed there by others
watching normal interaction and play
trying to participate in it
hoping for an offer, a token of genuine acceptance
but always on the inside looking out
because of refusal to settle
to lessen themselves
to give in to peer pressure's demise

Stay Quiet

Please, don't talk
I think it's best since
your tongue has me confused.
I think the less I know
the better this feels
the more of you
I want, and
the more of me
you can certainly have

With no conversation and minimal interaction
I have already determined that
I am going to make love to you.

Period.

It really is that simple
This internal draught seeks to be quenched
only by you
Those eyes have me longing for more,
your solid frame calls to me,
my mental begging to caress such smooth skin and
lie underneath that light smile
creating realms of possibilities, miles of opportunities
all of which I want to experience,
feel, know, touch, taste
record in the depths of my heart

But, when you talk I feel deflated
disappointed, sometimes disgusted
your lack of ambition is unattractive and
your inability to move forward is so unsettling
the internal ache quietly soothes itself
no longer wanting to feel your cure
my whispered need completely drowned out
by the loud warning bell in my head

So, don't talk and
I won't listen
Instead I will focus on the heat of you
in your quiet I can hear the only beat I am seeking
the only sounds I am yearning
stretching you past preconceived limits
allowing my unlimited exploration
until you take over
and guide me into your oblivion

So, just stay here, in this space
and please stay quiet.

Envy's Child

What makes your lenses turn such an envious color rose
convincing you that my grass is greener
although you stood at the center of my fields
while they were brown and dry

How dare you have the audacity to judge me
roll your eyes and suck your teeth
behind my back
believing my current life
is some rare trophy
to which you are more entitled

You don't know my pain
can't being to comprehend my strife
haven't suffered my misfortune and
insanity has not caved in your
delicately constructed walls of cards
maiming you through parental tools

Yet, you envy me
judge the external nonsense you think you see
denounce and refute all evidence that
the Most High has bestowed peace upon me
restoration for years
of pain and torment

So, I laugh at your spite
relishing in His perfect resolution
thankful that He, at least
is completely true
and gave my spirit the follow revelation:
you are nothing more
than envy's child

Hate

You hate me.

Now I know it,
eventually I will revel in it and
at every opportunity, laugh at it

But right now, I am sad about it
facing clear understanding that
pure hate can never be formed
from love
can never exist within love
certainly cannot hide behind love
leading me to one clear truth

You never loved me at all.

Gold

That awkward moment arises
when no more words are left
and any further action from either of us
may cross the lines drawn in the sand
cross the self imposed borders
necessary to keep right from wrong
do good instead of evil
live clean instead of mired in filth

Leading us back to this moment

I don't want to say goodbye but
simply, I have nothing left
no part that I haven't given
I can't beg you again
won't continue to whine
can't express myself clearly because
words are simply inflated sounds
blocking my esophagus
swelling in my throat
threatening to choke out my life

So you will be brave and bold, huh?
put it out there, the concept of dissolution
a test to try my response
take the chance and determine whether
the reaction is worth the trouble
to efficiently destroy this bond

Why can't you see that
I am gold
pure and virginal
dull, just covered with loves dung
Take time to clean me
apply the polish, that coat of warmth that will
chip away the grime
give up the buffer of support that must
make this nugget shine

Please don't just melt me down
and reform me
mixing me into something unpure
no longer precious, no longer wanted
simply cheapened and then
ultimately discarded

Hard To Love

It could be that I am just
hard to love
Maybe, all along
it's just been me
something inherently repugnant in my
presentation or visceral image
some spiritual flaw that radiates and
signals to others internal beacons
sending warning signals to
withdraw and retreat
remove and save themselves

It could be that I am
hard to love

Carrying so many bags and
empty memories strapped to my chest
fixed on my shoulders
pulling at me, tugging my thick frame
laughing and giggling
tormenting me
a gigantic monkey on my back

Like the silent
pink elephant in the room
that we try to ignore
The pain is there, and
as I try to release hurt
more memories strap themselves on
hurl at me out of
despair's pit
refusing to release me, free me
lighten my load, just leave me be

While I fight and struggle
pushing and clawing
tearing them from my very spirit
those that I love
stand too close and
catch an elbow
a blackened eye
a busted lip
a swollen jaw
caught in the cross blows between
me and my pain

It is easier to just walk away
to quit
to honestly waive that white flag
and surrender
accepting peace and
leaving me in the process

Cause I just may be
too hard to love.

