Sunday, March 30, 2008

Simply Sexin

Making
Love
Intimately
So different from
simply sexin
something you
never seemed to understand
but he got it right
the first time

That the act
could be so much more
Sensual
Seductive
Stimulating
Not just
obligatory kisses
expected gropes
before premature thrusts

What took us minutes
stretched into
thrilling hours
feather light strokes and
perfectly positioned massages
listening to my breathing
understanding the deep inhales and
responding perfectly to
the quick gasps
holding me close
eyes open
lips near
on
around...

teaching me a
never forgotten lesson
a cherished soulful experience
making love intimately
is so different
from simple sexin...
a lesson i am sure
you will never truly learn

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Gossip...

Its the gossip
Im sure of it
thats what is
bringing me down
slowing my vibe
making me feel lost
stranded
homeless and
clueless

Allergic to it
I have finally realized
as hate pours from others lips
and fills my ears
tickles my tongue
I initially savor it
taken in by its shock value
the delicious wrongness of it
feeling sinfully right

But inevitably
it fills my belly
like soggy bread
making me feel bloated
uncomfortable
disgusted and disappointed
for failing to maintain my diet
of nurturing speak
of verbal life and
word refreshment
instead of
poisoning my mind
my soul
my being
with all this
negative lingo

Its the gossip,
thats whats got me
sitting here reevaluating
and reacting
bowing my head
in shame

Free?

Who are we
and what have we become
is love transcending
stretching
growin us?
or testing, aggravataing
destroying us?

Does loving of you
mean the sacrifice
of me
the denial of me
the rejection of me

Does loving me
mean the change of you
the loss of you
the disrespect of you

Who are we
now
is this what
we wanted to become?
or is desertion
from this love
this relationship
this tiring, taxing thing
the only way
to truly be free

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Hostage

She held me hostage
captive
two nights before
freedom
Trunks full and car packed
well wisher's presents
scattered about the house

She said no.
Simply no.

She would not take me
to college
did not care about my
new Home by the Sea
full tuition scholarship
be damned
I wasn't ready
she wasn't ready
and
I wasn't worthy anyway.

48 hours of tears
pleading and begging
her final choke hold
my last chance at salvation

finally, tears dried
I accepted my fate
I would never escape
would never enjoy that
long anticipated exhale

that's when he loaded my things
silently placed me in the car
and drove me away
from my captured cell

Without Shame

I bes that
pimps daughter
the Vietnam Vets seed
the culmination of
loves failed attempt to
restore the soul
of normalcy
desperately trying to recover
from reality

I bes that
good girls first born
but subsequently
her one and only
teaching and trying
struggling and praying
believing that
love was the
key to completeness
but heartache
ripped
a brand new chasm
falling into
depressions permanent despair

I bes that
raw mans sister
those street hustlers cousin
that gang bangers neice

the middle woman to
two separate worlds

my other peoples
my southern roots
all educated
all financially achieved
all politically correct
and socially tapped in

making me that
Delta's daughter
those many Que's neice
the Eastern Star Legacy
the Masonic Brothers relation

I bes that
all that I am
without shame

Must Be Still

Still
Be still
my spirit is vexed
nervous and frustrated
promises made
that I have yet to keep
good intentions roping me
past financial constraints and
marital obligations

I must be still
Still
I must be still

Worried about my seed and
the vast plain that is his future
the sun rising, gently
but harsh elements
motivated by envy and hate
swirl against him
seek to undermine him, sabotage him
destroy him on a
national playing field
to vindicate their own
insecurities
and I am scared for him

Still
I must be still
Still

My spirit requests it
counsels it
demands it
I must be still
and allow Him
to clear my path
and lead my way.

Friday, March 21, 2008

The Front Door

In seven months
despite livin
lovin
pleasurin
pleasin
workin and strivin

he hadn't kissed her

How could it be
that in seven months
he hadn't slowly wrapped his arms around her
tucked her safely within
his masculine haven
and rested his lips
gently against hers

In seven months
intimacy departed
sensuality vacated
relationship simply became
business as usual

Seven months

that's when her eyes
began to focus
on the front door...

The Gap

She missed him
adored him
but there were no more words
once he moved on
changed direction
found a new path

So easy, it seemed at first
she planned to say something
to try something
to make him chuckle, nod, embrace her
in his heart

but, as time passed
his chin grew firmer
neck seemed stiffer
eyes grew colder
he stared, without blinking
and she lost her nerve

the chasm between them
widened with silence

And she wouldn't do it
couldn't cross the narrow rotten bridge
winding across that spiritual gap
couldn't bring the words to her lips
to explain herself
to beg forgiveness
to let him know that
he was her future
and her love was rare enough
genuine enough
that he should take the chance

Although she longed
to touch him
be held by him
mean something, anything, to him

She simply stood there
bowing her head in defeat
listening to the deafening crack
of her spirit

Sacrifice?