My Baby Girl

You are filled with a unique essence
you exude deep loves joy
your being rhythmically inspired and musically imbued
I am simply amazed by your very existence

Baby girl, in my womb you twisted and turned
rocked to inner dimensions clear vibrations
molding your natural melody and
developing intellectual prowess
your internal beat and flow
so different yet so perfect

Now I watch you
dance and spin
bounce and hop
twirl and tumble
climb and fall
nod your head and close your young eyes
rocking to the precious savory personal tune
He has instilled within your spirit

Your phenomenal radiation
simply unspeakable
a pure cosmically manifested essence
you are my life

The 4th Kiss

That 1st kiss
so light and fresh
barely there, I almost missed it
never knew a boy's lips
could be so soft, so gentle

The 2nd kiss
awoke something in me,
snapped me out of
playful reverie
brought reality clearly into focus
paying more attention to the
here and now

The 3rd kiss
made me melt
my knees literally buckled
my head swooned, then
time stopped
My ears started ringing,
blocking out all sound
but the pounding of my heart

The 4th kiss
sealed the deal
making me completely yours
I woulda done anything you said
woulda followed you anywhere
in that moment
opening the gates and
freeing all of me
at your mere request

Thankfully,
you had no idea
of the power of
that 4th kiss

I Remember

I remember,
even when I don't want to
trying to move on
forget
erase it all
cause I'm grown now

Time moves forward and
thoughts of the past are
wasted current energy
randomly scattered on fixed events
stagnant and permanent
that can't be removed
or fixed

But yet, I still remember
dwell on it just a bit
fruitful, innocent love
pressed flat against corridor walls
under basement steps
behind open doors
molded into you
pressed onto me
learning desire and discovering
intimacy's natural reaction
both new, both scared
both surprised by such intense experiments

Yeah, I still remember

Sexy Back

You know, you brought me back
released me and inspired me
reunited me with womanhood and
all it's delightful secrets
reminded me of the little delicacies
contained within this feminine glory

I love being a woman

You know, you made me shine
skin glowing and sparkling
I feel my flow
stretch my hands out wide
and watch my colors spread out, perculate and splurge
mixing and separating
a never ending waterfall of blessed hues

You know, you brought my sexy back
subtle smile at your suggested hints
tilted body leaning into your sway
maneuvering myself with feline prowess
enjoying flirtation, sliding cute phrases and
intimate encouragement your way

You know, you brought creativity to me
my mind stirring up lewd and luscious thoughts
unmentionable wants churning my pit into somersaults
loosening tongue lingo in your presence
sliding written word prowess into your lap

You know you brought my sexy back

*I have been wanting to incorporate this phrase for the longest - Forgive me ya'll, I love this song*

Silent Attempt

How did I feel to you
tell me
did you notice the softness of my body
the fullness of me
did you recognize my mounted pressure against
the lean swerve of you

Was it alien and foreign or
did I feel like home?

What could I have done
what should I have said
did the warmth of me send a clear signal
uninterrupted and static free?

Maybe I could've pressed harder
made sure my blossoms left a
carved imprint into your heart
or probably should have
opened my mouth and let it spill out
clarified my desired intent

but we both know
that is something I
would never do

So, did my message come across to you
were you able to properly decode it
translate my desperate meaning
for what it was worth?

or did my secret attempt to
reach you end up
misjudged, abandoned and unwanted?

So Easy

Had to hold it back
to stop and disengage from the possibility
of getting lost in you
tied up in you
releasing self to you
freeing self to you

Had to back it up
reel it in and
place the cover on
with a genuine smile and
light humor

This pulsating want so damned
distracting and disturbing
rendering clear thought impossible
forcing manipulation into
initial innocent intent

What do your arms feel like
how I long to be wrapped in between, endlessly

Twisted and turned,
disappointingly discarding
this rare opportunity
and distant moment of freedom
inevitably overrun by obligations clarity

Embarrassment replaced want
because it shouldn't be this way
it shouldn't be so open, so easy
so clear
But it is and I am

Still

I can still hear him
his voices carries in my head
hoarse and dry
thick with emotion and want
promising me forever
the sound moves me
breaks my resolve and
loosens the very core of my being

I can still feel him
lips pressed against the shell of my ear
moving slowly to the top of my neck
arms wrapped firmly around me
drawing me in
hands gently pressing and lightly stroking
pressed flat against the small of my belly
understanding the swell of my body
his simple touch and exploration
causing me to catch my breath and
close my eyes
bite my tongue and
ride his tidal wave

I can still taste him
lingering on each and every bud
his sweetness so addictive
overwhelming me
arousing an innate yearning hunger
an insatiable craving for him

I can wait
with my eyes closed, my body still
my mouth shut
I can wait
because I am still with him

I Musta Forgot

I musta forgot
sat up here and let go
let myself loose
released necessary inhibitions and
opened wide
uncorked the vacuum seal to my
scented essence
handing it over to you

What was I thinking
entrusting my most secret self
in your careless hands
my most intimate being given
to your arrogant person

True to your core you
took note, inventory, stock of
who I am and what matters to me
absorbed whispered secrets
during the height of intimacy
like an eager sponge that, with manic delight,
you now squeeze and wring
until the soft flesh
tears and rips
dripping poison
into these open festering wounds
etched into my skin like
swollen welts with each
disillusioned realization stinging like salt from your tongue
hurled at me
aimed to destroy me

I shoulda known, but
I musta forgot

Simply Love

Love doesn't mean fulfillment
partnership or companionship
is not a cure for
loneliness' ache nor
provides long term relief
from depression's isolation

Love cannot compel understanding
comprehension
a sincere, deep seeded attempt to
to learn another soul
It does not give lessons
or provide guidance into
how you think, operate
there is no template or
instruction manual to decode your
secret needs

Love fails to extend
sincere appreciation or acknowledgement
belief in one without judgement
encouragement without envy

Love is simply love
pure joy and elation
dwelling within an empty vessel
until the pressure mounts and bursts
or subsides and slowly fades away

Love is simply love

Spirit of Christmas

Want to feel the pure spirit
of this day
the promise of
universal peace and true uninhibited love
kindness
so very necessary
like a cool patch against
raw skin
chaffed by the hardness, coldness
dismissiveness
of this world

I believe that it can be.

Yes, it is possible
tonight I can focus on the
special promise of salvation's birth
and tomorrow
reflect and celebrate
believe and rejoice
dismiss my fears and doubts
drown out my disappointments and pain
press pause on my personal pity party
and extend myself to the
promise of
this day

Despite it all
I sincerely believe in the
Spirit of Christmas
(Originally posted at Myspace)

Broken Dreams

Do you really and truly believe
that I am the cause of your problems
that my decisions broke your dreams
my requests erased your future?

How did the years of support
backbreaking loyalty and love
become so easily dismissed
so lightly forgotten

You don't recall the wars fought on your behalf
me against the world,
while you sat on the sidelines to
Me choosing you and yours
over my own life
my own freedom
my own dreams, gifts and talents

I built with you
worked with you
listened to you
encouraged you
for years

while you made excuses
how enough wasn't enough
how your focus had changed
how the dream just wasn't in you
Now in hind sight, it's my fault?

Maybe it is
Cause I gave away too much
waiting for an even exchange, eventually
instead your support takes on envious form
judgemental and angry
my need dismissed as self pity
my wants always weighed against your
coulda shoulda's

you know what
you see me like the world sees me
the gloss, the bullshit
the fake accomplishments that mean nothing more
than another paper mounted on the wall

After a decade or more, you still haven't met me
learned me
taken the time to see me
understand me

Only to you, I tried to show my soul
opened it and laid it out
You slammed it shut
like a dry book
uninterested, bored, so desperately hoping
I'll just shut up, go away
leave you to this week's hobby
this month's new interest

You never know
you just may get your wish.