Did I miss life
living too safe in the bubble
staying protected in the pocket
avoiding pain and humiliation
by avoiding
growth and adventure

Is it possible
that I hid to protect my heart,
heal my spirit
but instead I thwarted opportunity
shunned inquisitiveness
discouraged creativity

Did life pass me by
while I played it safe?
choosing the comfort of the shadows
instead of the brazenness of the spotlight
shrinking back
retreating from battle
when I should have
worn my crown
stood my ground
and fought this fight

Was I so shaken
by my troubled childhood
that I gave away my life
to cling to some semblance
of peace and quiet

Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Fool

So, its by any means necessary?
by any throat slit
by any vein cut
you are draining us
deluding us
willing to destroy us all
if you can't have your way

Politics as usual

how dare you transform
an historic event
into a trial by fire
after they nailed you to the stake
crucified your marriage
raped your credibility
smeared your every accomplishment
against the vile canvas of hypocrisy

Now you want to
play hard ball

You've lost me
my loyalty seeping
down the drains of mistrust
disgust and deep seeded resentment
because I once believed in you
supported you
stood by you
and fought for you

Now you make me the fool
with every attempt to discredit
every false claim of religion
every veiled mention of race
every insinuation of inexperience
every announcement of plagiarism
every promotion of McCain
every attack on the man's life

You have now made me the fool,
Mr. and Mrs. Clinton,
for all those years
I believed in you

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

This Emotion

It was running away with me
this lust
this admiration
this thought of
me and you

It started to consume me
flooding my mind with
the softness of your lips
the pressure of your touch
the sensuous tone of your voice

It began to take over
causing me to blush
for no reason
sigh during random moments
giggle softly at
inappropriate times

It ran away from me
out of control
I rode this wave of emotions
spinning and bubbling
throbbing and vibing
allowing you to
have all of me

Monday, March 17, 2008

The Ugly Duckling

She would stare at the mirror
without blinking
sighing
frustrated
uttering words of hate
at the reflection glaring back at her

The lips just too big
the skin way too dark
"why did God make me this way
how can I go out like this"
her cries confused me

To me
she was simply lovely
but each day her words
chipped away at her beauty
distorted my minds eye
making full lips
a source of shame
high cheekbones
a source of pity
dark skin
a mask of pain

I listened
as self hate
oozed from her lips
like neverending venom
and, as I grew
my reflection
became so similar to hers
I barely glanced at the mirror
my heart broken by
the hideous creature
the unloveable monster
the fat, ugly duckling
that stared back at me

wondering why
God had made me this way
cursed me with this face
jinxed me with this skin...

Withdrawal

I'm running
Fleeing from you
from this
Escaping this
mental trap
of love twisted
unending adoration
lust covered
veiled infatuation

Im running

Stop chasing me
reappearing
reminding me
receiving me
swallowing me
drowning me

Im saying no
Im stopping and shouting
drawing the line in the sand
throwing the salt
over my shoulder
Claiming my escape
my release
salvaging whats left of me
in a desperate attempt
to withdraw
from you

Good Enough

What if
I'm not good enough
Not real enough
not found worthy enough
nor intellectual enough

What if the
vulnerability
deep within me
is split open and dug out
spread out and
examined
and determined
to be lacking
overrated and
disappointing

What if
I simply don't have it
despite all my energies
all my dreams
this deep seeded desire
this love of the written word

What if the gift
is only a light dusting of talent
a mere sprinkling of ingenius
what would I be then
could I swallow the
aching loss
the fractured belief
my splintered essence

Tell me
what if?

Thursday, March 13, 2008

SImply Do You

Just do you
Be you
standing soundly on
what you are and
who you want to be

you are prepared
for this moment
for this challenge
designed for this
uniquely rare opportunity

Nothing occurs by accident
there is no happenstance
the turmoil and anguish
were purposely thrown your way
to test you
to strengthen you
to ready you
for this day

No pressure
No stress
Just breathe in
look around
enjoy it, remember it
recall the dream
revel in the excitement
recognize your platform
then
simply do you

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Sorry

Im sorry
If I caused you confusion
If you wondered into my life
right at a turning point
a questionable junction

I'm sorry
if somehow I poured into you
something that was
too much
too deep
too heavy
for you to understand
for you to enjoy

I'm sorry
that I let my imagination
get the best of me
let my desires
run away with me
that I gave you a glimpse
of what a woman really is
or really can be

I'm sorry if
this encounter
maimed your spirit
or marked your soul
I hope, instead
that you found joy
in my simplicity
in my honesty
in my breaking apart
every little piece of me

Fiyah

It's the
turn of the head
the strut of a king
confidence oozing out of
every pour
brash and raw
that's what makes him
fiyah

Its the direct stare
with the hint of a smile
the sexy head nod
the perfected stance
lingering long enough
for sensual dreams to
unravel in your mind
thats what makes him
fiyah

It's not physical perfection
cuz that would make him
too pretty
too prissy
Naw, its
the flawed, the rough
the real, the true
whose eyes tell you
he can run the world
or at least rule your heart
if you let him
trust me,
you should let him
there's nothin like a taste of
fiyah

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Understand

He refused to look at me
I was too young to understand
we were cool
friendly
but I had to speak first
reach out with a smile and a hug
or he
would stare over my head
pretend I didn't exist

I didn't understand

I quit
wanted to see
how long he could ignore me
how long he would look at me
when my head was turned
and walk away
when I faced him

But the days became weeks
became months became years
and my little boycott
turned into a
insurmountable canyon
of unspoken words
avoided eye contact
dismissed acknowledge

Now, years later
there is nothing to say
life moved on and
our time is past
Still, we stand here
watching each other
across the yard
still we don't speak
we don't blink
we don't cross that vat of
emptiness

Only now, do I really see you
do I finally understand
is it obvious that you
had feelings for me
thought of me
the irony is
I wanted you too
but neither of us
had the courage to say anything

Now, years later,
I finally understand