Sleeping with the enemy

Whether in the same house
same room or
same bed
I have slept with the enemy
all my life

Lying on my side,
facing the door
keeping one eye open for
hallway light to cast that shadow
forewarn me of her imminent entry
through kicked door
my hand resting lightly on the
knife that permanently resided under pillow
through adolescent and teen years

Something always kept her back
insults and hate shouted at me
accusations more appropriate for a mate
or spouse
tossed my way
floated across air, messing up my head
but something, something
kept her from crossing that threshold and
laying hands on me
shaking and hitting, making me feel helpless
hopeless
like before I sought solution
in a weapon

I eventually escaped
able to finally sleep, rest
fully relax, my bedroom no longer
a fortress or stronghold for my
last stand and safety
and then you,
you brought peace and comfort
entered my tiny valley and poured in sunlight

Until life inevitably tested you
changed the variables forcing
growth and maturity
difficulty and indecision
Then I became the fault, the blame
the reason for failed ideas and broken dreams
despite the other obvious variables that
you still refuse to consider

So now I am back
to facing the door while
lying on one side
knife within easy reach, just in case
ensuring my protection
guarding my life for just one more day
through one more night
because I am once again
sleeping with the enemy

Nothing

As amazing as it seems
your anger no longer hurts
no longer tears at my heart or
rips into my being
I find myself oblivious to its
irrational release after
days, week, months of silence
minimal acknowledgement
sidelong judgemental glances and
unexplained disdain

We've done this dance
too many times before
and I know the signs like the
watching the change of the moon
can tell when you switch from
love to hate
support to disdain

It happens so often
so routinely
it feels like second nature

So we are back to hate, huh
yeah, I charted it, knew it was due soon
prepared myself and waited
for my pounding heart to hurt
the internal bleeding to pour through

But, while you
dispense verbal lashing
like liquid molten hate
I am discovering that
I feel absolutely
nothing

Forgiveness' Throne

Where is forgiveness
and why does he elude me
avoid me
try me with hopes of peace and
possible redemption, insinuating a resolution
for long desired completeness

Like a wild horse he
bucks me, throws me
I grasp with both hands,
desperately throttled and thrown
while forgiveness seeks to dethrone and deflate
challenging me for daring to rein him in
daring to tame him
foolishly trying to contain him

But I need forgiveness
on bended knee, I plead for him
cause he has giving me a taste, a hit
like the drug of a fiend
I want more, need more
can't bare the thought of life without him
willing to turn over every stone until
he is found
fight ever battle, until I die or
he succumbs

So many times I think I have him
sealed and suctioned
lured and steady and
knowing how to manipulate him
I attempt to ride him to my kingdom and
boast of my greatness because of him

But the truth is
forgiveness resides around my heart,
but not quite within it, and
try as I might
somethings he simply has not given me
the key to accept nor
the plan to move on
the ability to swallow without responding
to recall without judging
so, for right now
while I desperately need what he chooses to keep
I am at his command

Slow Walk

We walked slowly
taking our time
kicking pebbles and laughing lightly
easily chattering, your teasing
making me laugh
smile despite myself
giving me thoughts to cherish
for the rest of my day

You sat next to me
class partner, complaint sharer
saving a seat whenever I
slid in too late
patting it, smiling
nodding for me to know
it was only for me

I passed you notes
whispered
leaned over while your
wild locks tickled my cheek
speaking so close to your earlobe
so close to you
smelling your masculine cologne and
wondering if you thought of me when you
sprayed it on and
tucked that beautiful mane under nappy cap
my thoughts escaping me
so busy observing you sitting still and smooth,
unmoving as the
light air left my mouth and
softly tickled your neck

We anticipated each other's expectations
enjoyed one another's mellow vibe
sought unity in the knowledge of
New York cool
confident expression of friendship
teeter tottering on
other possibilities, but
which one would be bold enough
to cross the line?

Not me, I took your
silent offering for granted
simplistically relying on your
modest presentation of nonchalance
ignoring the occasional spark, unsure of its cause
I remained silent, scared of love's possibility or
rejections liklihood

Not you, noticing my other friendships
other relationships, determining that the risk
seemed too great, the loss easier to save face
rumors of my raw man
too loud and the boy/girl
game simply too easy, cause too many
other girls always so accessible
always waiting in the cut
to get to know you

So we continued to walk, slowly
taking our time and
choosing two different paths.

Our House

If we continue to
bump these walls
shake this structure
shout and fight within its
damaged walls
our house will surely fall

If this anger doesn't subside
calm or dissipate
it will continue to rage
mount; engage, coercing you to
respond
feeding your seething hate
love crisscrossed
pure emotion misled
misguided
twisted and perverted
our house will surely fall

If we fail to mount this life
on the cornerstone of His might
it will miss the mark
slide sloppily down the walls of this union
dripping acid, burning through drywall and
foundations steel, and
our house will surely fall

If trust doesn't go past
the visible, apparent
and every interaction inspires
spite's reaction
we won't make it
we will manifest death, and
our house will surely fall.

Manness

Manness.

Wrapped in bittersweet
dark chocolate
stinging the roof of my mouth
activating eyes stinging
and mouth watering
longing for the
taste of you

Manness.
Wrapped in
luscious dark caramel
warmed by the
pure heat of my desire
molded between
these soft palms
pressed firm and thick
becoming
hard and solidified
as I breathe light
to cool the molten form
my breath sweet, released softly
against the statuesque state
like soft wind upon
your body
staring deeply
into your eyes
burning timbers of
future dream, future generations
golden life wrapped
within the core of us

You are deep.
A never ending caramel well
bittersweet dark chocolate
swooning midnight gloss
releasing an everlasting
effervescent glow

Your inherent powerful vibration
stimulating my very being
keeping me forever
fixated upon you

Manness. Iridescent.
Manness.

Hide It

I tried to hide it
disguise or dismiss this
pounding want
locked in the pit of my chest
at center of my heart

I have to hide it
ignore it, pretend that the
deep searing burn
ignited by your intimate smile
is nothing but simple heart flutters
manifested by quickened pulse
completed unrelated
to you

I've decided to
keep it my secret
forever locked sealed in the
cedar chest buried under my
blanketed soul
behind the deepest depths of my
inner spirit
hoping it will fade
evaporate

Maybe one day I will see you
again
Maybe one day I will know you
again
Maybe one day I might touch you
again
Oh, please, can I just breathe you
again

No, I will hide it and
it will sizzle and vaporize
against the intense heat
of my pure want
and then maybe I will be released
finally
from the simple cursed
memory and desire
of you
love

I Am Malleable

Peeled back too many layers
soaked, then shaved away
one too many callouses
saturated the thick skin that
served as the
impenetrable barrier against my foes

Now I am soft
malleable
easily penetrated and visibly hurt
wounded
blood drawn from a prick of a pin
my core, smashed by
a single blow

In pursuit of peace
belief of happiness
I stepped away from my
protective cloak
letting it fall away
the shield that sustained the
parental attacks and inner city drama
those bricks that absorbed
physical jumpings and
hid me from
hates target practice

Now, nothing remains to
block that dagger
you so easily aimed
at my soul

Less Than Average

Foolishly believed my life
would mean something
someday
Thought, when it was all said and done
that I would have mattered
made a difference
inspired and encouraged others

Hoped I might
at the very least
make honorable mention in this game
float along the hubris of
the cosmic energy
until the collective occasionally plucked me out
recalled and appreciated

But the reality is
I have failed to make even the slightest dent
strike an indelible mark,
haven't even splashed blood red
on this canvas of life

I have done nothing to
put me in the minds of the collective whole
encourage or stimulate my people
set an example of courage or tenacity

Yeah. When it is all said and done
I have come out less than average
and certainly no more than common
the supernatural mission
whispered in my ear at birth
has not been completed
the talented tools loosely held, easily discarded
misplaced, carelessly allowed to fade

In the final judgement
when the totality of my life is measured and weighed
I'm afraid that I will be left wanting
I know that I have come up short...

You Everything

Desperately needed to be
somebody's everything
somebody's someone
do I matter
to anybody?
at all?

Searching for validation
never obtained at home
never given without
qualification
exception or
selfish intent

Prayed for a mate
soulful and kind
protecting and true
seeing
seeing my real value
recognizing my internal beauty
realizing my special worth

Failed to notice
caring's kind reflection
in so many hopeful eyes
and thought myself
too unworthy
to even consider
more than friendship

Only you.
Only you made it past
my flawed internal filters
Sparking my interest and
Pulling at my heart

Only you made me
your everything.

Your Photo

Find myself still stunned
shocked
when I come across your photo
can't believe you were
ever
in my world

Bet you don't ever remember
the first time I saw you
checking in that Spanish themed motel
scared as hell about
future undergraduate success and
sad about high school familiarity
left behind

Saw you and all thought
stopped
ceased
past boyfriends disappeared
clear future canvas
awaiting your imprint

And our paths continued to cross
science bound themes
leading us together and then apart
like the rhythmic vibration of lust

And I repeatedly dropped the ball
unaware that you could even conceive
of what I felt
what I believed
what I wanted

Forever misconstruing direct attempts for no more
than simple friendly conversations
to pass the time

But your photo
still creates an internal shock and
I linger on the thought or possibility
of us...

My Musician

My musician
finding beauty in the soft curl
of each note
connecting his heart to the
solid pound of each beat

In his eyes I see
intricate melodies,
lilting, tinkling, dancing lightly
over his steady baseline that
deeply vibrates
resonating with the very fiber
of my soul

Watching him create
mesmerizes me
I find myself stunned by the simple magic
created by his hand and the
full ensemble pouring forth
effortlessly while he
remains focused, oblivious
in tune only with his manifestations
the rhythm pouring directly from his spirit

I smile, move, dance
distract him
headphones removed, volume increased
he comes to me while
his rhythmic masterpiece fills my ears
his fingers play a matching melody
finding staccato notes,
drumming up and down my body
and his body
catches the baseline
thundering its own groove
consuming all of me

Receive and Return

I remember when it happened
when love finally pushed open the door

yeah, I knew
although I didn't say
you were so secretive
hidden
tucking away your emotions
locking your heart in that
special vault

But that night
something felt different
special and lovely
gentleness oozed from your caressing fingertips
adoration poured from your darkened eyes

Your lips spoke Solomon's song
deep into the well of my ear
Your tongue sprang out
declarations of emotions before
searching and locating
its natural counterpart

You and I
so easy, so smooth
We were both surprise that
this felt so right

Yes, that night changed everything
while I stared at you and wondered
what happened
that melted the ancient glaciers
and broke through your supernaturally formed dam

I discovered that you
had finally decided to
receive and return
my love

Attica

Have ever you been
on the inside
deep down in the wretched bowels
of our societies underbelly

Have you smelled the
raw stench
of rotting life
passing, wasting away, disintegrating into
reminiscing of a life
never given a chance for
clean living

You think you're a soldier, huh
Imagine your beautiful woman
visiting on that weekend bus
your sexy mamasita
applying makeup and pulling on stockings
in the dank dark bathroom
only to have unnamed guards
strip her, search her
rub treacherous hands all over
her body
degrading her very attempt
to be feminine, loving and supporting

Can you even begin to fathom the quiet but
thunderous moment when
the heavy barred door to
the world as we know it
clangs shut,
forever sealing her in with
the nation's most murderous, most treacherous
most vile and most cruel
In case of uproar her only hope for survival rests on
a clear ink stamp
on the top of her hand
that the X-Ray machine might verify
belongs to a visitor;
if she makes it

Have you ever smelled the
nauseating stench of
grown men incarcerated
tasted the putrid hate of
lustful envious eyes
Tried to maintain ice cold calm
and still your beating heart
to stare down the
curious eyes of a terrifying human animal

Have you ever experienced Attica?

How Could He

Why can't I breathe
in his presence
quickly looking away when he
glances in my direction
wishing I could just
disappear, vanish
turn into a mere whisper
a faded memory
whenever I feel his gaze on me

He is so beautiful
breathtakingly gorgeous
an easy smile and magnetic eyes
firm hands, wide chest
I want to get lost in the curve of him
ride the smooth sway of him

But, he is too much for me
looks too good for me
what I am thinkin
he would never, could never
even consider me

I am forever stuck in friend zone

Not fly enough to be his
wouldn't be able to compare to
the many girls clawing for him
wouldn't be able to withstand
the nonstop insults slung at me
for even attempting
to think myself worthy

He thinks me clever, smart
cute, maybe funny
He finds reasons to grab me
touch my hand
hold me close
I luv the throb of him
can't wait for the vibe of him

But we always laugh
playfully flirt
as I pull away
retreat
inhale and pray
that I haven't made a fool of myself
that I haven't revealed my true heart
and set myself up for rejection

Cuz, I know he is too fine for me
doesn't really want me
I mean
how could he?

Limits to Love

There are limits to love
lines drawn in the sand
clear destinations and demanded clarifications
that we disguise and hide
or ignore and deny
until led to the brink of destruction

I love you completely
will do anything for you
anything to please you, satisfy you
hold you close and
keep you near
anything.
well, maybe

anything contains a natural limitation
an actaul definition as
most things that won't violate
my standards of self respect
at least not to the lowest points
won't repulse my sensibilities
or take me so far into it's loving depths
that I am unable to pull myself out
unable to breath without
claustrophobic suffocation

Please, stop pushing, testing
draggin me closer and closer to my
unbreakable limits, toyin with love's death
like a moth to a flame or a
dead mouse dangled before a cat
so curious to determine whether my love for you
will lead me down destruction's path
will be so loyal to you that
I will blindly walk into the enemies throne

You will have to accept
that I love you,
will do anything for you, but
there are limits to my love

The Truth

This man has got me havin
flashbacks, urgent recalls
got me remembering
lovin and love making
its sweet effervescent
filling me like
compressed vapor, squeezed into
confined space, got me full
mentally full
stuffed, overloaded and uncomfortable
with anticipation rising intently
just from the remembering

oh, the memory

unbelievable what you do to me
15 years and still fresh, razor sharp
just focused anew
crisp like clean waters and
trickling, drip dropping, splattering against
bare skin, fingers wide open
hands and palms upturned
fully consumed, overflowing
grasping and clinging

my man is the truth

causing muscle memory to respond
to the sound of his voice over
cellular waves, yielding the same
bodily tremors at the suggestion
mere mention
of future promised engagement, slowly exhaling
to regain composure
mind filled with
sudden promise of
unity and separation
flash heat and cool chill
making music with this most
intimate instrument, this most
sensual vital vessel
reserved for his
personal playground

my man is the truth.

Found Your Groove

I can feel you now
it took a little while
I didn't understand, at first
couldn't quite catch your groove and
couldn't comprehend the scope of your flow
grasp your uniquely sublime rhythm

but I'm learning
figuring you out
studying and training in the
possible learning of you
taking my time to
discover and incorporate
change and adjust

please, stop smilin at me
while i explain this, your
making me blush, but i want you to watch
that smile of your is causin
reminiscing of dirty thoughts and
nasty things

pay attention, see how I've
found your vibration
fell in sync with your sure steps
swaying my hips to your
manly tune

Now you've stopped smiling,
you've finally noticed
that I have found your groove

Time To Wake Up

He came to me
in a dream last night
startling and surprising me, my heart raced
cause the previous attempts to recapture his
unique features and expressions always alluded me
my mind choosing to release his perfect reflection
for sanity's sake

But there he stood, leaning over and looking in
while I peered through and reached up
a decade later, his sight still spurred magnified charge
throughout every fiber of my soul

My body melted and mind yielded while
he stared intent but worried
committed to this chance, but bothered just the same
I rubbed his cheek, persuaded him to
release fear, utilize this singular world
promise this one oasis of peace connecting the
mental interlude that would
remain between us two

He sighed and relented, finally indulging a
decade old desire, an unspoken yearning that we both
ducked around and dodged
finally free to fully explore, want and touch
I laid my palms on his chest as he
lightly kissed my shoulder then
stared into my eyes
back arched as he lightly held the
wrapped his arms around the width of me
firmly, smiling so faintly, so certainly
relaxing and giving in

but, somewhere, someone called my name
while I held on with clenched fists and
forced concentration to remain, his burning eyes
filled with sadness, acceptance of impending disconnect
but he held me tighter while the voices got louder and louder
then he kissed me gently, exploring the whole of me
one last chance, one last moment
but the pressure of his lips faded, then dissipated
as the image collapsed and I opened my eyes while
children stood over me yelling
"Mommy, it's sunshine! Time to wake up!"

Descriptive Want

Scrumptious, the very sight of you
excites me, anticipation rises
expectations mount, I want a
nibble or just a
small taste
give me a little sample
a morsel to
roll around my tongue

Delicious, I find you
nicely delectable
can't get enough, got an
insatiable area only you can
satisfy, tender space only you
can fulfill
only your special touch
can calm

Wonderful, I think your
beautiful, sexy as hell
masculine and firm, the
small of your stomach
pulses beneath my touch
the tender swath of skin
upholds against my gentle press

Sensual, your hips feel
heavenly, press fitted against mine
secret hollow comforting
this private desire
tender moments while instinctively you
stare and seek
incredible fulfillment at the
soft velvet of my pinnacle

Luscious, your lips feel so
powerful and full
laid against the side of my waist
or along the inner ridge
of my thigh
applying moist distribution
of demonstrable love

Complete, you seem so
full to me, fine and confident
unified and whole
needing no one else
applying your attention
solely to me

New Threshold

That one look
a suggestive glance
three simple whispered words and
a gliding palm
inching every slowly
toward my precious temple

Concentration shattered
immediately reversing the decision
upheld morals and ideas dissipating
resistance steadily evaporating, fading
diminishing quickly leaving me open

Lips against my collar
causing heat to surge through my neck
pounding pulse, indicating
racing blood, rushing, swimming
creating slight headache and
gentle physical ache

Open lips
gasping for air
muttering your name
searching without abandon
needing to find their counterparts to
still the sudden urgent tingling
in the roof of my mouth

Causing shivers under your
very touch, warm breath
clouding my senses
opening the natural faucet of
desire and seduction
luring you and
welcoming your guided entry
yielding to this
new threshold of sensation....

I Will Not Share You

I will not share you
no, it is not an option
I will not watch while
you are enjoyed
spread out, taken in and
made thin
by the vultures that need to envelope
seek to consume
must embody your essence to
absorb your energy

You are mine
Simply
Fully
My love has marked you
identified you as
sacred to me, sacred to loves life

With me you will
understand exhilaration
release your precious seed
find solace in the folds of my being
receive stimulation for brilliance
unforeseen

With you I can relax my mind
give myself completely
understand the rhythm of our unity
and bloom under the watch of your
delicate eye

You are mine
and I will not share you
rather I will submerge myself in
the blessing of loving you

Don't Mind Waiting

I'm waiting for you, baby
glancing at the door whenever
there is a creak or sound
holding my breath
anticipating you

But, no, don't rush
I will gladly wait
Just the mere thought of you
leaves me full, complete
satisfied and sustained
able to hold on and
remain contained
until you return

You are worth the wait
so attentive, you have
studied my natural flow
chartered my rhythmic hum
determined the keys to play that
strike my sensual chords

Got me purring out
intimate melodies I never knew
flowed within
leaving me aching for your
intimate touch, firm grasp
detailed approach and
continuous climactic yield

My mind is already spinning.

So I'll wait
patiently
for your arrival.
Take your time, handle your business
when you are ready, prepared,
then please, baby
come to me

If Only

If only I could
let go and release
turn myself out
completely
allow my mind to
absorb all the possibilities
become agile and flexible
willing and yearning
for new experiences

If only I could
shut the door on
past mistakes and
create an eraser to
wipe memories away
pretend I didn't trip
hadn't fallen
laid splayed out on my back
for all to see

If only I could
recreate me
add in more courage
sprinkle in a bit of strength
a dose of forgiveness
a little bit of faith
belief that my
root won't eventually rot and
my cornerstone will not crack

If only I could
be sure
force myself to believe that
my foundation will not
eventually crumble

If only

Seeking Solace

Desperately
seeking solace in your smile
silence in your satisfaction
strength in your mesmerizing stare
sublime solidarity in your smugness

You are the
sunshine of my singular existence
simple soup for my splintered soul, a
salve on this painful sore, my
surreal sunflower in the midst of sorrow.

Temorarily Release

You represent freedom
an opening, a crack
the slight sliver in this plaster
a tiny hole in this foundation

I need to slide through
bend my body to
conform to your opening and
push in, bow down
fit within the seams
as best I can

It is my one opportunity for escape
Release
Sanity
Breathe

So I cling to you
grasp onto your moving form
clench to this one opportunity
the slight chance to
escape
exhale
submit
if only temporarily